Venting please tell me what to do

[heroine]

do NOT tell me anything like get over it or tell me tp try and move on or anything like that. please don't. it won't do any good and will only aggravate me more

I have bpd. I have an fp. he also has bpd. we were online friends for over a year and were very very close and talked every single day. we have gone through a lot together and he says I'm his best friend and his favorite. in the past months I have been suffering over because he got a new friend group and stadted spending much more quality time with them than he did me. said friend group is also online, he doesn't have irl friends and I only have one. we still talked a lot, very often, and he was always very kind to me and told me he loved me (platonically; we were just friends and I do not and have never felt anything romantic towards him) and praised me and stuff but conversations became repetitive and he started going to them and only them about things he'd formerly mostly do and talk about with me. and he did all these activities and stuff with them that he hardly, if ever did with me. even before this, I have suffered because of his other friends. I have attempted to mold myself and my personality to make him like me more and pay more attention to me, it never worked out.

he has promised to tell me if i do something he doesn't like, always. so there was no miscommunication on his end and no broken boundaries, because he didnt set any and told me if i did something he doesnt want me to do hed tell me so i could stop. because i told him to do that because i want to be a good friend. when I expressed feeling like he doesn't need me and likes his other friends more, he always said thats not true and tried to reassure me and etc. and he told me he would try to and wanted to be better for me because he loves me. but actions speak louder than words and no matter how much reassurance he gave me the things I mentioned in the other paragraph never stopped it was unbearable.

he told me he'd always love me and never leave me or anything like that. he promised multiple times and even told me I'm his favorite out of all his friends and if I said he liked them more he'd say that's not true. he has always been a kind person and I've tried my hardest to do things for him and help him and give him advice and support him in everything and give him endless praise and listen whenever he needed something. even with all of my fears and etc I was always reasonable whenever he gave genuine reasons for not responding to me or not doing the things he said he'd do. even if I was still upset, for example one time he didn't respond to me and was being dry in a conversation and I was upset, but he told me it was because his girlfriend is having a really bad breakdown (through text), and I hate his girlfriend and didn't care but nonetheless I said it's okay and waited for it to be over because it'd be unreasonable to still be upset. I was never really irrational or anything. at least I don't think I was, and he promised to tell me if I did something he didn't like or made him uncomfortable or anything like that. I've never openly expressed dislike towards any of his other friends near him or anything like that and have always been civil and normal whenever i had to interact with them. im sure he knew i hate his other friends because he knows the kind of person i am regarding things like that very well. but i never said anything because I knew he wouldn't like that.

I have horrible trust issues that have been amplified because of a recent situation I'd prefer to not get into detail about. he knows this. I have a lot of trouble believing him or anything he says because of this and because of everything else; it'd be easier for me to if not for the things with his other friends. he has gotten frustrated with me being unable to believe him and has snapped at me but always apologized and I forgave him.

