(Plz read fully) I have made a decision (CTB by SN botched up plan new update thread ; CTB on 30/09/2023):

[iyusof]

If your source was from India or China, I highly recommend you to test for purity. Because sometimes they package other stuff, or it may even be food grade SN. Make sure you've got AR grade SN, purity of 95% above.

Usually the legit packaging comes in a sealed plastic bottle, with warning signs and proper labeling on the bottle. Those that come in plastic bag packagings are highly suspect.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

If your source was from India or China, I highly recommend you to test for purity. Because sometimes they package other stuff, or it may even be food grade SN. Make sure you've got AR grade SN, purity of 95% above.

Usually the legit packaging comes in a sealed plastic bottle, with warning signs and proper labeling on the bottle. Those that come in plastic bag packagings are highly suspect.

My SN source mentions only for laboratory use. It comes from a legit and verified manufacturer with proper (and verified) address. Also, it mentions purity of 98%. Additionally, the manufacturer of the SN product has a legit certificate from TIQ and UK Labs. Plus that the manufacturer also makes sodium chloride and nitrate etc.

Plus that they dispatch the SN in a sealed plastic bottle with info and warning labels on both sides of the SN bottle. So I strongly believe that the SN I have is legit. I would have done the required tests. But I'm in a precarious situation, and I have to be extra careful. This means that I won't be able to test the SN.

 

[iyusof]

My SN source mentions only for laboratory use. It comes from a legit and verified manufacturer with proper (and verified) address. Also, it mentions purity of 98%. Additionally, the manufacturer of the SN product has a legit certificate from TIQ and UK Labs. Plus that the manufacturer also makes sodium chloride and nitrate etc.

Plus that they dispatch the SN in a sealed plastic bottle with info and warning labels on both sides of the SN bottle. So I strongly believe that the SN I have is legit. I would have done the required tests. But I'm in a precarious situation, and I have to be extra careful. This means that I won't be able to test the SN.

Sounds legit then

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

It's mostly impossible for me to obtain meto anyways. Plus that I do-not have the time to obtain it.
I have not been on psych meds (at-least not yet). I'll be using OTC antiemetics instead.

Btw, I appreciate your care and concern towards me. It means a lot!
Also, I appreciate your valuable inputs.

Another update:

From tmrw onwards, I will start buying OTC antiemetics, painkillers, sleeping pills and meds to speed up the bowel movement.
Luckily, these items I mentioned do-not require a prescription. Which means I can easily obtain them from a pharmacy.

Once I buy these items, I'll store them somewhere safe at home. On the day I'll CTB, when my parents are asleep, I'll take those items out and consume them as per the stat does regimen.

Also, I'll buy tapes so that I can repackage the ordered SN and make it look like I haven't opened them at all. When the opportunity is right, I'll open the SN package and hide one of the SN bottles somewhere else safe at home.
Also, I'll buy measuring cups and plastic cups so that I can mix the correct amount of SN and water.

Btw: I'll keep y'all updated through this thread only, I.e. instead of creating a new thread to update y'all, I'll continue to update in this thread only. If I'm gonna create a new update thread, I'll inform y'all and post the link in this thread.

Plz note that I'll continue updating y'all in this thread (ignore what I have mentioned before). I'll continuously update y'all in this thread.
If I'll be posting a new update thread, I'll update y'all about that and post the link to the new update thread here.

Another Update:

I've successfully managed to get Antacid tablets, and 1000mg paracetamol tablets and hide them at home.
Also, I've successfully managed to get a black color tape so that once I open the SN package to hide one of the SN bottles, I can repack the SN package to make it look like I haven't opened it at all.

Btw, I have found 2-3 dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablets. But, when I search for prescription requirement, some sources say prescription is not required while some sources say prescription is needed. I'll take the risk and try to buy the dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablet from a different pharma. If that fails I'll have to go with regular OTC antiemetics.

So on Thursday I'll buy sleeping pills and try to get dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablet. Also, I have dropped the plan to buy tablets to speed up bowel movements.

Also, on Wed, my mom will go to a hospital in another area in a city for an appointment. Also, on that day my sibling will be at school and my dad will be busy with WFH. So on that day I'll open the SN package, hide one of the SN bottle, and repack the SN package with black color tape to make it look like I haven't opened the SN package.

