Discussion People who SH how did you get into it and why do you continue?

[img-phenix]

Hi all, I've been self harming for a while now but I'm curious as to how everyone else got into/continues to do it. for me i got into it out of pure curiosity but I continue because I find the scars rather beautiful, how about you?

 

[fleetingnight]

No specific reason I started, just was depressed and self loathing. I think I've started to enjoy it, though I really wish I didn't, but it's familiar and I'm used to it

 

[Sylveon]

My brain pretty much just told me to hurt myself, so I did it for the first time; I don't even remember or know why. Then I continued it after a few months of staying off for every reason you can find in the book.

 

[msesis]

no other way to deal with the pain. music, video games, youtube, *nothing* worked, it was just too too painful emotionally. too much stress. too much grief. too exhausted. the only thing that can stop the pain is physical pain. because it distracts the brain. it's temporary relief, like drinking and passing out. when you're passed out, there is no pain. when your body is physically hurting, you have adrenaline, you have distraction, and all you can focus on is that.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The started SHing for a very stupid reason, which was that I was stressed out over not being able to find my mom's keys (she threatened me if I didn't find them by the time she got home). In all fairness, I was around 12 or so at the time. Then I kept on doing it as a form of punishment and emotional release. I have stopped engaging in it a few months back though.

 

[pilotviolin]

when i was little i used to hurt myself or destroy things around me when i was angry, though i dont remember the first time i consciously chose to self harm, but i remember knowing people around me online who did and even thinking to myself "even if i am so depressed, i would never cut myself!" anyways fast forward i did, and struggled with it until recently. i dont know whats happened, but i dont get the same feeling from it, it doesnt hurt as much and i dont know. but i still get the urge and have been self harming recently just because its something to do and it feels nice after taking care of the injuries. in the past it had alot to do with emotional regulation and self validation.

 

[Ash]

It's addictive

 

[vesisika]

ofc I had a bunch of background with depression, anxiety and loneliness but in one discord server I met a girl who talked about cutting regularly in a venting channel and it got me curious, I wanted to know could it make me feel better too.

 

[schmerz]

i started SHing at about 8 after i saw someone online do it. i thought i would be able to cbt by cutting myself with scissors which is almost so naive that it's endearing
it obviously didnt work but i noticed that it feels good and calms me down very well. nowadays i just do it out of self-punishment, though i do also like how the wounds look

 

[thinvy]

Had depressed ass friends who SHed, tried it myself when I was desperate for any sort of emotional release when I was too much of a coward to kill myself, now I still do it bc it's a very effective emotional release for me.
idk man I suck at emotions, that's why I'm here.

 

[CosmicPaperCut]

the first time i did it was after i had a fight with my parents and i thought "yeah that'll show them". that was 10 years ago. it spiralled into an addiction as it does and now i know that sh is how i will die, so every time i do it its just practice for when i cut deep enough to kill me

 

[EvisceratedJester]

the first time i did it was after i had a fight with my parents and i thought "yeah that'll show them". that was 10 years ago. it spiralled into an addiction as it does and now i know that sh is how i will die, so every time i do it its just practice for when i cut deep enough to kill me

Your chances of dying via cutting are very low.

 

[Defenestration]

Hi all, I've been self harming for a while now but I'm curious as to how everyone else got into/continues to do it. for me i got into it out of pure curiosity but I continue because I find the scars rather beautiful, how about you?

When i did it i found scars beautiful also

 

[CosmicPaperCut]

Your chances of dying via cutting are very low.

statistically yes. but most ppl who attempt via sh don't have anatomy knowledge or prior experience of severe sh. i have sh'ed to the point of tendon and nerve damage, requiring surgery. n i have dont extensive research on the anatomy of major arteries. i think i can do it

 

[EvisceratedJester]

statistically yes. but most ppl who attempt via sh don't have anatomy knowledge or prior experience of severe sh. i have sh'ed to the point of tendon and nerve damage, requiring surgery. n i have dont extensive research on the anatomy of major arteries. i think i can do it

You don't have extensive research on anatomy but you think you can do it?

 

[SparkleWater]

i had a friend in highschool who i knew who used it to cope and i figured fuck it why not

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I first SH a bit at uni ~10-15 years ago, sort of a copycat/easily influenced scenario where I didn't know what I was getting into when stressed (and found it fascinating in a weird way). Time passed, I massively regretted the obvious standout cut scars. On reflection, since then I never stopped with minor acts like picking non SH scabs and not letting things heal. The past year or so I have ended up starting more non cutting SH as these wounds/scabs/scars are easier to brush aside as 'accidental', especially with an outdoors life. I find it calming and distracting though constantly catch myself starting without realising when my brain is spinning elsewhere. Finding it super hard to ease off but need to try as am at a point where many more wounds and questions will start getting asked and wounds are also struggling to heal easily like they used to. Also super scared what I'd say/how I'd deal with a gp/medical professional if I had to get anything checked out and not wanting them jumping to inaccurate conclusions.

I feel like in the past I have wanted the attention/questions from the wounds/scars but very quickly realised I freeze and don't have words to communicate what I want/feel - nor the understanding. Would end up automatically lying and avoiding no matter how much I wanted to try saying anything inside. So that makes me worse with frustration and rumination so learnt to keep to stuff that could be non intentional and/or very hidden.

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

That moment when you've just made a new cut and it's bleeding down your leg. Your world quiets down and you can just focus on one thing. Your brain knows your body is injured and starts rushing chemicals to make you feel better. I don't remember starting but it's like a high for me and makes life a little easier for a while. The suicide house go away for a bit.

 

[Wishing2di3]

I started SH as a tween after learning about it from a friend who did it. Been doing it for decades ever since. I'm not one of the people who believe SH needs to be cured. No one will ever convince me it's wrong or to stop.

 

[catoid]

Hi all, I've been self harming for a while now but I'm curious as to how everyone else got into/continues to do it. for me i got into it out of pure curiosity but I continue because I find the scars rather beautiful, how about you?

i started bruising and scratching myself when i was around 7-9, id usually scratch myself as a form of grounding before i even knew what grounding was and id use bruising as a way to punish myself

at 10-11 i started cutting because i saw it on tumblr lol (was on the vent and pro ana side of tumblr) and it was spoken about as a means to make you feel better, or as though it was kind of just a thing depressed people do. i was depressed and thought that if it helps other depressed people feel better then i should try it

10 years later i still do it, still mostly due to grounding or punishment. i also like seeing the wounds and scars because it feels like an external way of showing how bad im doing. part of me also wants to do it for attention but at the same time i try very hard to make sure my SH stays hidden and i refuse to talk about it irl