on the night of the 23rd I fell asleep upset becwuse he doesn't need me and would be fine with just his other friends, that's how it's always been. on the 24th he said good morning like he always does and that he missed me. I said good morning back and he asked how I slept and I said good but was being dry because what's the point when he had his other friends who I'm sure he likes more anyway? he asked if I was ok and I said no and explained why and told him to talk to his other friends because I just cant believe anything he says. I don't fully remember the conversation but I told him to leave me alone and he said sorry and I didn't respond and we didn't really interact at all for the next day and a half or so. increasingly upset and not seeing a point when he doesn't love me anyway, I impulsively screenshotted things I've said about him from my private twitter account that only has one follower (not him) and sent them to him to get him to hate me without him ending up hating me otherwise, and then blocked him. he messaged me on another social media saying he doesn't hate me, he's sorry and misses me. i called him a liar and he said hes not, not to me. when I replied he said things that contradicted things he's said and promised before. he told me I was his favorite and he can't live without me and said like "how am I meant to survive without talking to them" in a server about me when I was isolating myself from everyone and he said he doesn't like his other friends more than me. but suddenly that's not true, he's not gonna like me More and I'm only "one of" the closest people to him. he said it makes him feel evil if he likes someone more, and while I'd still be upset considering how much I've done, i would've understood that had he not lied and said I am his favorite first. I hate liars more than anything. he knows that. i think he went to sleep after this because it was late and he always sleeps around thst time but I split on him and said i loathe him multiple times and sent a screenshot of him saying he likes me more and I'm his favorite and got angry over him lying to me. in the morning he didn't apologize. the only message was "no matter what I say you don't believe me". I replied and said I wonder why and another thing I don't fully remember I said he's not even apologizing and said I hate him again. he said he loved me and still does, and he's sorry he couldn't live up to what I wanted. I sent more things that I cannot remember, he deactivated said social media account so I can't access the messages anymore. after several hours of no response, I said this (copy pasted from my notes app that I wrote it in first): "i didn't want to do this. i was hoping itd be resolved somehow and youd finally understand but youre always like this and idoubt you'll ever bother responding because you gave up on me even though you said you wouldn't. everything you told me was just a lie i wish you understood me i wish you werent a liar i wish i was your first choice" and blocked him on that social media and another account I had on it. after that he immediately unfollowed me on all of my other accounts and etc and removed me from his things with no hesitation. I think the only social media I'm not blocked on yet is pinterest.

the night on the same day, I attempted suicide. I can't live without my fp. I logged into an alt account he had me added on and told him the method I was using, told him that all I wanted from him was for him to spend more quality time with me again like he used to and how I couldn't bear the pain of everything I've already said here. I said I was doing it so he wouldn't forget me. thatw as indeed part of the reason.

I chickened out because the pressure on my head only barely brought me back to my senses and cried myself to sleep. the morning after, I was way too scared to log into my alt to see his response, and I was going to bite the bullet but one of my other friends offered to check for me so I gave them the login and they told me there was no response. I checked. they were right and he blocked me on that too, blocked my main account (formerly only I had blocked him) and i think all of our mutual friends (this is discord) but I can't really check

please god tell me what to do. I cannot live without my fp. it was all impulsive and I know that's not an excuse but I would do anything I don't know waht to do I don't know ove already suffered so much amd done so much just to get him to like me. please someone tell me what I can do to potentially fix this I just want him back. please. if I can't I am going to ctb
I also think he mightve vagued me negatively on one of his socials that I've been obsessively checking but I can't know for sure but it's most likely it wad about me
alsonyes he knew he's my fp he knew very very very very well and dint mind at all please someone tell me

 

[TBONTB]

It's hard to tell you what to do. I wanted to post to say you are heard, but actually don't have advice. I guess my only advice is see what you can do to regulate and get calm.

 

[heroine]

It's hard to tell you what to do. I wanted to post to say you are heard, but actually don't have advice. I guess my only advice is see what you can do to regulate and get calm.

I can't do that he's the only thing that helps me regulate myself and calm down the othe thing is my closest friend who but hes a did system and he's been dormant for like 2 weeks so I can't go to him and either way I mostly calm down from my fp

 

[Liseli]

That is a lot. First step I'd honestly suggest it letting him calm down and yourself no matter how much it hurts. If you can find a communication way with him. Reflect on his actions and yours. The most important thing I can tell you is. Never EVER. Use. "You did this. You did that." Like. "You abandoned me" rather say. "I feel abandoned." Alone this can make a huge shift in communication. He will feel less attacked when you tell it to him like that. You gotta own up to the negative things you said to him and how it could have affected him. Say you're sorry. Not just an empty sorry. Legit tell him how it happened why it happened and how it could have affected him. Like for instance the blocking. It honestly sounds like he did the same to protect his own self aswell. If you send an apology message to him. Let someone else read over it.

(I also did block people impulsively and left them in the past I am no saint either but this is the advice I could give you)

Unimportant note. Mental illness is a bitch.

