Passed and inactive members.

[RainAndSadness]

It's almost Christmas and we're very close to a new year. I've been active for around 1.5 years in this forum and I just recently checked my messages, browsing through all the pms I ever exchanged with people, just out of curiosity. I noticed something very interesting. I have messages from around ~180 different people in my inbox and 33 of those people that ever messaged me since my registration back in June 2018 are banned. I'm not sure how many of these members self-banned due to exit reasons but a lot of them have a goodbye thread. It's kinda sad. And there are probably many members that didn't use this feature when they left, sometimes even without any kind of goodbye, so there are probably even more members in my inbox that aren't banned and passed away. I'm not sure how many of them did but I'd guess it's probably at least a third of all the people I've ever talked to, considering most of the people I talked to had a very final mindset and were seriously struggling. People sometimes wonder, how many of us really ctb. And I think this gives us some insight to the question.
Some of these people were extremely active in the forum for a long time and suddenly stopped being active, others only browsed the forum for weeks or months. Sometimes I wonder how they're doing right now and if they're still alive. How many of them are still among us and if so, what are they up to? Are they still struggling or did some of them even recover completely? Especially people that messaged me back in 2018 and early 2019, some of them never came back to the forum without any goodbye or explanation for their disappearance. It really me think. They all had very interesting stories, very different backgrounds and reasons why they were a member in this forum. I don't know if I'm the only one thinking about this.

Well, I hope that the people that left this forum behind, if they're still alive, are on the path to recovery. They deserve it and I hope they can live their dreams. I also hope that the people that passed away had a peaceful and smooth exit according to their plans. And I wish that all the remaining people who have plans in any direction, especially for the next year, will find peace too - in one way or another.

 

[TowerUpright]

It would be nice to have a wall of rememberence. I would imagine that it could cause some legal issues.

 

[Squiddy]

May the members who have passed r.i.p. and the inactive ones have a quick and speedy recovery

 

[Alec]

I'm still here, still fucked. And just a few days ago I've been thinking the same thing and I remembered you, and hoped you were ok.

 

[Sensei]

Beautiful post, RainAndSadness. What's most beautiful is that you have been active here for 1.5 years and you're still alive. That's hope.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I still remember one of your posts about suicide not needing to be justified that I've bookmarked it. :)
I hope you find your peace in time too, where ever that might be ❤

 

[TAW122]

This is a good tribute and yes, I too wondered what happened to some of the prominent members from back in 2018. I joined a few months after you joined @RainAndSadness and I had quite a few interactions with some people from in the earlier times but sadly they are gone too. I would think that those who disappeared without warning may have just found recovery, if not, then at least had a peaceful passing. I guess I will never know for sure, but it's easier and more comfortable to assume that they are no longer suffering (CTB'd) or found some sort of recovery and are living a better life than they once were.

 

[Circles]

Like you I've been thinking about my time here over the past year and wondered the same. It's crazy like for somebody like me who's never had friends let alone people who understood me and if I lost over 30+ friends in real life to suicide and even talked to some before they caught the bus it would be even more absolutely fucking devastating to me and that makes me feel even more worse knowing i couldn't help them one bit or that I didn't grieve for them hard enough. I hate not knowing what happened to them or even thinking of the what if's. Caring about people I've never met is just so damn hard especially without a name or a face to go with them I can only mentally sustain caring about people online ever so much, but they listened to me when I was in my darkest moments and I want to remember them for it somehow even though I'm sure some of them wanted to be forgotten like I do as well. Now I'm speechless, just damn as always.

 

[Moonicide]

I always find myself wondering about those that don't have their names crossed, but aren't active. Hell, sometimes I'll go and reread the posts of the ones that have ctbed... I start thinking what is it like on the other side. But I'll make sure that no one ever has to worry about that with me. I intend on saying my goodbye when my time comes.

 

[RainAndSadness]

You did, indeed.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It is indeed very strange surviving on a site like this. We've lost people and noticed people missing. No way of knowing what happened to some. Its always a shock to see a crossed out name with or without a goodbye thread. What a long strange trip its been.

 

[Daffodil]

The sheer number of people with last posts is shocking to me. There's 1-3+ users ctbing per day. I never thought I would talk with someone, much less multiple people, as they go.

 

[AlreadyGone]

The sheer number of people with last posts is shocking to me. There's 1-3+ users ctbing per day. I never thought I would talk with someone, much less multiple people, as they go.

I have lurked the forum for a bit prior to creating an account. It appears that many users decided to wait until after the holidays to ctb and are now leaving in droves. It is shocking to see the number of people leaving daily.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

There are so many people here that are anticipating the day that they're able to let go of this world and seeing them documented in real time makes it so sad, heartbreaking and shocking.
The ones that wait until the holidays are over and the amount of people doing it all at once..and trying to keep up with them as well as own suffering and pain..

 

[Endeavour]

I have lurked the forum for a bit prior to creating an account. It appears that many users decided to wait until after the holidays to ctb and are now leaving in droves. It is shocking to see the number of people leaving daily.

I expect we'll see the same thing again this Jan? Although it is very quiet on here already at the moment.

 

[OrphicEnd]

It would be nice to have a wall of rememberence. I would imagine that it could cause some legal issues.

We could take inspiration from these links https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/website-with-memorials.8141/, a megathread with links of every goodbye threads with a little message could be a good idea since it's all named "goodbye" it becomes impossible to get all the results from the search bar