Help Overcoming SI for Lethal Fall

[apistatcommander]

I live in a sixth-floor apartment. There's this window by my bed that I could fit through. It has a small safety railing, but I'm pretty confident that I could easily get over it. However, no matter what I do, I can't overcome my SI. I can open the window and climb up, but it feels like I physically can't go any further. Being drunk usually lowers my SI, but I can't even do it when I'm drunk. It just feels so much more real than everything else I've tried.

It's not that hard to take a bunch of pills or go through the steps of SWB (but the times I tried SWB just led to me waking up before I could properly drown, or failing to lose consciousness at all and just lying in the water like a loser). Jumping out of a window just feels so overtly deadly. I've heard benzos can help, but I'd have to go back to a psychiatrist and get them prescribed. I'd like to avoid seeing more psychiatrists due to past experiences, and there isn't a guarantee that they'll help enough with my SI. My country also has a super strict drug policy, so I don't think I'd be able to get anything like that through other means.

Does this mean I'm not ready to die? I usually feel so ready, and I've felt ready for a while, but I'm still so scared. It's so pathetic. I'm tired of humiliating myself every day and I'm tired of being so cowardly.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I live in a sixth-floor apartment. There's this window by my bed that I could fit through. It has a small safety railing, but I'm pretty confident that I could easily get over it. However, no matter what I do, I can't overcome my SI. I can open the window and climb up, but it feels like I physically can't go any further. Being drunk usually lowers my SI, but I can't even do it when I'm drunk. It just feels so much more real than everything else I've tried.

It's not that hard to take a bunch of pills or go through the steps of SWB (but the times I tried SWB just led to me waking up before I could properly drown, or failing to lose consciousness at all and just lying in the water like a loser). Jumping out of a window just feels so overtly deadly. I've heard benzos can help, but I'd have to go back to a psychiatrist and get them prescribed. I'd like to avoid seeing more psychiatrists due to past experiences, and there isn't a guarantee that they'll help enough with my SI. My country also has a super strict drug policy, so I don't think I'd be able to get anything like that through other means.

Does this mean I'm not ready to die? I usually feel so ready, and I've felt ready for a while, but I'm still so scared. It's so pathetic. I'm tired of humiliating myself every day and I'm tired of being so cowardly.

Pretty damn risky at only six stories. That could do it, or it could not. Jumping is highly variable. I wouldn't trust that to be anywhere near high enough, personally.

 

[apistatcommander]

Pretty damn risky at only six stories. That could do it, or it could not. Jumping is highly variable. I wouldn't trust that to be anywhere near high enough, personally.

You're probably right. I'm trying to see if I can get to a higher floor

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I live in a sixth-floor apartment. There's this window by my bed that I could fit through. It has a small safety railing, but I'm pretty confident that I could easily get over it. However, no matter what I do, I can't overcome my SI. I can open the window and climb up, but it feels like I physically can't go any further. Being drunk usually lowers my SI, but I can't even do it when I'm drunk. It just feels so much more real than everything else I've tried.

It's not that hard to take a bunch of pills or go through the steps of SWB (but the times I tried SWB just led to me waking up before I could properly drown, or failing to lose consciousness at all and just lying in the water like a loser). Jumping out of a window just feels so overtly deadly. I've heard benzos can help, but I'd have to go back to a psychiatrist and get them prescribed. I'd like to avoid seeing more psychiatrists due to past experiences, and there isn't a guarantee that they'll help enough with my SI. My country also has a super strict drug policy, so I don't think I'd be able to get anything like that through other means.

Does this mean I'm not ready to die? I usually feel so ready, and I've felt ready for a while, but I'm still so scared. It's so pathetic. I'm tired of humiliating myself every day and I'm tired of being so cowardly.

For info purposes only, I've treated patients who have survived 7 storey falls. I urge you to reconsider.

 

[VegasLyra]

You won't be able to overcome it. Once your brain actually comes to terms with the fact that you're gonna die, your amygdala (the part of the brain that's responsible for fight or flight and anxiety) immediately flares up and makes you back down.

That said, depressants help inhibit the amygdala. Alcohol is the most easily accessible one, but benzos and opiods are even better.