Good news. You have power to act

 

[heroine]

That is a lot. First step I'd honestly suggest it letting him calm down and yourself no matter how much it hurts. If you can find a communication way with him. Reflect on his actions and yours. The most important thing I can tell you is. Never EVER. Use. "You did this. You did that." Like. "You abandoned me" rather say. "I feel abandoned." Alone this can make a huge shift in communication. He will feel less attacked when you tell it to him like that. You gotta own up to the negative things you said to him and how it could have affected him. Say you're sorry. Not just an empty sorry. Legit tell him how it happened why it happened and how it could have affected him. Like for instance the blocking. It honestly sounds like he did the same to protect his own self aswell. If you send an apology message to him. Let someone else read over it.

(I also did block people impulsively and left them in the past I am no saint either but this is the advice I could give you)

Unimportant note. Mental illness is a bitch.

Good news. You have power to act

thank you so much. this helped me feel a little bit better. I just don't know what ro do since it might seem excessive if I use Another alt to message him (but I might have to since you're right) and I don't even know how I can do that since he has messages disabled except for people he follows on another social, he deactivated another one and I assume he deleted another one because he only downloaded it to talk to me on it. but I can maybe try to join a discord server I know he's in on an alt and dm him through that if he has messages from server members enabled, and if not maybe I can try pinterest if he 1. doesn't block me on that within the next few days and 2. has messages on there enabled. if neither of those work then I don't know

 

[Liseli]

thank you so much. this helped me feel a little bit better. I just don't know what ro do since it might seem excessive if I use Another alt to message him (but I might have to since you're right) and I don't even know how I can do that since he has messages disabled except for people he follows on another social, he deactivated another one and I assume he deleted another one because he only downloaded it to talk to me on it. but I can maybe try to join a discord server I know he's in on an alt and dm him through that if he has messages from server members enabled, and if not maybe I can try pinterest if he 1. doesn't block me on that within the next few days and 2. has messages on there enabled. if neither of those work then I don't know

Honestly girl take a mf break for yourself you had an attempt aswell. I know stuff you said or he said both ain't fine. But seriously get some rest. You can make a structured plan and how to execute it in a few days later. Now try to rest.

 

[heroine]

Honestly girl take a mf break for yourself you had an attempt aswell. I know stuff you said or he said both ain't fine. But seriously get some rest. You can make a structured plan and how to execute it in a few days later. Now try to rest.

thank you so much I will

 

[heroine]

does anyone know what I'm supposed to do to cope in the meantime. and what if he just ends up still hating me anyway. I'm so useless without him I haven't even replied to any of my other friends messages except my closest friends headmate who was the one who offered to check for me
I understand it would be hypocritical of me to be upset over him saying I'm just one of the people closest to him while I have someone I consider closer it absolutely would and because of that I wouldn't be too upset over that if he didn't first lie to me and say I was the closest. and even then one of the only reasons I consider them closer is becwuse I don't believe he truly loves me because he never did and therefore I was constantly anxious over him which means I didn't trust him with things my closest friend knows about e.g my 1 follower private twitter. and I never felt he understood me at all

 

[heroine]

i don't know what to do its never gonna work it's all my fault he's gonna hate me either way

 

[heroine]

its 1am over here and I can't sleep because all I can think about is how he's definitely laughing at me with his other friends

 

[Forever Sleep]

its 1am over here and I can't sleep because all I can think about is how he's definitely laughing at me with his other friends

It sounds as if your friend did care about and respect you so, I doubt he's mocking you with his friends. If they are more on the 'normie' side, they may find your attachment unusual but, I think you mentioned this guy has BPD also so- I'd imagine he would have more of a grasp of what it makes you feel/ need. So- I doubt he'd mock it.

I don't really know what to advise though. It's not to blame you here. I know your massive distress and anxiety pushed you to do it but, it does sound as if your doubt and demands of him have become too much for him to handle right now.

I'm saying that as someone who also pushed a former best friend too far. Not that I have BPD that I'm aware of but, I am prone to limerence and becoming too overdependent/ clingy towards friends. It made me step back and realise I was too much for them.

I think you probably do need to give him some time and preferably, wait for him to get back in touch with you.

