Venting People don’t get it.

[hxppythxught]

I stumbled upon a video today, it talked about how SS is a "cult" and is "unsafe" ect ect.
Pardon my language but i think thats a bunch of bullshit. I felt disgusted by their views of people who use this platform. This is the only platform i feel safe talking about my feelings, the only platform where i can relate to people and where people can relate to me.

I think people like me have a right to CTB, people who have no other options then to do it, i don't think it's right for pro-lifers to try to intervene. Mental heath professionals only "help" because they are payed to do so, if i wasn't a client then they wouldn't give a damn about me, they don't bother to understand people like me, they only do what makes their job easier. And that is sending people like us to a hospital to get further traumatized.

I'm thankful that people on here are willing to support my decision on CTB and are helping me get the resources to do so. People that don't understand and don't suffer like others on this platform shouldn't get a say in what we are and aren't aloud to do/talk about on this platform.

(I'm sorry if this offended anyone, it isn't my intention to do so, i just wanted to rant a bit.)

 

[LocalAngel]

I believe that there are professionals out there who do truly care- and will go above and beyond to show that.
Sadly though, this is very far from the norm.

That video though.. it's kind of been talked to death on here already- but yeah. exclusively pro-life bullshit is too normalized.

 

[hxppythxught]

I believe that there are professionals out there who do truly care- and will go above and beyond to show that.
Sadly though, this is very far from the norm.

That video though.. it's kind of been talked to death on here already- but yeah. exclusively pro-life bullshit is too normalized.

I'm just tired of people not understanding, its my body, my life. I just think i should be able to do what i want without people breathing down my neck telling me to live.

 

[FishGoingInsane]

I'm just tired of people not understanding, its my body, my life. I just think i should be able to do what i want without people breathing down my neck telling me to live.

It is really frustrating and tiring that people can't let others live their lives and make their own decisions. I should have the right to decide when I want to CBT.

When it comes to the argument against the act of CTB, the reasoning that I see/hear a lot is "These people obviously have mental issues, so their thoughts don't actually mean anything."
I find it insulting that some people will usually ignore anyone who has talked about wanting to CBT and simply write it off as that person being broken and needing to be fixed, unless it benefits their argument.

People who want to CBT are just as capable of making decisions as everyone else. I can decide whether or not to seek "help" and I can decide when I want to CBT.

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm wrong or anything)

 

[hxppythxught]

It is really frustrating and tiring that people can't let others live their lives and make their own decisions. I should have the right to decide when I want to CBT.

When it comes to the argument against the act of CTB, the reasoning that I see/hear a lot is "These people obviously have mental issues, so their thoughts don't actually mean anything."
I find it insulting that some people will usually ignore anyone who has talked about wanting to CBT and simply write it off as that person being broken and needing to be fixed, unless it benefits their argument.

People who want to CBT are just as capable of making decisions as everyone else. I can decide whether or not to seek "help" and I can decide when I want to CBT.

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm wrong or anything)

I understand completely, i have thoughts and plans of CTB and i can well aware make my own decisions.

 

[EndlessDream]

I stumbled upon a video today, it talked about how SS is a "cult" and is "unsafe" ect ect.
Pardon my language but i think thats a bunch of bullshit. I felt disgusted by their views of people who use this platform. This is the only platform i feel safe talking about my feelings, the only platform where i can relate to people and where people can relate to me.

I think people like me have a right to CTB, people who have no other options then to do it, i don't think it's right for pro-lifers to try to intervene. Mental heath professionals only "help" because they are payed to do so, if i wasn't a client then they wouldn't give a damn about me, they don't bother to understand people like me, they only do what makes their job easier. And that is sending people like us to a hospital to get further traumatized.

I'm thankful that people on here are willing to support my decision on CTB and are helping me get the resources to do so. People that don't understand and don't suffer like others on this platform shouldn't get a say in what we are and aren't aloud to do/talk about on this platform.

(I'm sorry if this offended anyone, it isn't my intention to do so, i just wanted to rant a bit.)

