Venting Probably maybe killing myself in a few days, my thoughts

[kipstriesagain]

I am a fundamentally unhappy person. No matter what I end up thinking about everything that's gone wrong instead of anything positive. I don't add anything of value to the world. I'm not going to make anyone proud. I'm never going to have a family better than the one I have now. I hate change so I'd rather just die when I still have something rather then when I've lost everything. I hate the people I surround myself with but I don't blame them or hate them for it. It's just the type of person I am. I can't keep relationships longer than a few years and I'm not even sure I want to. I have chronic pain that makes me miserable. I'm weak. I don't have any useful skills. I don't want to try either. I've dug my own grave. I just want this to be over.

I'm going to be hanging myself. I regret the situation that'll put a few people into but there's really no other way for me right now. I'm happy people were nice to me at all. That made me happy despite how sad I was 90% of the time.

I'm sad because I don't want to 100% die. It's just that because of the way I am there's no point of living. Nothings ever going to change with me since I don't want it to. I think that living like that will be more miserable than just dying. If I chicken out or fail I'll probably make another post about it. Maybe I'll turn my life around. I doubt it though.

I don't have many specific regrets. One of them is wasting my parents time for 18+ years. Another is that I didn't celebrate Halloween at all these past few years and maybe that I didn't get to built a snowman this snowfall too.

 

[GleefulGrimshade]

I hope that the passage of time brings you the peace you seek.