Planning ctb again

[Rue89]

Ever since I chickened out of ctb I've felt a lot of regret and longing. Ctb is all I can think about. So I'm planning again, and this time I'm writing checklists of every little thing I need to remember to do before I ctb and all the items that I need for ctb. I'm particularly thinking about the items not already in my room, but I listed everything. I'm also writing a rough timeline for the day.

This may seem extreme to some of you, but for me with my high anxiety it's a relief to have everything planned down to the smallest details. It'll also help me remember everything in the moment when my anxiety is higher, so I won't forget stuff like I did last time. I'm feeling a lot more confident about it now, and I hope that I continue to feel this way.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

No one is an expert their first time. I think most of us here had a failed attempt.

I find it therapeutic to practice tying knots over and over again. I can do it with my eyes closed now. Maybe someday I will attempt it again. When the day comes I hope I am ready.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Not extreme at all. First of all, the more attention to detail in anything you do, the more likely the results will be the ones you desire. Secondly, as you stated, it reduces your anxiety towards said goal and therefore it is anything but extreme. As a matter of fact its quite rational and wise considering the circumstances surrounding your decision. You just take care of you. You deserve that.

 

[WornOutLife]

Just try not to do anything in a rush. Death is patiently waiting for us.
Whatever happens, I wish you lots of love and peace.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Rue89]

I decided to get my 1/4c measuring cup, stirring spoon, and tablespoon (which I may or may not use; I have a scale) early, since I'm planning to go soon enough. I doubt my family will miss them. It feels good to have more of my supplies ready.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is hard to die and it requires a lot of courage. I think that is a good idea the planning that you are doing as the calmer you are the more chance there is of reaching the outcome you want. I wish you the best.