This week has been a really bad mental health week for me. Crying a lot and being triggered by thinking about emotional abuse and past psychotic episodes in the psych ward. When it was going on for about a week and I only had about 2 hours total sleep over several days, I called into work for a mental health day (I get 2 days of FMLA per month approved by my psychiatrist). Today was my day off of work. Finally got some sleep and slept in a little bit. No more crying, thoughts would come up on and off sometimes but it wouldn't last very long and they were no longer racing thoughts just going on and on in circles. Got my shit together by cleaning dishes, doing laundry, and picking stuff up off the floor. (I can tell now when my mental health is slipping because my place being trashed NEVER happens unless I'm spiraling, I'm generally a very clean person.) I asked one of my friends if they wanted to go to the park today to go for a walk and they said no it's too cold outside. I figured whatever I'll just go by myself I don't care if I go alone or with someone. BTW I was outside without a jacket, weather is perfect so idk why they keep making excuses to not do stuff with me. Whatever they are not my only friend and another friend I have who is more reliable about making plans I'll be going to the park with her tomorrow.
But anyways today I ordered take out food and I didn't feel like bringing the food back home to eat in my house. I thought hell it's nice out might as well enjoy it outdoors since I plan on walking in the park anyways. So I go to the park and go to a picnic table to eat my food in peace and quiet and enjoy the nice weather. This is the best I've felt all week so I was feeling pretty good. Then an older couple pass by and I hear the lady say "That's so sad..." then she waves at me and says hi. I wave back and say hello but kinda miffed internally that she'd comment that I was "sad looking". Like what the hell you don't know my life I have friends and this has been my best day so far this week, how dare you cast judgement. Not to mention if you were so concerned about me why didn't you come to my table to ask me if I was ok? But nope they just kept on walking and went to another picnic table clear across the other side of the meadow. I could still hear her talking about me saying bullshit like "oh look he's eating a salad." Thankfully I was almost done eating so after that I left and went on my way to go for a walk but just kind of pissed now, trying to not let it ruin the rest of my day and winding down with a craft project at home right now.
But anyways today I ordered take out food and I didn't feel like bringing the food back home to eat in my house. I thought hell it's nice out might as well enjoy it outdoors since I plan on walking in the park anyways. So I go to the park and go to a picnic table to eat my food in peace and quiet and enjoy the nice weather. This is the best I've felt all week so I was feeling pretty good. Then an older couple pass by and I hear the lady say "That's so sad..." then she waves at me and says hi. I wave back and say hello but kinda miffed internally that she'd comment that I was "sad looking". Like what the hell you don't know my life I have friends and this has been my best day so far this week, how dare you cast judgement. Not to mention if you were so concerned about me why didn't you come to my table to ask me if I was ok? But nope they just kept on walking and went to another picnic table clear across the other side of the meadow. I could still hear her talking about me saying bullshit like "oh look he's eating a salad." Thankfully I was almost done eating so after that I left and went on my way to go for a walk but just kind of pissed now, trying to not let it ruin the rest of my day and winding down with a craft project at home right now.
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