PNKPNDA
Member
- Mar 8, 2020
- 70
Lol I don't even kno where to begin on this
I just kinda need to see if anyone has similar experiences or what
So as lame as this sounds I had my first bf at 15/16 and I was OBSESSED with the kid- my first love, first shag u name it that was him and for like a year and a bit he was my everything naturally we broke up well he dumped me lol but anyways my point is now I'm 22 and have had bfs and am currently with someone for the past 3 yrs but I'm STILL thinking about this first person??? My dreams are tainted with him, I sometimes look at his socials and even messaged him a couple of times when drunk????
what I'm trying to say is I just don't understand why he's always there it was sooo long ago but I feel this deep pain and sadness and rejection within myself and my current relationship is stable but never ever going to be as powerful as my teenage one
I just feel like a right tit bcos yes the first love makes an impression but this is ridiculous now I feel guilty and it's like sometimes I'm reliving it???
My diary from that time honestly shows how broken I became after that break up and I really do feel like that rejection has fucked me permanently??? I really just hate myself for still having these feelings and thoughts especially as I am in a bloody long term relationship now
Can anyone maybe relate to this or maybe just shed some light on why this is still bothering me almost 6yrs later ???
I am pathetic I know . Thanks x
I just kinda need to see if anyone has similar experiences or what
So as lame as this sounds I had my first bf at 15/16 and I was OBSESSED with the kid- my first love, first shag u name it that was him and for like a year and a bit he was my everything naturally we broke up well he dumped me lol but anyways my point is now I'm 22 and have had bfs and am currently with someone for the past 3 yrs but I'm STILL thinking about this first person??? My dreams are tainted with him, I sometimes look at his socials and even messaged him a couple of times when drunk????
what I'm trying to say is I just don't understand why he's always there it was sooo long ago but I feel this deep pain and sadness and rejection within myself and my current relationship is stable but never ever going to be as powerful as my teenage one
I just feel like a right tit bcos yes the first love makes an impression but this is ridiculous now I feel guilty and it's like sometimes I'm reliving it???
My diary from that time honestly shows how broken I became after that break up and I really do feel like that rejection has fucked me permanently??? I really just hate myself for still having these feelings and thoughts especially as I am in a bloody long term relationship now
Can anyone maybe relate to this or maybe just shed some light on why this is still bothering me almost 6yrs later ???
I am pathetic I know . Thanks x