Please tell me about your failed suicide attempts

[NormaJeane]

Hi, friends, please tell me about your failed suicide attempts! People here on Sanctioned Suicide are specialists in this area.

1. How could you set a date?
2. Did you book a hotel room?
3. Did you try do die in the forest?
4. How did you overcome your fear of death?
5. How did you overcome your fear of a painful death (if not peaceful)?
6. Which method did you use?
7. What did not work with the method?
8. Did you end up in hospital?

Two weeks ago, I used the R2D Rebreather II to end my life, but the device did not work, it felt like a scam. The parts of the device look cheap and it was difficult to get an airtight seal. So I have to try another method.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Hi, friends, please tell me about your failed suicide attempts! People here on Sanctioned Suicide are specialists in this area.

1. How could you set a date?
2. Did you book a hotel room?
3. Did you try do die in the forest?
4. How did you overcome your fear of death?
5. How did you overcome your fear of a painful death (if not peaceful)?
6. Which method did you use?
7. What did not work with the method?
8. Did you end up in hospital?

Two weeks ago, I used the R2D Rebreather II to end my life, but the device did not work, it felt like a scam. The parts of the device look cheap and it was difficult to get an airtight seal. So I have to try another method.

A couple of times I set a date, but I found out it doesnt really help. So far every attempt has been at home, but that may change soon. So far every attempt was partial, but that may also change soon. I either never managed to get over the survival instinct or I never managed to find my sweet spot. How I got over my SI was by focusing on the pain. It wasn't easy though. Never have been in a hospital over this.

 

[nobodyspecial]

Both were spontaneous events. I'd been drinking both times. First one I attempted to hang myself from a beam in my apartment at the time. My now ex-wife came in unexpectedly and got me down.

Second time was about two years later. I was over at my buddy's house and knew where he kept his guns and went and grabbed one of his sidearms and went out back and pulled the trigger but it jammed.

 

[Pure]

June 2018 I was a fucking mess. Depressed as hell and completely triggered by the suicides of Kate Spade and Avicii. Anthony Bourdain died soon after and all the talk about him was sorta of my breaking point. Some people were cruel as hell.

My roommate was studying abroad, classes just ended for me and I knew this would be the perfect time to do so. I didn't know about this website but had used r/sanctionedsuicide right up until I finally had the courage to make a post and the SAME DAY reddit nuked the subreddit. I swear to God I thought Admin saw my post and said enough. So I'm pacing in my apartment deciding between partial hanging or jumping off a bridge to drown. I do a coin flip. Drowning lmao. I take an uber to downtown at like....11pm and I sit there for like 3 hours doing nothing. I can't really remember much except there were two other people near me. I think they were homeless. Anyways, I'm miserable. Not just mentally but physically. I literally woke up with a fever and sore throat. I decide why not and called my therapist in the middle of the night....wasnt expecting her to pick up but I said at least nobody can say I didn't try. She doesn't answer (to nobody's surprise). So I'm chilling, kind of numb. Watched a party boat go by...wish I could remember the song they played. Anyways I'm on my phone which is almost dying and I get a call from therapist. We chat, I tell her how miserable I am, I drop the fact I'm not in my apartment and I tell her i was planning to jump, she panics and won't hang up even though I told her my voice was hurting. I wouldn't tell her where I was specifically because I knew she'd call the cops. No thank I do not need the trigger happy freaks to kill me when I want to do it myself. I finally agree to go to the hospital bc I thought I could a psychiatrist on demand. I uber there. I go to the ED crying my eyes out. Ended up waiting hours to see a psych. I thought they'd let me go (I guess I was fucking delusional bc spoiler: I didn't see the outside until 10 days later). I'm listening to the people next to me get discharged by a medical assistant and thinking nice I'll be next. I'm hitching a bus back home and offing myself there. The psychiatrist I saw came personally to tell me I'm being incarcerated- sorry I mean I have to choose between voluntarily committing myself or being involuntarily committed. I choose "voluntarily".

More hours pass, two more psych residents come to see me. Did not answer any of their questions and they just looked at each other then left lmaooo (I thought one of them looked just like Hugh Laurie and I almost said that). Anyways I get wheeled to the cells-sorry my room. 10 days later I get out.

Fin.

So not a suicide attempt, but an attempt to an attempt I guess. I just call it a gesture tbh

 

[Bedrock48]

Hi, friends, please tell me about your failed suicide attempts! People here on Sanctioned Suicide are specialists in this area.

1. How could you set a date?
2. Did you book a hotel room?
3. Did you try do die in the forest?
4. How did you overcome your fear of death?
5. How did you overcome your fear of a painful death (if not peaceful)?
6. Which method did you use?
7. What did not work with the method?
8. Did you end up in hospital?