Folks, I'll update y'all tmrw or on Wed for sure.
I'll definitely keep y'all updated and continue to update y'all on this thread.
In-case I'll post a new update thread / any other thread, I'll update y'all and post the link in this thread.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Another Update:

I've successfully managed to get Antacid tablets, and 1000mg paracetamol tablets and hide them at home.
Also, I've successfully managed to get a black color tape so that once I open the SN package to hide one of the SN bottles, I can repack the SN package to make it look like I haven't opened it at all.

Btw, I have found 2-3 dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablets. But, when I search for prescription requirement, some sources say prescription is not required while some sources say prescription is needed. I'll take the risk and try to buy the dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablet from a different pharma. If that fails I'll have to go with regular OTC antiemetics.

So on Thursday I'll buy sleeping pills and try to get dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablet. Also, I have dropped the plan to buy tablets to speed up bowel movements.

Also, on Wed, my mom will go to a hospital in another area in a city for an appointment. Also, on that day my sibling will be at school and my dad will be busy with WFH. So on that day I'll open the SN package, hide one of the SN bottle, and repack the SN package with black color tape to make it look like I haven't opened the SN package.

Folks, I'll update y'all tmrw or on Wed for sure.
I'll definitely keep y'all updated and continue to update y'all on this thread.
In-case I'll post a new update thread / any other thread, I'll update y'all and post the link in this thread.

Sounds like your plans are progressing well. Can I ask why you're so desperate to CTB though? You seem like such a well-organised person!

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Sounds like your plans are progressing well. Can I ask why you're so desperate to CTB though? You seem like such a well-organised person!

My parents have got to know about the reality of SN (which I've explained in my previous thread and this thread). So I cannot wait for more than 1 week to CTB.

Also, my worsening condition, deteriorating mental health, severe anxiety means I want to CTB by coming Sat.

 

[HD72]

Just remember you are loved. Truly. I am with u.

 

[SVEN]

Sorry no reply to your convo request, Pracheen. Contact like that, or members following me, drives my ever present paranoia into overdrive.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Sorry no reply to your convo request, Pracheen. Contact like that, or members following me, drives my ever present paranoia into overdrive.

No worries. I understand.

 

[olearius]

I am wishing you as much peace and low stress in your release. May the universe take you back in warmth and comfort.

 

[iyusof]

Again, sadly like most who post here nowadays.. you sound very young; parents, siblings, having to hide, restricted freedom etc. Cues that give you a very young age and mentality.

Please don't rush through ctb. Think through it. Rushing is a recipe for screw ups/failures. Also, if you are not 100% mentally ready; you will panic during the process. At that moment when you got to drink the cup, you will be overwhelmed with thoughts. It's not easy. Once you panic, like some other young ones who posted recently; all hell will break loose.

I know somone who drank N. Took that person a long time to just dryrun the motion of opening the bottle and drinking the solution. That person was really determined and in the right frame of mind to ctb.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Again, sadly like most who post here nowadays.. you sound very young; parents, siblings, having to hide, restricted freedom etc. Cues that give you a very young age and mentality.

Suicide wasn't my first option. But I can no longer endure what's happening to me. I have completely given up. Also, I'm in my final year of university classes.

Please don't rush through ctb. Think through it. Rushing is a recipe for screw ups/failures. Also, if you are not 100% mentally ready; you will panic during the process. At that moment when you got to drink the cup, you will be overwhelmed with thoughts. It's not easy. Once you panic, like some other young ones who posted recently; all hell will break loose.

Precisely why I pushed my CTB to 30/09/2023. I am proceeding even more carefully right now. I have chosen 30th Sep to CTB after considering multiple factors.
Also, I am mentally prepared to CTB. I have made up my mind. I am aware of what I'm doing. Also, if I wait for more than a week, I may not be able to CTB at all. It's already risky of me to wait to wait till 30th Sep.

 

[exitplease]

I'm so sorry if this comes across as critical or judgemental, it is not my intention. But are you sure you want to expose your family to that? It will be EXTREMELY traumatising for them, they may seriously injure themselves trying desperately to get to you on a slippery bathroom floor, they could break bones or sustain head injuries, and it will dramatically increase their own risks of suicide. How would you feel if your own sister or your parents killed themselves after what they witnessed?

I'm going to be honest - this seems like a really selfish method. I encourage you to consider not exposing your family to this. If you are absolutely certain you want to ctb, there is no need to expose your family to it. If you're worried about your absence raising an alarm, figure out another place to do it. There are plenty of other options you can consider.

