Poll, Do your parents bear the main responsibility for your situation?

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

This is a very difficult topic, but we are also in a very difficult situation. It is said that everyone is involved in their own happiness, but parents have a great influence on how we develop and what we become adults through education. would we have done better as our own parents? Could we have prevented our own children from such a fate? frequent mistakes i've noticed parents make: they do not educate their children to independence, they do not behave so the kids can be proud of them and rob them of self-esteem, they do not teach their kids how to defend themselves, they have never learned to talk about problems and can not convey that to their children, they have not taught their children a family of their own and children are the most important thing in life. The list is certainly endless. I would like to know how it is with you.

 

[Memento Mori]

good parents can teach you things like bad parents can teach you different things
well, we're reproducing so much it's no surprise the fail parent quote rises
dunno if I could do better, atm no
but I know that everything is better than not caring about your child at all

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

Many times, when a child is abused and continues to stay in that environment, the brain develops differently than that of a healthy brain. The added stressors can cause many forms of mental illness, such as PTSD, depression, eating disorders, etc. If the parents are intentionally being abusive or putting their child in an abusive environment, they are absolutely to blame for any issues that arise later. Most parents are good and try to do the best they can, but some deserve a fate much worse than death.

 

[LastDay]

Yes but I'm not really angry at them because they truly do love their kids but were too fucked up by their own issues to provide a good environment for us.

Thankfully my mom acknowledged it without me saying anything. She said something like "just brought you into this world to suffer". I wish she hadn't let my dad talk her out of getting her tubes tied after my older sister. Or better yet not marry my dad since according to her he destroyed her.

Now I have the lovely pleasure of dealing with MDD, GAD, ADHD, BPD, PTSD (childhood trauma) and issues with disordered eating. I'm also dirt poor. So yay me, the bus can't fucking come soon enough.

As for would I have been a better parent, nope cause of the mental illnesses. I even got my tubes removed last year. No way am I bringing a kid into this shithole.

 

[Koal]

I live with my grandparents because my parents were too unfit to raise me. Thing is if I did live with my parents then I probably wouldn't feel so bad about being a useless sack of shit because, hey they're the ones who made themselves a child and they have to live with the consequences. But my grandparents didn't do anything, I was forced upon them for no fault of their own to eat their food, use their electricity and cause them trouble. This is probably more of a self-loathing thing than anything to do with my actual parents or grandparents though.

 

[CFLoser]

I wish my parents were more physically abusive... that might not be the best wording.

I mean, I wish they hit me more when I was a young teen. Well... idrk. It's not their fault though. My siblings are all me but better.

 

[15dec]

I always wonder if witnessing domestic abuse and experiencing threats and control myself played any part in the development and worsening of my mental illness, since it came completely out of the blue one day. I figured it was something to do with genetics or trauma.

 

[kimi]

I always want to blame myself for being this way but, I can honestly say my parents have played a great deal in my mental illnesses and the way I am today. Now that they're older and aren't substance abusing anymore they act as if nothing ever happened and that they love their children. I don't doubt that they do, but they shouldn't have had any; they're addicts first, abusers second and parents third. I'm not sure if I could do better than them, but I really don't want to have children. Not only do I want to ctb before I ever get to that point but I also couldn't bring someone else into this life in fear of messing them up.

 

[Plankter]

One of the most popular backstories on the forum I can't relate to is childhood abuse and parental carelessness. I've got a loving family who always tried their best to allow me to enjoy my life as much as possible. I had a wonderful childhood. Sometimes even I wonder how the f##k I ended up like this. I started life many steps ahead of most people yet here I am. I hate myself.

 

[21Neberg]

One of the most popular backstories on the forum I can't relate to is childhood abuse and parental carelessness. I've got a loving family who always tried their best to allow me to enjoy my life as much as possible. I had a wonderful childhood. Sometimes even I wonder how the f##k I ended up like this. I started life many steps ahead of most people yet here I am. I hate myself.

I'm in the same boat. The oppurtunities my parents have given me make me feel so guilty for wanting to die.

 

[TAW122]

I'd say my parents provided for my physical needs and somewhat, but my father psychologically and verbally abused me during my pre-teens and teenage life. He's a narcissist under the guise of wanting to "help" others by trying to control every aspect of the family life. He isn't like that in the last decade, but alas, the damage has already been done.