Two weeks ago, I used the R2D Rebreather II to end my life, but the device did not work, it felt like a scam. The parts of the device look cheap and it was difficult to get an airtight seal. So I have to try another method.

1. I believe I set a date but ended up attempting before it impulsively. For me setting a date brings calm and if it comes up and I'm not up to it I'll just move it ahead another month. That's basically my system.
2. No
3. No (I was at home)
4. Desperation mainly. Was so fed up on going into constant lockdowns while sinking further and further into my mental illness. I was 110% over it at that point.
5. Didn't necessarily overcome it but got past the fear knowing it was my only way of escape. Took painkillers before and during in hopes to ease things a little.
6. Pure caffeine powder in capsules.
7. Accidentally under the lethal dose (didn't realise until days later) at roughly 8-9000mg instead of over 10,000mg I was aiming for. Not the best choice of method too but it was what I had to hand.
8. Yes, I called an ambulance around 27hrs after injestion once the pain and symptoms became unbearable. Found out on arriving to hospital that there were trace changes on my ecg meaning I probably could've died if I was at home any longer although not in a pleasant manner.

So yeah, here I am today more traumatised and still wanting a way out. Probably won't happen for a while yet though.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

I tried recently and am only here because I stupidly messaged someone when I tried at 1am and so I was found at 7am. I did it at home and stupidly left my back door unlocked (that was not deliberate but was off my face by that point). If I hadn't of messaged and been found when I was, doctors said I would have been successful. I was found blue and unconscious, on a ventilator for 2 days and in ICU for 5. Was then in a mental hospital for 10 days, discharged and home for 4 before I was sectioned and readmitted for 12 days involuntarily.
Whilst in the first hospital I was given a glimmer of hope and am trying to keep holding on to that but everyday is harder and I have a fail proof CTB plan if it all gets too much.

 

[Pure]

I tried recently and am only here because I stupidly messaged someone when I tried at 1am and so I was found at 7am. I did it at home and stupidly left my back door unlocked (that was not deliberate but was off my face by that point). If I hadn't of messaged and been found when I was, doctors said I would have been successful. I was found blue and unconscious, on a ventilator for 2 days and in ICU for 5. Was then in a mental hospital for 10 days, discharged and home for 4 before I was sectioned and readmitted for 12 days involuntarily.
Whilst in the first hospital I was given a glimmer of hope and am trying to keep holding on to that but everyday is harder and I have a fail proof CTB plan if it all gets too much.

If you don't mind sharing, what method did you use?

 

[TheUnkn0wn]

1. How could you set a date?

No date was set, but knew I was going to take off in a matter of days as my lows were getting worse.

2. Did you book a hotel room? No

3. Did you try do die in the forest? Yes

4. How did you overcome your fear of death?

I don't have a fear of death, however I do question what happens after death (what's next). At first your SI kicks in, however as you carry out the plan, I found I became at peace with death.

5. How did you overcome your fear of a painful death (if not peaceful)?

Hanging can be painful, however when at the lowest of lows, pain doesn't matter. At the time I was so low that I was basically numb.

6. Which method did you use? Hanging

7. What did not work with the method? The support failed as it couldnt handle my weight (tree was half dead)

8. Did you end up in hospital?

Was classifed as a missing person that day, was eventually found by police/fire as they had a drone in the air/driving squad cars through the paths. Was arrested under the mental health act and hospitalized for 72 hours.

 

[CoolGuy9]

1. How could you set a date?

No date was set, but knew I was going to take off in a matter of days as my lows were getting worse.

2. Did you book a hotel room? No

3. Did you try do die in the forest? Yes

4. How did you overcome your fear of death?

I don't have a fear of death, however I do question what happens after death (what's next). At first your SI kicks in, however as you carry out the plan, I found I became at peace with death.

5. How did you overcome your fear of a painful death (if not peaceful)?

Hanging can be painful, however when at the lowest of lows, pain doesn't matter. At the time I was so low that I was basically numb.

6. Which method did you use? Hanging

7. What did not work with the method? The support failed as it couldnt handle my weight (tree was half dead)

8. Did you end up in hospital?

Was classifed as a missing person that day, was eventually found by police/fire as they had a drone in the air/driving squad cars through the paths. Was arrested under the mental health act and hospitalized for 72 hours.

Never heard of anyone being classified as a missing person during their ctb attempt. I have to keep that in mind as that may happen to me.

 

[Freelyffe88]

June 2018 I was a fucking mess. Depressed as hell and completely triggered by the suicides of Kate Spade and Avicii. Anthony Bourdain died soon after and all the talk about him was sorta of my breaking point. Some people were cruel as hell.