I found this place from one of the videos. At first I thought I should avoid this site but I cannot stop thinking about death, it gives me bliss

 

[FishGoingInsane]

I found this place from one of the videos. At first I thought I should avoid this site but I cannot stop thinking about death, it gives me bliss

I also found this site due to one of the videos. Death is my only coping mechanism to get through this life at this point.

 

[EndlessDream]

I also found this site due to one of the videos. Death is my only coping mechanism to get through this life at this point.

I hope you find bliss let that be through death or not. I also like listening to depressing music and scraping scissors against my skin to feel something, I'm thinking of getting a very sharp knife to start cutting, maybe I can get enough blood loss to pass out or pass away. Would love to start enjoying pain and dying blissfully in a pool of my blood.

 

[FishGoingInsane]

I hope you find bliss let that be through death or not. I also like listening to depressing music...

I'm really not sure if listening to depressing music is making these feelings stronger or not, but even so I would never give it up.

I'm thinking of getting a very sharp knife to start cutting, maybe I can get enough blood loss to pass out or pass away. Would love to start enjoying pain and dying blissfully in a pool of my blood.

As much as I would love to "enjoy" pain and pass away blissfully in my own blood, the pain of cutting just hurts too much for me to reliably cut. I enjoy the pain that comes after, but I can't stand the pain of actually running the blade across my skin. It could just be me using a dull blade though.

 

[absolomonisgone]

It is really frustrating and tiring that people can't let others live their lives and make their own decisions. I should have the right to decide when I want to CBT.

When it comes to the argument against the act of CTB, the reasoning that I see/hear a lot is "These people obviously have mental issues, so their thoughts don't actually mean anything."
I find it insulting that some people will usually ignore anyone who has talked about wanting to CBT and simply write it off as that person being broken and needing to be fixed, unless it benefits their argument.

People who want to CBT are just as capable of making decisions as everyone else. I can decide whether or not to seek "help" and I can decide when I want to CBT.

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm wrong or anything)

Makes lot sense

 

[EndlessDream]

I'm really not sure if listening to depressing music is making these feelings stronger or not, but even so I would never give it up.


As much as I would love to "enjoy" pain and pass away blissfully in my own blood, the pain of cutting just hurts too much for me to reliably cut. I enjoy the pain that comes after, but I can't stand the pain of actually running the blade across my skin. It could just be me using a dull blade though.

Right now it's just dull scissors but I just wanna see blood drip out. I can keep on letting it drench out in a bath. I don't think that method is super reliable but I feel like I need to punish myself for the person I am and it gives me a rush of dopamine like its justice.

 

[FishGoingInsane]

Right now it's just dull scissors but I just wanna see blood drip out. I can keep on letting it drench out in a bath. I don't think that method is super reliable but I feel like I need to punish myself for the person I am and it gives me a rush of dopamine like its justice.

I made a cut that was fairly deep a few months ago, it was nice to see the blood gush out, even if it only lasted about a minute. I hope I can do something like that again, but it just hurts so much, I really don't know how I made that cut at all.

Recently, I keep telling myself that I'm gonna cut because I hate myself, but I always go to sleep first.

 

[EndlessDream]

I made a cut that was fairly deep a few months ago, it was nice to see the blood gush out, even if it only lasted about a minute.

Recently, I keep telling myself that I'm gonna cut because I hate myself, but I always go to sleep first.

I don't really wish others to cut but I don't judge and you have all the right to do it as it's your body. I like to see blood gushing out cause it's like my life force and the more I gush out, the closer I am to a blissful death, i'm looking forward to getting a nice, sexy knife to look at while it's piercing my skin while I jam some music

 

[FishGoingInsane]

I don't really wish others to cut but I don't judge and you have all the right to do it as it's your body. I like to see blood gushing out cause it's like my life force and the more I gush out, the closer I am to a blissful death, i'm looking forward to getting a nice, sexy knife to look at while it's piercing my skin while I jam some music

I don't think It's that dangerous because it's just on my thigh so I don't scare people.

I don't really care about what blade I'm using, as long as I can see the blood on the blade itself after.

Calling blood your life force is pretty cool, because it's literally true.

I wonder if the music I pick decides whether I can make deep cuts or not.