I suppose in a way- it's like a romantic relationship. It certainly has the intensity of one. But, maybe you need ground rules from the start. Things each other needs and whether the other is willing to do them.

I guess the greater issue is trust though. Can you cope with a FP having other friends without feeling your relationship is threatened? Is there in fact anything they can say that would make you totally comfortable?

If you'll never trust completely. Not saying you should, but if it's too extreme. That nothing they say or do will allay your concerns, then- either you still continue with the relationship and you suffer. They probably suffer too because, you'll likely find it hard to conceal the jealousy and need for constant reassurance.

Or, if there are things they could say and do to reassure you- What are they and, are they willing to comply with them? Is it a matter of spending a certain percentage of time with you? Responding promtly, no matter what they're doing etc? Are they happy to make that commitment? If not- one of you will suffer.

Either you continue and suffer because it's still better than nothing or, you decide the whole thing is too toxic I suppose. Not that either person is meaning to be toxic of course. Just more a case of supply not matching demand.

It's absolutely the watered down version I realise, but I had to tackle my own limerence over people because it was messing me up so much. That was hard to get rid of because it was a nicer part of my life- fantasizing about people but, I saw it was just making me crazy ultimately.

 

[heroine]

It sounds as if your friend did care about and respect you so, I doubt he's mocking you with his friends. If they are more on the 'normie' side, they may find your attachment unusual but, I think you mentioned this guy has BPD also so- I'd imagine he would have more of a grasp of what it makes you feel/ need. So- I doubt he'd mock it.

thank you for the response. thank you idk he's always known I'm a very obsessive person and has never judged me over it or anything like that, in fact I stalk his socials and he didnt mind at All and even gave me more of his old accounts to look through. hell I even told him id kill him if he left me in a lighthearted way and he just went okayyy i wont levae you anyway I'm just scared because of how much he knew and admittedly the dumb things I used to say around him before I learned from it and how easily he threw me away he's poking fun at me now. a long time ago before he got his friend group he said he'd never hate me and I asked what if I told him I really hate one of his other friends even though I know they're technically not doing anything wrong just because they're so close to him and he's my fp and he said he'd understand because he feels similarly sometimes. and he's expressed possessiveness over someone he loves a Lot before. but I still can't shake the feeling

I'm saying that as someone who also pushed a former best friend too far. Not that I have BPD that I'm aware of but, I am prone to limerence and becoming too overdependent/ clingy towards friends. It made me step back and realise I was too much for them.

I think you probably do need to give him some time and preferably, wait for him to get back in touch with you.

I suppose in a way- it's like a romantic relationship. It certainly has the intensity of one. But, maybe you need ground rules from the start. Things each other needs and whether the other is willing to do them.

that first part scares me because he said he'd never get overwhelmed by me and that I'm not overwhelming and that. he always said if I was making him uncomfortable or doing something he didnt like he'd tell me. and if he told me I would stop immediately. was that just a lie too?

I know it'd be better to wait and ive though about that but I'm scared he never will. what if he just hates me now even though he said he wouldn't I'm sure he does. and third part again no boundaries were set by him. if there were I absolutely would've respected them. I repeated to him I want him ro spend more time with me (we talked VERY often, but again it was repetitive as hell and he started only going to his other friends about things he'd talk to with me before) and I'm sad he always gets distracted by them multiple times a day. he said he genuinely wants to be better and I said I don't want him to spend time with me out of a feeling of obligation I want him to do it because he wants to and he said its not out of obligation and he doesn't really do things like that, he wants to

I guess the greater issue is trust though. Can you cope with a FP having other friends without feeling your relationship is threatened? Is there in fact anything they can say that would make you totally comfortable?

If you'll never trust completely. Not saying you should, but if it's too extreme. That nothing they say or do will allay your concerns, then- either you still continue with the relationship and you suffer. They probably suffer too because, you'll likely find it hard to conceal the jealousy and need for constant reassurance.