If I witnessed my sibling do this I would kill myself immediately. I'm really sad that you would do this to your family.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but I think it's important that people aren't selfish and don't harm others when they ctb.

Update:

As I have previously mentioned, I live with my parents and a sibling. This means that I cannot fast during the daytime. It would not make sense to my parents and it would raise a lot of red-flags. Added to the fact that they know about the SN that I have.

So what I plan to do is start fasting from 8:00 or 8:30pm (post-dinner) for 6 hours. Additionally, I'll try to consume less food. Also, as I have mentioned in this post, I'll be following stat dose regimen but with modifications.
Additionally, after fasting for 6 hours, I'll consume SN at 2:30am or 3:00am. I shall try to fast for 6 hours. Bare minimum I should fast is for 4 hours. No compromise on that.

My parents and my sibling won't wake up till 6:30am or 7:00am on Sundays. So I am hoping that 4 hours (min 3 hours) will be sufficient for the SN to cause my death.
I'll have to CTB in a bathroom (I'll lock myself in a bathroom at-least 15 mins before I consume SN). I'll lock the bathroom doors and place buckets filled to the brim with water against the bathroom door. This should give me a little bit (but crucial) amount of time, just in-case.

Also, I'll have to make the bathroom floor slippery to make it more difficult for my family members or anyone else to enter. This should hopefully give me an added (little more but crucial) amount of time.

Hopefully this will work. This is my only way to CTB at home. (IK it's risky, but I have no other choice). I do-not have a separate room to myself and I live in an apartment.
I'll continuously update this thread and I'll keep y'all updated.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

I'm so sorry if this comes across as critical or judgemental, it is not my intention. But are you sure you want to expose your family to that? It will be EXTREMELY traumatising for them, they may seriously injure themselves trying desperately to get to you on a slippery bathroom floor, they could break bones or sustain head injuries, and it will dramatically increase their own risks of suicide. How would you feel if your own sister or your parents killed themselves after what they witnessed?

I get you. And trust me I hate to do this.

But, I am left with no choice, my condition is deteriorating, my mental health is severely worse. I am unable to handle it anymore. I had planned to CTB in a different city in a hotel. But, my parents have got to know the reality of SN.
I've (at-least temporarily) managed to convince them that I won't be opening the SN package and somehow (at-least for time being) managed the situation.

I cannot afford to wait beyond coming Sat. It's already risky of me to wait till 30/09/2023. If I wait longer, I may not be able to CTB at all, and I risk my SN possibly getting taken away.
Ultimately I may be forced into treatment or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward. Plus that because of this I'll be treated as a permanent outcast by the society. And my family (i.e. parents and sibling) would suffer along as a result. By CTBing, I could possibly spare them from it. I don't want to burden my family.
In the country I'm from (India), mental health is a huge taboo.

I believe that my parents have sorta(?) forgotten about the SN. I have to act fast and be really careful at the same time. I cannot mess up anything further. If I mention that I'll be staying in a hotel, they'll get really suspicious, an I risk ruining my plans entirely.
Also, trust me, I hate to lie to my parents about the SN and potentially break their trust. I hate myself for doing that. But I don't have a choice and I have to do it.

Regarding the slippery bathroom floor, I'm doing it to give myself very short (but potentially valuable) time so that I have a very less chance of being saved.
If at all I manage to set a super glue. I'll use that to seal the bathroom door shut and then I may not make the bathroom floor slippery. If I'm unable to get the super glue, then I'll have to make the bathroom floor slippery.

I'm going to be honest - this seems like a really selfish method. I encourage you to consider not exposing your family to this. If you are absolutely certain you want to ctb, there is no need to expose your family to it. If you're worried about your absence raising an alarm, figure out another place to do it. There are plenty of other options you can consider.

I do-not want to expose my family to it. But I'm left with no-other choice, especially considering the precarious situation I'm in rn. I get you, it's selfish. But I do-not have any other options left.
If I had any other potions I wouldn't be CTBing at home in the first place. Trust me. I literally mean it.

Btw, what I'm about to say may sound harsh. You and the other members may hate me for this :
If at all I'm saved and forced into treatment, or worse forced into a psych ward, I'll never forgive my parents and anyone else who knows about it.
In India, mental health is a huge taboo, if people get to know about ur mental sufferings, they'll treat you like a outcast full-time. My family will also suffer because of it. Also, my life will be ruined and I'll have to suffer even more because of it (i.e. if at all I (I hopefully won't) survive my CTB attempt.)

