Pain and suicide

[wastph6286]

I have chronic pain that has worsened. No need to go into detail there. If I didn't have physical pain, I would not want to CTB. I'm grateful for what I have minus the pain. I hate to do this to my family. My mom will be devastated. How do you decide between living in pain just for others versus CTB and leaving family grieving?

 

[SamTam33]

I always ask myself how does my being alive (and in pain) benefit anyone.

At least me being dead poses a clear benefit to me.

Living in pain benefits no one.

Does your family count on you for anything? Are there certain things about you that enrich their lives and they would be deprived of when you're gone?

I had to do some soul searching and ask myself that question a few years back, and the honest answer was no.

My family's life will not change one iota regardless if I'm alive or dead.

I don't take into consideration their possible sadness because my current sadness offsets their future sadness.

It's not a matter of who's going to be the most sad. For me it's about what's going to change. What's the impact going to be. How is my death going to impede them in moving forward.

It won't.

I come to that conclusion because my existence doesn't impact how they move about the world. There's no logical reason to believe my death would either.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all, only you know what is best for yourself. I could never stay alive only for the sake of others personally and it would be unfair for others to guilt trip and try to force us to endure a life that we never asked for against our wishes. I believe that suicide is a personal decision and we all have our right to exit at a time of our own choosing. Grief and loss are an inevitable consequence of choosing to bring life into this world, eventually we will all die and lose everything someday.

 

[jodes2]

It's the most difficult choice. Maybe it's just a case of weighing your suffering Vs their grief. Which will be greater? And is it acceptable to you? I'm holding back with CTB because I just can't hurt my gf like that, I'm really the only close person she has which really raises the bar for me, I can't CTB for a long time probably, to be fair to her

 

[wastph6286]

I always ask myself how does my being alive (and in pain) benefit anyone.

At least me being dead poses a clear benefit to me.

Living in pain benefits no one.

Does your family count on you for anything? Are there certain things about you that enrich their lives and they would be deprived of when you're gone?

I had to do some soul searching and ask myself that question a few years back, and the honest answer was no.

My family's life will not change one iota regardless if I'm alive or dead.

I don't take into consideration their possible sadness because my current sadness offsets their future sadness.

It's not a matter of who's going to be the most sad. For me it's about what's going to change. What's the impact going to be. How is my death going to impede them in moving forward.

It won't.

I come to that conclusion because my existence doesn't impact how they move about the world. There's no logical reason to believe my death would either.

You make excellent points. I think the grieving would affect my Mom tremendously, which would affect her life. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I'd have any reservations. But again, as you said "living in pain benefits no one".

 

[Pluto]

I'm increasingly finding that my reason for CTB is physical. A good functional body is essential for reasonable quality of life. I'm lucky that nobody would miss me, in fact the family would likely derive pleasure from seeing me gone.

In your case, I'd suggest ensuring you leave no stone unturned in seeking solutions before you make a final decision. Can you access medical marijuana?

 

[Life interrupted]

I'm in a similar situation. I'm torn between two painful decisions...

 

[wastph6286]

I'm increasingly finding that my reason for CTB is physical. A good functional body is essential for reasonable quality of life. I'm lucky that nobody would miss me, in fact the family would likely derive pleasure from seeing me gone.

In your case, I'd suggest ensuring you leave no stone unturned in seeking solutions before you make a final decision. Can you access medical marijuana?

That is where I currently am. Trying to exhaust all solutions. I can access it. I haven't given my job and potential testing.

 

[BrainBloodClots]

I'm in the same boat...wonderful like, great family, but a medical condition that causes tremendous pain and is getting worse. I Don't want to CTB but just can't bare this pain for one more minute. Everyone wants you to keep hanging on because "it's going to get better", yet it's not. And they don't have to bare the daily physical pain that you do. I also see what taking care of me is doing to my family. CTB seems like the only human thing to do.