Or, if there are things they could say and do to reassure you- What are they and, are they willing to comply with them? Is it a matter of spending a certain percentage of time with you? Responding promtly, no matter what they're doing etc? Are they happy to make that commitment? If not- one of you will suffer.

I could hypothetically cope with it, yeah. all of my previous fps have, obviously, had other friends and I didn't like it but the difference between them and him is that they never said that im their favorite or whatever then went and do things with their other friends that they never do with me and even start only doing things with them that they'd previously do with me. I don't think I was ever the favorite of any of my previous ones nor was I as close with them. I take the title of favorite and best friend very seriously, and I don't like it if they're tossed around carelessly and he'd constantly repeat it to me that I'm his favorite and he doesn't like his other friends more and he wants to be better and etc. he even told me I'm the most important person in his life a while ago. I think, if not for this, I would DEFINITELY still be suffering over his other friends but wouldn't bother him all that much over it. so I guess the biggest thing is that I'm angry he lied to me after all those promises and words of reassurance

all I wanted was for him to spend quality time with me again and think about me more, that's whatd it'd take to shut me up and make me feel comfortable again, its not really a matter of saying something. since he always did try to reassure me but actions speak louder than words. though a reason why he's always getting distracted by them would be nice, for example recently he told me he was going to be busy all day so don't worry about spotty responses, because he knows I get upset, and I understood and didn't get upset over him not responding even once. I understand he's not going to be available 24/7, but when he is and he doesn't respond to me, that's when I get anxious and sad. and another example, another fp of mine (I am not sure if they're an fp anymore but it was really bad for me regarding them in august) told me that they might not reply to everything or respond quickly, and it's not because they hate me or don't want to be friends anymore, they just have a lot of anxiety when it comes to texting and might be busy with classes. I still feel sad and lonely when they don't respond but I understand and haven't nagged them about it, ever.

 

[Forever Sleep]

thank you for the response. thank you idk he's always known I'm a very obsessive person and has never judged me over it or anything like that, in fact I stalk his socials and he didnt mind at All and even gave me more of his old accounts to look through. hell I even told him id kill him if he left me in a lighthearted way and he just went okayyy i wont levae you anyway I'm just scared because of how much he knew and admittedly the dumb things I used to say around him before I learned from it and how easily he threw me away he's poking fun at me now. a long time ago before he got his friend group he said he'd never hate me and I asked what if I told him I really hate one of his other friends even though I know they're technically not doing anything wrong just because they're so close to him and he's my fp and he said he'd understand because he feels similarly sometimes. and he's expressed possessiveness over someone he loves a Lot before. but I still can't shake the feeling

that first part scares me because he said he'd never get overwhelmed by me and that I'm not overwhelming and that. he always said if I was making him uncomfortable or doing something he didnt like he'd tell me. and if he told me I would stop immediately. was that just a lie too?

I know it'd be better to wait and ive though about that but I'm scared he never will. what if he just hates me now even though he said he wouldn't I'm sure he does. and third part again no boundaries were set by him. if there were I absolutely would've respected them. I repeated to him I want him ro spend more time with me (we talked VERY often, but again it was repetitive as hell and he started only going to his other friends about things he'd talk to with me before) and I'm sad he always gets distracted by them multiple times a day. he said he genuinely wants to be better and I said I don't want him to spend time with me out of a feeling of obligation I want him to do it because he wants to and he said its not out of obligation and he doesn't really do things like that, he wants to


I could hypothetically cope with it, yeah. all of my previous fps have, obviously, had other friends and I didn't like it but the difference between them and him is that they never said that im their favorite or whatever then went and do things with their other friends that they never do with me and even start only doing things with them that they'd previously do with me. I don't think I was ever the favorite of any of my previous ones nor was I as close with them. I take the title of favorite and best friend very seriously, and I don't like it if they're tossed around carelessly and he'd constantly repeat it to me that I'm his favorite and he doesn't like his other friends more and he wants to be better and etc. he even told me I'm the most important person in his life a while ago. I think, if not for this, I would DEFINITELY still be suffering over his other friends but wouldn't bother him all that much over it. so I guess the biggest thing is that I'm angry he lied to me after all those promises and words of reassurance