Trust me when I say this :
I hate to expose my family to this. I hate the fact that I have to lie to them. But I have already made up my mind, and I'm mentally prepared to do this. Also, I am aware of what I'm doing. Also, suicide wasn't my first option at all. After much contemplation and trying to sort out the issues I'm facing, I've decided to CTB once and for all.

Btw, nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts and opinions.

I get you. And trust me I hate to do this.

But, I am left with no choice, my condition is deteriorating, my mental health is severely worse. I am unable to handle it anymore. I had planned to CTB in a different city in a hotel. But, my parents have got to know the reality of SN.
I've (at-least temporarily) managed to convince them that I won't be opening the SN package and somehow (at-least for time being) managed the situation.

I cannot afford to wait beyond coming Sat. It's already risky of me to wait till 30/09/2023. If I wait longer, I may not be able to CTB at all, and I risk my SN possibly getting taken away.
Ultimately I may be forced into treatment or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward. Plus that because of this I'll be treated as a permanent outcast by the society. And my family (i.e. parents and sibling) would suffer along as a result. By CTBing, I could possibly spare them from it. I don't want to burden my family.
In the country I'm from (India), mental health is a huge taboo.

I believe that my parents have sorta(?) forgotten about the SN. I have to act fast and be really careful at the same time. I cannot mess up anything further. If I mention that I'll be staying in a hotel, they'll get really suspicious, an I risk ruining my plans entirely.
Also, trust me, I hate to lie to my parents about the SN and potentially break their trust. I hate myself for doing that. But I don't have a choice and I have to do it.

Regarding the slippery bathroom floor, I'm doing it to give myself very short (but potentially valuable) time so that I have a very less chance of being saved.
If at all I manage to set a super glue. I'll use that to seal the bathroom door shut and then I may not make the bathroom floor slippery. If I'm unable to get the super glue, then I'll have to make the bathroom floor slippery.


I do-not want to expose my family to it. But I'm left with no-other choice, especially considering the precarious situation I'm in rn. I get you, it's selfish. But I do-not have any other options left.
If I had any other potions I wouldn't be CTBing at home in the first place. Trust me. I literally mean it.

Btw, what I'm about to say may sound harsh. You and the other members may hate me for this :
If at all I'm saved and forced into treatment, or worse forced into a psych ward, I'll never forgive my parents and anyone else who knows about it.
In India, mental health is a huge taboo, if people get to know about ur mental sufferings, they'll treat you like a outcast full-time. My family will also suffer because of it. Also, my life will be ruined and I'll have to suffer even more because of it (i.e. if at all I (I hopefully won't) survive my CTB attempt.)

Trust me when I say this :
I hate to expose my family to this. I hate the fact that I have to lie to them. But I have already made up my mind, and I'm mentally prepared to do this. Also, I am aware of what I'm doing. Also, suicide wasn't my first option at all. After much contemplation and trying to sort out the issues I'm facing, I've decided to CTB once and for all.

Btw, nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts and opinions.

On second thoughts, I'll leave a decoy note instead.

See, what I mean is I'll (unfortunately have to) fool my family by leaving a suicide note mentioning the fake location and co-ordinates of where I'll be CTBing.
I'll mention the co-ordinates and location far away so that I have more valuable time and that I won't be rescued successfully. Also, I'll set up a alarm on the phone and leave it on the genuine suicide note (but with fake location and co-ordinates) on the table.
My family should wake up, read the suicide note (and hopefully believe the suicide note content), and then immediately leave to the location.

I'm not sure about this plan working and the pitfalls, risks associated with this plan.
Also, I may not drop the slippery bathroom floor option. The slippery bathroom floor would be a extra backup.

Folks, please let me know if I should proceed with this or not.
Do y'all think this will work or not? plz share y'all inputs.

 

[HD72]

I understand your culture and the taboo of mental illness on you and your family. It is a horrible pressure that exists even here in US. We can't tell you what to do but we can support you in whatever you choose to do. I just want you to find peace.

 

[SVEN]

I don't feel (just my personal view) that you should be too influenced by other folks' opinion on something like ctb. Ultimately you are the one who will have to live or die with the decision. You already know that we'll support you in whatever you decide.
As far as the bathroom floor is concerned, most adults have successfully managed to walk over wet surfaces often enough to know that it'll be slippy when they see it. Maybe pop a couple of wedges under the door if you wish to secure it.
Only you know how much you dread facing life if you continue on, should you feel that you're just going to finish up in this same position if you do then do consider your choices seriously and please don't let us unduly influence you. You are the only important one in this situation.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

I don't feel (just my personal view) that you should be too influenced by other folks' opinion on something like ctb. Ultimately you are the one who will have to live or die with the decision. You already know that we'll support you in whatever you decide.