 

[mafuyu]

Mental heath professionals only "help" because they are payed to do so, if i wasn't a client then they wouldn't give a damn about me, they don't bother to understand people like me, they only do what makes their job easier. And that is sending people like us to a hospital to get further traumatized.

Yep because you're exactly right.

I believe that there are professionals out there who do truly care- and will go above and beyond to show that.

This is also correct. Except, if I was going to CTB and I told my therapist (lovely, lovely lady) that I didn't have money for a session, and this one session was the only thing that could keep me alive— she wouldn't do it. :)

It could just be me using a dull blade though.

Probably.

Recently, I keep telling myself that I'm gonna cut because I hate myself, but I always go to sleep first.

That's good. :)

I don't think It's that dangerous because it's just on my thigh so I don't scare people.

Don't do it on the inner thigh. That is dangerous.

I wonder if the music I pick decides whether I can make deep cuts or not.

I've found it easier when I'm distracted~

Do as I say, not as I do—don't do it, it's a habit that lasts forever…

 

[FishGoingInsane]

Don't do it on the inner thigh. That is dangerous.

I chose the front of the thigh. I will keep that in mind to avoid though, thank you.

Do as I say, not as I do—don't do it, it's a habit that lasts forever…

I kicked it for a few years, but the habit did end up coming back.

I think it's a bit too late to say don't do it because it'll become a habit though. Definitely good advice for other people though.

I don't see myself ever being able to forget about it again because there are permanent scars now that I have to see constantly.

 

[BrailleTogepi]

I found this place from one of the videos. At first I thought I should avoid this site but I cannot stop thinking about death, it gives me bliss

This. Even if I'm not 100% sure how much longer I want to stick around, I was compelled to this site mainly because I really really wanted the option to leave at any time I choose.

This is also correct. Except, if I was going to CTB and I told my therapist (lovely, lovely lady) that I didn't have money for a session, and this one session was the only thing that could keep me alive— she wouldn't do it. :)

Wouldn't she get you into a psych ward or something?

 

[mafuyu]

I chose the front of the thigh. I will keep that in mind to avoid though, thank you.

I kicked it for a few years, but the habit did end up coming back.

I think it's a bit too late to say don't do it because it'll become a habit though. Definitely good advice for other people though.

I don't see myself ever being able to forget about it again because there are permanent scars now that I have to see constantly.

Well damn it! Haha. I wish I'd never started. I was 11 and didn't know what "addiction" really meant… still stuck with it over a fucking decade later.

Same with the scars. It's funny bc I alternate between pity me and don't look at them (the scars). Still waiting for my life to magically fix itself, but I think I have to recognize that literally cannot happen. These wounds (trauma) will never heal.

One day I'll CTB, just don't know when :P Until then, I'm just here I guess.

Wouldn't she get you into a psych ward or something?

Oh most definitely lol. Then I'd go into more debt for the cost of that.

 

[EndlessDream]

I don't think It's that dangerous because it's just on my thigh so I don't scare people.

I don't really care about what blade I'm using, as long as I can see the blood on the blade itself after.

Calling blood your life force is pretty cool, because it's literally true.

I wonder if the music I pick decides whether I can make deep cuts or not.

i sound crazy typing that: quick flicks and slices of the knife seem to make it easier and less painful

Yep because you're exactly right.

This is also correct. Except, if I was going to CTB and I told my therapist (lovely, lovely lady) that I didn't have money for a session, and this one session was the only thing that could keep me alive— she wouldn't do it. :)

Probably.

That's good. :)

Don't do it on the inner thigh. That is dangerous.

I've found it easier when I'm distracted~

Do as I say, not as I do—don't do it, it's a habit that lasts forever…

i'm new to the habit but im so miserable it's entertaining

This. Even if I'm not 100% sure how much longer I want to stick around, I was compelled to this site mainly because I really really wanted the option to leave at any time I choose.

Wouldn't she get you into a psych ward or something?

Dream is having a cyanide capsule or just some cyanide to mix with an acid, which produces a deadly gas, kills in 10-20 seconds. Also inert nitrogen gas seems pretty great, I've gotten high plenty on it. think just need a tank and gas mask.