all I wanted was for him to spend quality time with me again and think about me more, that's whatd it'd take to shut me up and make me feel comfortable again, its not really a matter of saying something. since he always did try to reassure me but actions speak louder than words. though a reason why he's always getting distracted by them would be nice, for example recently he told me he was going to be busy all day so don't worry about spotty responses, because he knows I get upset, and I understood and didn't get upset over him not responding even once. I understand he's not going to be available 24/7, but when he is and he doesn't respond to me, that's when I get anxious and sad. and another example, another fp of mine (I am not sure if they're an fp anymore but it was really bad for me regarding them in august) told me that they might not reply to everything or respond quickly, and it's not because they hate me or don't want to be friends anymore, they just have a lot of anxiety when it comes to texting and might be busy with classes. I still feel sad and lonely when they don't respond but I understand and haven't nagged them about it, ever.

He may not necessarily have been lying when he expressed how important you were to him- especially in that moment. It's not to say you aren't still now but, people can change I guess. Our needs and interests can change. Maybe he's someone who can have multiple people that are important to him.

We can't really dictate how friends treat us. I think I probably got to a stage where I realised my own ideal needs were too demanding for a friend. More suited to a partner at that level of commitment.

It may not have been the neediness that was overwhelming though. It may be the level of jealousy and doubt towards him. Again- not blaming you. We feel how we feel but, if that wasn't expressed so much at the start, he may not have been prepared for it.

I guess there's a difference between neediness and possessiveness. Did you maybe give him the impression that you would be ok with him having other friends? But then, he would be spending time with them to do that. Maybe you both misunderstood to some extent.

Really though, I'm just guessing here. It will be a shame if you never get the chance to have a calm and rational talk about what became overwhelming for both of you.

I guess in any intense relationship, there is stuff to be learnt. Maybe things it's even important to reveal/ talk about at the start.

I also think 'hate' is such a strong emotion. It depends on the person of course but, I think many people only tend to hate those that have really wronged them. I doubt he hates you.

I hope you do get the chance to talk to him eventually and that you get both your perspectives aired. I think partly, it must be so distressing because you're not entirely sure how he feels. I hope you both feel able to be honest with one another eventually- without placing blame so much.

 

[heroine]

He may not necessarily have been lying when he expressed how important you were to him- especially in that moment. It's not to say you aren't still now but, people can change I guess. Our needs and interests can change. Maybe he's someone who can have multiple people that are important to him.

We can't really dictate how friends treat us. I think I probably got to a stage where I realised my own ideal needs were too demanding for a friend. More suited to a partner at that level of commitment.

It may not have been the neediness that was overwhelming though. It may be the level of jealousy and doubt towards him. Again- not blaming you. We feel how we feel but, if that wasn't expressed so much at the start, he may not have been prepared for it.

I guess there's a difference between neediness and possessiveness. Did you maybe give him the impression that you would be ok with him having other friends? But then, he would be spending time with them to do that. Maybe you both misunderstood to some extent.

it's not that I wasn't "ok" with him having other friends. sure, in a perfect world I'd be his only friend, but I understand it's not anywhere near my place, or anyone's place to decide how many friends he has. hell, I have a lot of friends too. and I do not and have never wanted to make him feel bad for having other friends or anything like that, as much as I hate his other friends I just wanted him to spend more time with me again and think about me again instead of only his other friends.

if I was overwhelming him or making him uncomfortable or anything like that he said he'd tell me. I did whatever (within reason; like how I said, for example, I never openly expressed dislike or anything of the sort for any of his other friends around him. he never said he wouldn't like that but I feel its common sense to not insult friends of your friends) because he never expressed discomfort with any of it. I know I can't dictate how he treats me but he Said he wants to be better and be the best friend he can for me and he wants to spend more time with me because he loves me. if he didn't want to do that surely he wouldn't have said any of that.