I get what you're saying. In the end I'll have to make the decision for myself and only I can decide what's best for me.

As far as the bathroom floor is concerned, most adults have successfully managed to walk over wet surfaces often enough to know that it'll be slippy when they see it. Maybe pop a couple of wedges under the door if you wish to secure it.

The bathroom door is slightly higher than the floor, so wedges won't work. I am looking at using superglue to seal the door properly (along with locking the door from inside). This should buy me more time and make my chances of being rescued even slimmer. Also, I'll place a bucket filled to the brim with water against the door and make the floor slippery.

Only you know how much you dread facing life if you continue on, should you feel that you're just going to finish up in this same position if you do then do consider your choices seriously and please don't let us unduly influence you. You are the only important one in this situation.

Gotcha.

I understand your culture and the taboo of mental illness on you and your family. It is a horrible pressure that exists even here in US. We can't tell you what to do but we can support you in whatever you choose to do. I just want you to find peace.

It's indeed unfortunate that the contemporary society treats mental health as a taboo. Even worse, those who try to seek help to sort out their issues are treated like outcasts by majority of the society. It's unfortunately even worse in certain parts of the world.

I get you. And trust me I hate to do this.

But, I am left with no choice, my condition is deteriorating, my mental health is severely worse. I am unable to handle it anymore. I had planned to CTB in a different city in a hotel. But, my parents have got to know the reality of SN.
I've (at-least temporarily) managed to convince them that I won't be opening the SN package and somehow (at-least for time being) managed the situation.

I cannot afford to wait beyond coming Sat. It's already risky of me to wait till 30/09/2023. If I wait longer, I may not be able to CTB at all, and I risk my SN possibly getting taken away.
Ultimately I may be forced into treatment or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward. Plus that because of this I'll be treated as a permanent outcast by the society. And my family (i.e. parents and sibling) would suffer along as a result. By CTBing, I could possibly spare them from it. I don't want to burden my family.
In the country I'm from (India), mental health is a huge taboo.

I believe that my parents have sorta(?) forgotten about the SN. I have to act fast and be really careful at the same time. I cannot mess up anything further. If I mention that I'll be staying in a hotel, they'll get really suspicious, an I risk ruining my plans entirely.
Also, trust me, I hate to lie to my parents about the SN and potentially break their trust. I hate myself for doing that. But I don't have a choice and I have to do it.

Regarding the slippery bathroom floor, I'm doing it to give myself very short (but potentially valuable) time so that I have a very less chance of being saved.
If at all I manage to set a super glue. I'll use that to seal the bathroom door shut and then I may not make the bathroom floor slippery. If I'm unable to get the super glue, then I'll have to make the bathroom floor slippery.


I do-not want to expose my family to it. But I'm left with no-other choice, especially considering the precarious situation I'm in rn. I get you, it's selfish. But I do-not have any other options left.
If I had any other potions I wouldn't be CTBing at home in the first place. Trust me. I literally mean it.

Btw, what I'm about to say may sound harsh. You and the other members may hate me for this :
If at all I'm saved and forced into treatment, or worse forced into a psych ward, I'll never forgive my parents and anyone else who knows about it.
In India, mental health is a huge taboo, if people get to know about ur mental sufferings, they'll treat you like a outcast full-time. My family will also suffer because of it. Also, my life will be ruined and I'll have to suffer even more because of it (i.e. if at all I (I hopefully won't) survive my CTB attempt.)

Trust me when I say this :
I hate to expose my family to this. I hate the fact that I have to lie to them. But I have already made up my mind, and I'm mentally prepared to do this. Also, I am aware of what I'm doing. Also, suicide wasn't my first option at all. After much contemplation and trying to sort out the issues I'm facing, I've decided to CTB once and for all.

Btw, nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts and opinions.

On second thoughts, I'll leave a decoy note instead.

See, what I mean is I'll (unfortunately have to) fool my family by leaving a suicide note mentioning the fake location and co-ordinates of where I'll be CTBing.
I'll mention the co-ordinates and location far away so that I have more valuable time and that I won't be rescued successfully. Also, I'll set up a alarm on the phone and leave it on the genuine suicide note (but with fake location and co-ordinates) on the table.
My family should wake up, read the suicide note (and hopefully believe the suicide note content), and then immediately leave to the location.