 

[FishGoingInsane]

quick flicks and slices of the knife seem to make it easier and less painful

I've done this sometimes, but for me, quick flicks don't really go deep, just a bunch of little red lines. I'm a baby when it comes to pain though, or at least pain from the actual cutting part.

I was 11 and didn't know what "addiction" really meant… still stuck with it over a fucking decade later.

Yeah, I think I was around 13 when I first started, that was when I got my deepest scars on my wrist and got called out for being an attention seeker :)

 

[BrailleTogepi]

Oh most definitely lol. Then I'd go into more debt for the cost of that.

We love our healthcare system, lmao

 

[FuneralCry]

It's best to just take no notice of those pro lifers, any stupid pro life video is clearly not worth watching, those types of people are disgusting for wishing to prolong the torment of others. Anything that pro lifers say isn't going to change the fact that existing isn't an obligation. I think that people label anything associated with respecting the decision to die as being a "cult", as they don't wish to accept the fact that for many people death is simply the preferable option, and that existence isn't worth enduring for them.

 

[ghostpersonthing]

So many of those people prefer not to consider the situations we're in because they'd rather feel good about themselves rather than see us as equals with the right to make our own choices

 

[FishGoingInsane]

It's best to just take no notice of those pro lifers, any stupid pro life video is clearly not worth watching, those types of people are disgusting for wishing to prolong the torment of others. Anything that pro lifers say isn't going to change the fact that existing isn't an obligation. I think that people label anything associated with respecting the decision to die as being a "cult", as they don't wish to accept the fact that for many people death is simply the preferable option, and that existence isn't worth enduring for them.

I really tried to get through the video that led me to this site in the first place, but I just couldn't. I realized so quickly that it wasn't even going to try to understand the other side in the slightest. It was so frustrating, I couldn't stand it.

 

[northgirl123]

I think the people who have negative opinions of SS have never been in our position and have never felt how we have felt. I think it's amazing to have a place where I can come and tell the truth about how I really feel without shame, guilt and judgement. It's so important to me to have this space. Those against it just do not understand.

 

[EndlessDream]

It's best to just take no notice of those pro lifers, any stupid pro life video is clearly not worth watching, those types of people are disgusting for wishing to prolong the torment of others. Anything that pro lifers say isn't going to change the fact that existing isn't an obligation. I think that people label anything associated with respecting the decision to die as being a "cult", as they don't wish to accept the fact that for many people death is simply the preferable option, and that existence isn't worth enduring for them.

Prolifers were lucky to be born into an environment that didn't make them feel that way. Let that genetic or environmental, prolifers have no clue of the extended torment life brings. My torment includes not being able to open up to therapists because of the nature of what I did in the past, where I would be locked up and forced live longer in horrible conditions, also with the risk of hurting others in the future. If anything, people probably will get a rise out of me serving time and think it is justice compared to if I just ended it.

I'd rather be able to stop the pain completely, and do everyone a favour and minimise the risk I will cause. I am unable to keep thoughts and actions to myself, it's just how I am and seeking help will only make my situation worse and I'll be further ostracized and ridiculed by society.

Most prolifers will never understand my situation.

 

[mafuyu]

I've done this sometimes, but for me, quick flicks don't really go deep, just a bunch of little red lines. I'm a baby when it comes to pain though, or at least pain from the actual cutting part.

Yeah, I think I was around 13 when I first started, that was when I got my deepest scars on my wrist and got called out for being an attention seeker :)

Actually same lmao, I remember my dad telling me I needed to go deeper, great parenting lol

 

[RopeMaxxed]

They never fucking will. This is the way life is.
If a majority of people love and like life, then there must exist polar opposites who hate/detest or just do not like life in general

Saying that life is beautiful and precious for everyone is emotional, impulsive and irrational.

 

[FishGoingInsane]

Actually same lmao, I remember my dad telling me I needed to go deeper, great parenting lol.

Same, I think? My dad literally told me that I should have cut vertically if I wasn't just seeking attention. What a great memory lol

 

[mafuyu]

Same, I think? My dad literally told me that I should have cut vertically if I wasn't just seeking attention. What a great memory lol

Are our dads in a "being the worst father" competition?! LMAO bc literally