if I was ever his "favorite" which I doubt then it never changed, he kept saying that even when he was talking to me after I blocked him. i just want to die

 

[heroine]

i'm in hell what are the odds my fp loves me again
I wish I didn't chicken out
i can't take it anymore it's all my fault
i want to die so bad
he promised so many things and none of them were true he's such a liar
i just want to die
i'm in so much pain

 

[heroine]

i'm going to throw up

 

[heroine]

I should judt ctb tonight and notbstupidly chicken out again

 

[heroine]

had a dream he apologized and said he really regrets it. and another where I said, in relation to it, "I thought it was a dream but if the messages were real maybe I have hope". why does this world love to taunt me
I wish I died in my sleep so I could've stayed in that dream forever

 

[Manaaja]

First, get some sleep. Second, check that you feel physically safe and comfortable. Third, rest. Fourth, learn to not think. Overthinking makes you just run in cycles. I know from my own experience that the worse you feel the more you feel like you should think, but honestly, it's the opposite.

It can feel really hard, and it can be really hard, but sometimes brains just get stuck on overactive mode, and you need to make a choice to calm down. You have to find the strength and bravery to calm down.

Then you can make more rational choices, choices that are better for you. I suggest also keeping you eyes open for other people, so you can find that there are other people like him. Maybe you'll even find people you'll like more than him.

Remember, your self-worth isn't tied to how he thinks and feels about you. It isn't tied to his actions. Though I know it does feel like it. Humans are social, they want to be liked by others.

 

[heroine]

then you can make more rational choices, choices that are better for you. I suggest also keeping you eyes open for other people, so you can find that there are other people like him. Maybe you'll even find people you'll like more than him.

don't say that, there's nobody who can ever replace him

 

[Manaaja]

don't say that, there's nobody who can ever replace him

Then why do a lot of people live happy, fulfilling lives without ever meeting him?

 

[heroine]

Then why do a lot of people live happy, fulfilling lives without ever meeting him?

because they didn't know him. it's not a matter of that. even if by some chance I find someone I like "more" my fp isn't replaceable by any means. no one will fill the void he does. considering some people are so cruel to him he just might not fill the same void for some others but he does for me. everyone is different

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

This all sounds like the end,,, this is a nightmare,, I can't give advice because God I wouldn't know either, I think what others advice in here is your best bet,, but just the idea even the slight thought of no longer getting to observe my love would kill me faster then my original plan,, the heart sink and that sick beating like your going to burst without even really feeling like you've got any breath..

My love would be the last thing I could truly loose to drive me off the edge completely.


Whatever happens I hope you can both come back together because I know that's what you want I believe.

 

[heroine]

This all sounds like the end,,, this is a nightmare,, I can't give advice because God I wouldn't know either, I think what others advice in here is your best bet,, but just the idea even the slight thought of no longer getting to observe my love would kill me faster then my original plan,, the heart sink and that sick beating like your going to burst without even really feeling like you've got any breath..

My love would be the last thing I could truly loose to drive me off the edge completely.


Whatever happens I hope you can both come back together because I know that's what you want I believe.

thank you. i'm praying for that.

 

[Manaaja]

because they didn't know him. it's not a matter of that. even if by some chance I find someone I like "more" my fp isn't replaceable by any means. no one will fill the void he does. considering some people are so cruel to him he just might not fill the same void for some others but he does for me. everyone is different

Do you want change or do you want to stay in your situation?

 

[heroine]

Do you want change or do you want to stay in your situation?

i want my fp. i'll change for him.

 

[Manaaja]

i want my fp. i'll change for him.

You said you have bpd. Why did you say that?

 

[heroine]

You said you have bpd. Why did you say that?

because, when I first read the list of symptoms most of them really sounded like me, then I went on to do extensive research over the course of several months since I can't know everything about it through just one reading of symptoms and came to the conclusion I almost definitely have it?

 

[heroine]

i think im gonna try to apologize to him in 5ish hours because I physically can't take it anymore. if that's a stupid idea tell me please because if I make it any worse im ctb