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CatabolicSeed

CatabolicSeed

they/them
Feb 19, 2020
263
Every time I start to worry about something (I have an anxiety disorder so that's pretty often) I just think "well I'll be dead in 4 months so who cares" and it's so freeing. I keep a lot of organized lists of random meaningless shit because of my OCD and I worry a lot that I'm missing something or the list isn't accurate and needs to be reorganized, now I think "well this list won't be relevant until the end of the year and I won't be alive then so who cares" or something. I start thinking about something embarrassing I did a while ago? I'll be dead in 4 months so who cares. It's so nice.
 
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W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,163
Well, I gotta admit picking a date made me feel calmer too! (I'm supposed to die on Jan, 21st but I probably won't anyway)
The thing is, nothing else will matter anymore once we're gone.
How crazy? huh?
 
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L

life-eternal

Student
Nov 11, 2020
115
Do you have an exact date and know the method already? My time is coming up, and while i do get SI i have been taking the correct steps towards ending myself. I get what you mean though, it does feel free. For so many nights in the last few years i haven't been able to sleep properly, because i remember cringey things i have done and get very embarassed and feel terrible guilt. But now i don't get that anymore. It's been shifting a little bit and get thoughts like "Huh i won't be seeing that again anymore" like today when it snowed. It's gonna be a really weird week haha
 
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CatabolicSeed

CatabolicSeed

they/them
Feb 19, 2020
263
Do you have an exact date and know the method already? My time is coming up, and while i do get SI i have been taking the correct steps towards ending myself. I get what you mean though, it does feel free. For so many nights in the last few years i haven't been able to sleep properly, because i remember cringey things i have done and get very embarassed and feel terrible guilt. But now i don't get that anymore. It's been shifting a little bit and get thoughts like "Huh i won't be seeing that again anymore" like today when it snowed. It's gonna be a really weird week haha
Yeah I have my method picked out and have obtained it (SN), and I actually don't have an EXACT date but it's gonna be whenever my next semester of school ends (so the date is decided, I just don't know what it is yet bc the schedule isn't out, but it'll be in late May this year). This way if I fail I won't miss school and fall behind (which happened last time), because I'll be on break.
 
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M

makingsure4

Student
Jan 6, 2021
152
I think...ah I won't have to go to a dental cleaning again or the eye dr. and who cares about body image and mostly that I'll be out of this "hell" hole.
 
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K

Keto

Student
Feb 8, 2020
107
That is really true. Picking a date and having the means to CTB, relaxes me totally.
I will CTB next September/October.
 
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NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
Yeah, I know what you mean, knowing your date can definitely offer a sense of catharsis.

Knowing my date was approaching, I was able to deal with & even laugh at some crappy experiences that I've had over the last couple months.
 
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