I'm not sure about this plan working and the pitfalls, risks associated with this plan.
Also, I may not drop the slippery bathroom floor option. The slippery bathroom floor would be a extra backup.

Folks, please let me know if I should proceed with this or not.
Do y'all think this will work or not? plz share y'all inputs.

I think I'll likely go ahead with the decoy note method (genuine suicide note but with fake location and co-ordinates of where I'll CTB). At the same time I'll seal the bathroom door shut and make a portion of it slippery. Hopefully the decoy note plan of mine will work. It should buy me more valuable time.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Another Update:

I've successfully managed to get Antacid tablets, and 1000mg paracetamol tablets and hide them at home.
Also, I've successfully managed to get a black color tape so that once I open the SN package to hide one of the SN bottles, I can repack the SN package to make it look like I haven't opened it at all.

Btw, I have found 2-3 dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablets. But, when I search for prescription requirement, some sources say prescription is not required while some sources say prescription is needed. I'll take the risk and try to buy the dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablet from a different pharma. If that fails I'll have to go with regular OTC antiemetics.

So on Thursday I'll buy sleeping pills and try to get dopamine-blocker antiemetic tablet. Also, I have dropped the plan to buy tablets to speed up bowel movements.

Also, on Wed, my mom will go to a hospital in another area in a city for an appointment. Also, on that day my sibling will be at school and my dad will be busy with WFH. So on that day I'll open the SN package, hide one of the SN bottle, and repack the SN package with black color tape to make it look like I haven't opened the SN package.

Folks, I'll update y'all tmrw or on Wed for sure.
I'll definitely keep y'all updated and continue to update y'all on this thread.
In-case I'll post a new update thread / any other thread, I'll update y'all and post the link in this thread.

Update:

I've started to write my suicide note. I am trying to write it as detailed as possible, i.e. explaining why I have take my own life, what factors led me to this decision, what's my final wishes. Hoping to complete it by Fri.

Also, as I have previously mentioned, tmrw, my mom will be going to a hospital in a different area in the city for an appointment. My sibling will be at school and my dad will be busy with WFH. This means that tmrw is the perfect opportunity for me to unpack the SN package, hide one of the SN bottle, repack the SN package with black color tape to make it look like I haven't opened the SN package.

If that's successful, on Thu, I'll try to buy dopamine-blocker antiemetics. If not I'll have to buy regular OTC antiemetics. Also, I'll buy measuring cups, plastic drinking cups, a straw, and plastic tea-spoon so that I can mix the correct amount of SN and water. I'll be preparing 3-4 cups of drinkable SN (6 at max) on the day I'll CTB. Additionally, I'll be buying sleeping-pills, and, I'll buy superglue so that I can seal the bathroom door properly.

Also, I'll be going ahead with the decoy note plan, I hope it will work. Also I'll make the bathroom floor slippery to buy me (very small but valuable) time to delay my rescue.

Folks, I'll definitely keep y'all updated for sure.
I'll update y'all tmrw for sure.

 

[conarc]

All the best, I can wish for you not to "fail" as the other ones previously...

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

All the best, I can wish for you not to "fail" as the other ones previously...

Thank you. Hoping to succeed in my plans.

 

[conarc]

If you know what I mean...

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Folks, I apologize for the delay in updating y'all.
I am waiting for a mod to approve something before I can update y'all.
I'll try my best to update y'all today itself (Wed - 27/09/2023 IST). If not I'll definitely update y'all tmrw (Thu - 28/09/2023 IST).
I'll definitely keep y'all updated.

 

[Kempel556]

Hope you can find peace , wishing you the best of luck with your plan

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Hope you can find peace , wishing you the best of luck with your plan

Thank you. Hoping to succeed in my plans.

 

[absolutelyyou]

You've been on my mind. I'm so sorry you are having to go through so much of this stress with your family and living in a place where mental health care is non existent practically. You dont deserve the lot you've been handed in life and I hope you are able to find peace from this chaos.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Update:

I've started to write my suicide note. I am trying to write it as detailed as possible, i.e. explaining why I have take my own life, what factors led me to this decision, what's my final wishes. Hoping to complete it by Fri.

Also, as I have previously mentioned, tmrw, my mom will be going to a hospital in a different area in the city for an appointment. My sibling will be at school and my dad will be busy with WFH. This means that tmrw is the perfect opportunity for me to unpack the SN package, hide one of the SN bottle, repack the SN package with black color tape to make it look like I haven't opened the SN package.