My roommate was studying abroad, classes just ended for me and I knew this would be the perfect time to do so. I didn't know about this website but had used r/sanctionedsuicide right up until I finally had the courage to make a post and the SAME DAY reddit nuked the subreddit. I swear to God I thought Admin saw my post and said enough. So I'm pacing in my apartment deciding between partial hanging or jumping off a bridge to drown. I do a coin flip. Drowning lmao. I take an uber to downtown at like....11pm and I sit there for like 3 hours doing nothing. I can't really remember much except there were two other people near me. I think they were homeless. Anyways, I'm miserable. Not just mentally but physically. I literally woke up with a fever and sore throat. I decide why not and called my therapist in the middle of the night....wasnt expecting her to pick up but I said at least nobody can say I didn't try. She doesn't answer (to nobody's surprise). So I'm chilling, kind of numb. Watched a party boat go by...wish I could remember the song they played. Anyways I'm on my phone which is almost dying and I get a call from therapist. We chat, I tell her how miserable I am, I drop the fact I'm not in my apartment and I tell her i was planning to jump, she panics and won't hang up even though I told her my voice was hurting. I wouldn't tell her where I was specifically because I knew she'd call the cops. No thank I do not need the trigger happy freaks to kill me when I want to do it myself. I finally agree to go to the hospital bc I thought I could a psychiatrist on demand. I uber there. I go to the ED crying my eyes out. Ended up waiting hours to see a psych. I thought they'd let me go (I guess I was fucking delusional bc spoiler: I didn't see the outside until 10 days later). I'm listening to the people next to me get discharged by a medical assistant and thinking nice I'll be next. I'm hitching a bus back home and offing myself there. The psychiatrist I saw came personally to tell me I'm being incarcerated- sorry I mean I have to choose between voluntarily committing myself or being involuntarily committed. I choose "voluntarily".

More hours pass, two more psych residents come to see me. Did not answer any of their questions and they just looked at each other then left lmaooo (I thought one of them looked just like Hugh Laurie and I almost said that). Anyways I get wheeled to the cells-sorry my room. 10 days later I get out.

Fin.

So not a suicide attempt, but an attempt to an attempt I guess. I just call it a gesture tbh

I'm a little confused by the alleged suicides of 3 famous people being your trigger. Life is difficult enough when taking on our own burdens, let alone the burdens of 3 famous people you never met. Don't get me wrong I'm also guilty of letting the suffering of people/animals who are external to my life sometimes impact me as well, but to allow the deaths of a few celebrities to negatively impact your life is a bit irrational and I don't mean that as an insult, rather something to potentially recognize.

 

[Pure]

I'm a little confused by the alleged suicides of 3 famous people being your trigger. Life is difficult enough when taking on our own burdens, let alone the burdens of 3 famous people you never met.

It's well known that highly publicized suicides of famous people contribute to an increase in suicidal thoughts and acts in the general public (Ie Robin Williams' suicide led to a huge influx of calls to the national suicide hotline; Marilyn Monroe's suicide led to an uptake in copy cats iirc; I heard in Hong Kong, the most common suicide technique there exploded in popularity after it was first reported in the general media). It's why the media has guidelines for how they should report suicides, especially those of famous people.

For me personally, they weren't the trigger or the cause, I had already been spiraling that particular school year after years of major depression. It was more of the idea of suicide becoming more and more of a viable choice due to seeing it happen to such famous people. It was the environment I was in. Specifically, I remember being with someone at brunch shortly after Bourdain passed and they said something I found very very insensitive about the whole thing which I think was the final nail for me as it was very upsetting to imagine what people (normies) thought about suicidal people.

Edit: I just realized I said triggered in my original post. My bad, I was typing through a stream of consciousness. To clarify, I was "triggered" in the sense that I was already super depressed and suicidal and then those deaths came up and filled up my feed and people brought them up irl enough that I couldn't take it any more.

 

[livinginthepast]

I tried swallowing pills but spit them out and then had the police called on me

 

[Lost Magic]

I haven't made a real serious attempt yet but I have thought about suicide for a large part of my life. 38 now. I hope when I make my attempt it is a success and not a failure.

 

[İnilerim]

1. How could you set a date?
I didn't; I made all preparations necessary and then waited for the day where I spontaneously felt read. Didn't have to book a room so that helped.

3. Did you try do die in the forest?
Yep. Won't stink up the apartment with my corpse, and will get found a lot faster. + police cars won't arrive at my complex, so less likely that outsiders will know about it.

4. How did you overcome your fear of death?
Didn't have any.

6. Which method did you use?
Partial hanging.

7. What did not work with the method?
For some reason, I could only get the carotid to be cut off without other pain while leaning forward (not backward as I intended). This led to involuntary "spasms" to reposition my feet on the ground and remove the pressure every time I got anywhere close to drifting away. After a few attempts and finding myself in a cold forest with no idea where I was or why I was there (due to oxygen deprivation), I gave up in frustration.

8. Did you end up in hospital?
No, went home.