Ultimately, I won't hold him nor my family responsible for how I am the way I am today, but they certainly had a significant amount of responsibility for their actions too. While my father's intention was to try to change me into fitting society, it didn't work and partly resulted in the situation that I am in today. Furthermore, it doesn't help that my Aspergers really fucked me in social situations and people skills.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I say "yes" because they should never have reproduced at all.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Nope, although they are responsible for my genes and genes are partly why I'm so ill. So maybe they are part of the reason I'm going to ctb, lol.

 

[Mark Edward]

Yes, I blame my parents ( RIP) , but for my sake I try to forgive them.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Sometimes I talk to my parents about life when I was born, and they say things like "it was a different time, we didn't think about whether or not to have kids, we just had them." I find that kind of infuriating if true. Just knowing how much I'm going through every day, and how lightly they took this whole thing. Life is not some picnic for me, it's a living hell most days. In that sense I kind of blame them. Also because they were in a terrible financial situation when I was born. My dad had a paper round in London at the time for God's sake. Like shouldn't you have planned this out better? To top it off, there were many mental health problems floating around both sides of my family, even all those years ago. Given all that it just seems strange that they were so blasé about having children.

 

[dysfunctional]

No, I do think my childhood was dysfunctional, but I had things sorted out as an adult. Then things unraveled due to bad luck and my poor decision making.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Sometimes I talk to my parents about life when I was born, and they say things like "it was a different time, we didn't think about whether or not to have kids, we just had them." I find that kind of infuriating if true. Just knowing how much I'm going through every day, and how lightly they took this whole thing. Life is not some picnic for me, it's a living hell most days. In that sense I kind of blame them. Also because they were in a terrible financial situation when I was born. My dad had a paper round in London at the time for God's sake. Like shouldn't you have planned this out better? To top it off, there were many mental health problems floating around both sides of my family, even all those years ago. Given all that it just seems strange that they were so blasé about having children.

Exaaaaaactly. It's like having sexually assaulted others and when confronted by your victims saying, "Well, that's just what we used to do back then..." Even on this website there are pro-lifers so we're not going to escape this kind of reasoning. But to be fair, since life is competitive and potentially very painful--and we're either unable or unwilling to provide people what they need to survive and be emotionally content, we should allow as a human right every adult to decide when they want to die. No one should be empowered to decide for another adult that she/he must remain alive.

 

[sweet17sour29]

Yes, and I feel terrible saying that.
I was born into a cult. My parents had a warped idea of the world and obviously that was passed down to me. The punishments I received were technically child abuse, at the time though it was all just normal. As I got older, and began to have siblings join me, they became less involved with the church until they moved us to a new city.
The damage was done though. I can see it when I try react to certain situations. I think it all fucked me up terribly.
I don't blame them though.

 

[End.of.the.line]

Yes, and I feel terrible saying that.
I was born into a cult. My parents had a warped idea of the world and obviously that was passed down to me. The punishments I received were technically child abuse, at the time though it was all just normal. As I got older, and began to have siblings join me, they became less involved with the church until they moved us to a new city.
The damage was done though. I can see it when I try react to certain situations. I think it all fucked me up terribly.
I don't blame them though.

What you went through sounds bad. Do you mind if I ask what kind of cult your parents Where involved in?

 

[Othermind]

On the whole, no, I made my own bed with this and soon will be time to sleep in it.
My parents are good people, they did try (and still do) to support me and give me every opportunity they could. They just (vastly) overestimated how well adjusted they temselves were and how much they could teach a child like me and made a lot of mistakes along the way. For instance when I was in middle school my mom refused to talk to me for months because of some bad grades, she never acknowledged any wrongdoings on her part until last year.To this day my father won't accept that people have emotions and don't always behave rationally so whenever I didn't behave like a fine tuned logic machine in a given situation I'd get the same silence treatment.
But yeah, I don't hold anything against them at the end of the day, nobody's perfect and it wasn't them who did the awful things I want to die for.
They did a good enough job considering where they came from, I'm the piece of shit here.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Well I voted no but thats for my mom
I think my dad had something to do with some of my mental conditions though
I was a really messed up kid and my messed upness had a lot to do with him. As an adult though, I think my depression could be lived with but my inability to keep a job for any sort of time because I'm incompetent is me and only me

 

[RM5998]

I'm torn about this...
I'm not the kid my parents wanted, because I aggressively refused to be that. However, I have no idea what I should be. My life is as miserable as it is mostly because of myself, some unavoidable circumstances and my resentment towards my parents for wanting me to be a way for them to show the extended family that they could raise a kid. However, they've been somewhat poorly treated by said extended family, so their desires are understandable. And I can certainly understand their desire to have something in the world that they can control.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Well, I'm here because of they, ain't I? I think that makes all the hate I have for them totally justified.