If that's successful, on Thu, I'll try to buy dopamine-blocker antiemetics. If not I'll have to buy regular OTC antiemetics. Also, I'll buy measuring cups, plastic drinking cups, a straw, and plastic tea-spoon so that I can mix the correct amount of SN and water. I'll be preparing 3-4 cups of drinkable SN (6 at max) on the day I'll CTB. Additionally, I'll be buying sleeping-pills, and, I'll buy superglue so that I can seal the bathroom door properly.

Also, I'll be going ahead with the decoy note plan, I hope it will work. Also I'll make the bathroom floor slippery to buy me (very small but valuable) time to delay my rescue.

Folks, I'll definitely keep y'all updated for sure.
I'll update y'all tmrw for sure.

Another Update:

I've successfully managed to hide one of the SN bottle at home, in an area where my family likely won't check. Also, I've successfully managed to repack the SN package to make it look like I haven't opened it at all. My parents haven't suspected anything yet (at-least as for time being).

Now, my next task is to buy OTC antiemetic tablets, and sleeping pills. Also, I'll be buying measuring cups, plastic cups and plastic tea-spoons so that I can mix the correct amount of SN and water. Additionally, I'll buy super-glue to seal the bathroom-door shut to delay my rescue. I'll start buying them tomorrow. Also, I'm still preparing my suicide note (mainly aimed to the people that I truly care about, and for those who truly cared about me). I should hopefully finish preparing the note by Friday.

Also, regarding the decoy note plan. My mom's phone stopped working, so she's using the spare phone for time being. My dad has ordered a new phone for her which is scheduled to be delivered by 30/09/2023. If the phone's delivered on time, I can use the spare phone for the decoy note plan by leaving the phone on top of the suicide note after setting the alarm. If the newly ordered phone is not delivered on time, the decoy note plan may not work. I'm hoping to be able to use the decoy note plan.

Btw, a important advice to y'all:

>I've had a convo with Mod @Dot , Dot has shared some valuable inputs. Let me explain:
In-case y'all want to post a image of the SN (after editing it to hide the source), remove the exif data. With the exif data in the image, some of the members disguised as pro-lifers can narrow down to your location and it could mean a total disaster. So my advice would be to not post the image without trying to remove most of the (if not all) exif data from the image. Remember that. I had thought of posting the SN image (after editing it). After the valuable input from Dot, I've decided not to post the image.

>My next advice is also important. Please edit out / blur the product name and description that Y'all will use to CTB, pro-lifers are constantly searching for sources and are trying to take down sources / make it harder to obtain. Also, my advice would be to take approval from the mods before posting the image. Pls keep that in mind. One of the SN sources that was earlier available to anyone now requires a business account to buy SN. I do-not want to blame any-one. But if I remember correctly, a member had posted the SN bottle image without editing it. Because of that a pro-lifer may have found out, and that SN source now requires a business account in order to purchase it.

>Be careful with whom y'all share the sources. Pls keep that in mind and be really careful about it. Use your discretion while sharing the sources. Your are not obligated to share sources with everyone. Pls keep that in mind. Pls.

Folks, I'll update y'all tmrw for sure.
I'll definitely keep y'all updated.

You've been on my mind. I'm so sorry you are having to go through so much of this stress with your family and living in a place where mental health care is non existent practically. You dont deserve the lot you've been handed in life and I hope you are able to find peace from this chaos.

Thank you . Your concern means a lot to me.

 

[Renee]

I am so sorry PracheenKaal. What do you mean precarious situation? Is something unsafe? I am not a prolifer and would never betray members trust. I do think everyone has they right to CTB. I just hate it at such a young age.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

I am so sorry PracheenKaal. What do you mean precarious situation? Is something unsafe?

My parents have got to know the reality of SN. I've somehow managed the situation. It's already risky of me to wait till 30/09/2023 to CTB. I'm worried that my parents would get suspicious again and possibly take my SN away (I've managed to hide one of the SN bottle where my parents likely won't check, but I'm still worried that they'll eventually figure out). I do not want to be forced into treatment, or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward.

In my country (India), mental health is a huge taboo. If anyone gets to know about ur mental suffering, they'll most likely treat you as an full time outcast. My family would suffer along as an result. Plus that in most of the hospitals, a psych ward would be a nightmare. Psych ward experience is not gonna be pleasant. Further, if others get to know that I've been admitted in a psych ward, my life will get a whole lot worse.

