Help Please help desperate don’t know what to do about suicide pact, need you guys input 🙏

[hopeless08]

I have made a suicide pact with a family member but I'm now feeling guilty. They say they want to go as much as I do but I'm worried that they will be scared that they would want to back out for several reasons of which I share.
And I know that if I died this person would not be able to live with the pain of losing me for even one second, so what if it is successful for me and not them. Also this person has a lot of medical issues besides mental, so I would have to be the one to administer the method to them, like assisted suicide and now I don't know if I would be able to do that, I'd feel like I'm pressuring them, killing them and also I would be terrified of the emotional pain of seeing them dead even though I would go right after.
Now I actually regret telling them about it and would rather do it on my own but there's two issues, one, that I don't want them to go through the pain of loosing me for I am they're life, I'm everything to them. The pain would be unbearable to them if they lost me and vice versa another issue is that they now know I'm going to get the method and plan on doing it. Everyday they ask me, you're not going to do it and leave me behind right, you wouldn't do that to me right?
Now that's all they think about, they are terrified and panicked. I feel that I put pressure on them and caused them to constantly worry. I feel horrible about that and I really regret telling them/making the pact. I'm so consumed by guilt. I don't know what to do, I'm really worried and confused as to how I'm going to go about this. I have no clue where to go from here.
If anyone has any advice I would truly appreciate it. Sorry for the rant.

 

[moron]

That's quite a heavy burden you have to bear. Since you are desperate and seeking input, I can offer you mine which is that suicide pacts strike me as lunacy and a surefire way to either mess up your own attempt or end up in a world of trouble.

There are so many possible outcomes with a suicide pact, and only one of them is the desired result where all parties involved succeed at CTB and leave their problems behind.

Think of all the ways it could go wrong, even if both of you are fully committed. Say one of you makes it, the other one is sure to be left here on earth miserable and possibly in jail for assisting suicide which is a crime in many countries from what i understand.

Also in a partner situation I imagine you'd have to overcome not only your own survival instinct, but also that of other people whose SI and whose anxiety you cant fully know. If the other people in your pact had misgivings about your attempt they might mess it up for everyone against your wishes.

This is just my opinion on the inadvisability of a suicide pact. I hope your loved one understands suicide is a personal decision and would not hold it against you if that's what you choose to do, and you can come to feel the same way about them.

Perhaps you could continue to plan the act, procure materials for each other, etc, and then leave it up to your own selves to actually catch the bus on your own terms as individuals? That way maybe there would be less hard feelings or sadness between the two of you?

Anyway, best of luck, and I hope this message finds you well enough

 

[UKscotty]

Pacts are always a bad idea in my view after talking to a few people over the years.

It's hard enough to overcome out own SI without worrying if someone else will back out.

Plus if the other person does CTB then you decide to give life another go, you are looking at a manslaughter charge. Not a good idea.

 

[wait.what]

I have to agree on the inadvisability of pacts, particularly if you will be required to deliberately cause the death of the other person. Even if your family member leaves some kind of message intended to absolve you by saying they wanted this, that will just be treated as evidence that you did indeed kill them. If you can't fight down the SI or your attempt to ctb is unsuccessful, you're screwed. You'll want to punch your ticket so much more in prison, and it'll be so much harder to accomplish.