 

[azucaramargo]

Sometimes I talk to my parents about life when I was born, and they say things like "it was a different time, we didn't think about whether or not to have kids, we just had them." I find that kind of infuriating if true. Just knowing how much I'm going through every day, and how lightly they took this whole thing. Life is not some picnic for me, it's a living hell most days. In that sense I kind of blame them. Also because they were in a terrible financial situation when I was born. My dad had a paper round in London at the time for God's sake. Like shouldn't you have planned this out better? To top it off, there were many mental health problems floating around both sides of my family, even all those years ago. Given all that it just seems strange that they were so blasé about having children.

Were you born in the UK, AFFU? You're endlessly interesting!

I'm torn about this...
I'm not the kid my parents wanted, because I aggressively refused to be that. However, I have no idea what I should be. My life is as miserable as it is mostly because of myself, some unavoidable circumstances and my resentment towards my parents for wanting me to be a way for them to show the extended family that they could raise a kid. However, they've been somewhat poorly treated by said extended family, so their desires are understandable. And I can certainly understand their desire to have something in the world that they can control.

Funny you should say that, RM5998; you're EXACTLY the kind of kid my parents wanted: smart and hard-working, articulate, polyglot...

On the whole, no, I made my own bed with this and soon will be time to sleep in it.
My parents are good people, they did try (and still do) to support me and give me every opportunity they could. They just (vastly) overestimated how well adjusted they temselves were and how much they could teach a child like me and made a lot of mistakes along the way. For instance when I was in middle school my mom refused to talk to me for months because of some bad grades, she never acknowledged any wrongdoings on her part until last year.To this day my father won't accept that people have emotions and don't always behave rationally so whenever I didn't behave like a fine tuned logic machine in a given situation I'd get the same silence treatment.
But yeah, I don't hold anything against them at the end of the day, nobody's perfect and it wasn't them who did the awful things I want to die for.
They did a good enough job considering where they came from, I'm the piece of shit here.

Youre wrong, Othermind. You are a good person.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I was, Margo. And thanks! I'd disagree about the interesting part but I am at least mildly exotic by SC standards, lol.

 

[SinisterKid]

Yeah, like everyone, I have issues from childhood and parents could have been so much better, but I have dealt with most of that crap and having nothing to do with either of them solved a lot of the issues. The only thing responsible for my situation is a tiny little organism, otherwise known as a viral infection. People, if you have kids, make sure they get chickenpox as kids, it adults, it can be life changing, I am testament to that.

 

[azucaramargo]

I qpp

I always want to blame myself for being this way but, I can honestly say my parents have played a great deal in my mental illnesses and the way I am today. Now that they're older and aren't substance abusing anymore they act as if nothing ever happened and that they love their children. I don't doubt that they do, but they shouldn't have had any; they're addicts first, abusers second and parents third. I'm not sure if I could do better than them, but I really don't want to have children. Not only do I want to ctb before I ever get to that point but I also couldn't bring someone else into this life in fear of messing them up.

I applaud you for recognizing the over-arching effect of your parents' addictions and abuse patterns & first and foremost that they're not your fault. You are strong and smart, and I'm proud of you.

 

[Soul]

Like the @Angst Filled Fuck Up's parents, mine just plopped out offspring without wondering whether it made any sense. Mine died before I could do anything but cry, though, so trying to hold them accountable doesn't get me anywhere. At some point I took over my own upbringing, managed to get out from under loads of dismal crap and got as far away as possible. Oh and had myself sterilized at an early age so I would never be lured into a repeat cycle.

 

[Scribble Fan]

If they hadn't trapped me in this prison of mental abuse then maybe I'd be free to live my life. I worked my hardest but instead my dysfunctional family did everything they could to drag me down into oblivion. I hate them for this.

 

[Pupuce]

I reckon I had it rather easy, I just spent most of my childhood in my room to avoid my father who was just a drunk narcissistic asshole, and nothing of a father. My mother on the other hand is stupid. She went back to my father after leaving him once, and proceeded to accidentally have me, and now she acts like it wasn't so bad that I never had the chance to develop proper social skills, and the only time I talked to here about ctb she only memorized that I had drank a bit. I can't feel anything more than resentment towards her, and I'll be glad to not have to see her on a daily basis, whether I'm dead or I've moved out.