So, I'm proceeding with my emergency CTB plan carefully and trying to avoid further suspicion. Furthermore, I'm trying to make sure that my intentions aren't fully figured out, also I do-not want to end up in a psych ward. This precarious situation I'm in means that I have to really careful. I cannot afford for my opportunity to CTB to be permanently ruined. Also, my condition is worsening with the progressing days. I do-not want more people to get to know about my worsening condition, and my life being ruined.

You and the other members might hate me for this. But, if at all I'm forced into treatment, or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward, I'll never forgive my parents and any-one else who knows about it. I want to CTB and I've already made up my mind. Also, this may sound harsh. But, it's selfish of my parents and any-one else to expect me / force me to live. IDC, it's incredibly selfish of them to expect / force me to live.

I have to be successful in my CTB attempt on 30/09/2023 and hopefully be dead in the early morning hours of 1/10/2023. If I am not successful, my life will be ruined permanently. I have to be successful and somehow manage to CTB under the situation I'm in.

I am not a prolifer and would never betray members trust. I do think everyone has they right to CTB. I just hate it at such a young age.

It's indeed unfortunate, but at-times, we're left with no choice. Also, suicide wasn't my first option at all.

 

[tired0zymandias]

Context (previous post) for those who are new to this post:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-much-earlier-than-expected-no-choice.133553/

After much contemplation. I have decided that I'll not CTB today (sat- 23/09/2023). It's just not possible. And I do-not want to act on impulse. Also, a lot of factors meant that it wouldn't be feasible for me to CTB today. I'll CTB on 30/09/2023 (sat).
IK. It's risky of me to CTB next week when my parents have discovered the reality of SN. But, I am willing to take that risk. Also, I do-not have much choice left.

So here's my emergency SN plan (Btw note that some of the details have been mentioned in the previous post):
1. Open the SN package, hide 1 SN bottle somewhere else at home.
2. Repackage the box containing the remaining 1 SN bottle in a way to make it look like I haven't opened the package yet.
3. Start buying OTC antiemetics, painkillers, sleeping pills, antacids and hide them.
4. Try to get Benzos and proper antiemetics (if not go with items procured in step 3 only).
5. Buy meds to speed up bowel movement.
6. Consume SN after sat midnight.

Here's more info about my plan:
I'll be following stat dose regimen (courtesy vizzy's SN guide. But with heavy modifications due to the bloody situation I'm in):

Here's Stat does regimen:
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Stat Dose

Some people will not want to wait 2 days or fear that two days of using an antiemetic will have a negative effect on them. Stat dose is equally successful as the two day regime. Dignitas only use a Stat Dose process. Remember to consider the appropriate fasting and try not to drink for 2 hours beforehand.

1 hour before drinking SN 600mg of Ibuprofen or 1000mg of paracetamol. You can use any pain killer as long as you stay within the recommended dose

45 minutes before drinking SN 3 X 10mg Metoclopramide (30mg in total)

30 minutes before drinking SN Double dose of what is recommended on the label of the antacid.

SN drink

Once consumed, immediately relax on a bed, couch or reclining chair. There is no way to predict for an individual when the effects will start to happen. The SN will give you low blood pressure and fainting is a common occurrence. This is a good thing as you are now unconscious and will feel nothing.

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Instead of using Metos, I'll be using OTC antiemetics instead.
Also, 30 minutes before SN i'll consume sleeping pills.
Since I'm living with my family (i.e,. parents and sibling) at home, I cannot fast during daytime. Instead I'll start fasting from 8pm or 8:30pm for 6-6.5 hours. Then I'll consume SN. Additionally I'll consume meds to speed up bowel movement.

My advice to y'all: Plz plan extra carefully. Make sure that your CTB plans has a minimal (if not zero) chance of getting derailed and botched up.

I really hope this emergency plan works.
I don't have much time and options left.
I'll keep y'all updated.
I'll continuously update this thread till tmrw evening. After that I'll be updating y'all about my plan progress and situation in a new update threads.
I shall continuously update y'all. I assure y'all that.

Good luck with your plan! I'll do ctb by SN soon too. Hope you get a peace that you deserve

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Good luck with your plan! I'll do ctb by SN soon too. Hope you get a peace that you deserve

Thank you. Hoping to succeed in my plans.
And good luck to you too! , I sincerely hope that u will successfully find the freedom and peace you need.