Venting ordering my poison today - I wish that I could just tell people and they'd be happy for me...

[LittleJem]

Waking up crying every day, have managed to leave my room and go out and walking round the street crying.
Now hiding in the corner of a cafe feeling so shakey and this is on my
very best pills. these pills that I thought would give me one good day to get things done
Get things done like: cancel subscriptions, order my poison

My dad calls. He doesn't want to hear how I really am. Okay. I'm fine.
I understand he doesn't want to hear it.
What am I meant to say. Everything I want to say is
I want this over. Over.
and I'm ordering my poison today.

And I wish I could tell people and they would be happy for me
As this is a relief you see.

Plus saw such a shit psychiatrist yesterday
He took a phone call at the beginning of my session
Said to the caller he'd be five minutes
Five minutes when he'd never met me
Five minutes when I am so worried
Five minutes in which he gave wrong information
Didn't know my current medication
Told me I should have brought my prescription to the meeting
Even though he was sat on his computer that should have had my medical records
Wrongly diagnosed me - as if he is treating me for cannabis psychosis
When I am not on cannabis all I have is suicidal thoughts
Didn't listen
then took a second phone call

Anyway I hope this is legit, will be testing it. At least it's not too pricey.

 

[lebrodude]

SN?

 

[nonialabaster]

Waking up crying every day, have managed to leave my room and go out and walking round the street crying.
Now hiding in the corner of a cafe feeling so shakey and this is on my
very best pills. these pills that I thought would give me one good day to get things done
Get things done like: cancel subscriptions, order my poison

My dad calls. He doesn't want to hear how I really am. Okay. I'm fine.
I understand he doesn't want to hear it.
What am I meant to say. Everything I want to say is
I want this over. Over.
and I'm ordering my poison today.

And I wish I could tell people and they would be happy for me
As this is a relief you see.

Plus saw such a shit psychiatrist yesterday
He took a phone call at the beginning of my session
Said to the caller he'd be five minutes
Five minutes when he'd never met me
Five minutes when I am so worried
Five minutes in which he gave wrong information
Didn't know my current medication
Told me I should have brought my prescription to the meeting
Even though he was sat on his computer that should have had my medical records
Wrongly diagnosed me - as if he is treating me for cannabis psychosis
When I am not on cannabis all I have is suicidal thoughts
Didn't listen
then took a second phone call

Anyway I hope this is legit, will be testing it. At least it's not too pricey.

I'll be here, most of the day, if you want to talk. I'm sorry, honey.

 

[exploitedbacteria]

Psychology is a very broken profession. Sorry you had to experience that.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very unfortunate how we exist in a world where so many people are against the right to die but I guess that is just the reality. I understand why you would feel relieved at the thought of being able to have a way to exit, but anyway best wishes.

 

[TheSadStranger]

Waking up crying every day, have managed to leave my room and go out and walking round the street crying.
Now hiding in the corner of a cafe feeling so shakey and this is on my
very best pills. these pills that I thought would give me one good day to get things done
Get things done like: cancel subscriptions, order my poison

My dad calls. He doesn't want to hear how I really am. Okay. I'm fine.
I understand he doesn't want to hear it.
What am I meant to say. Everything I want to say is
I want this over. Over.
and I'm ordering my poison today.

And I wish I could tell people and they would be happy for me
As this is a relief you see.

Plus saw such a shit psychiatrist yesterday
He took a phone call at the beginning of my session
Said to the caller he'd be five minutes
Five minutes when he'd never met me
Five minutes when I am so worried
Five minutes in which he gave wrong information
Didn't know my current medication
Told me I should have brought my prescription to the meeting
Even though he was sat on his computer that should have had my medical records
Wrongly diagnosed me - as if he is treating me for cannabis psychosis
When I am not on cannabis all I have is suicidal thoughts
Didn't listen
then took a second phone call

Anyway I hope this is legit, will be testing it. At least it's not too pricey.

I fucking hate medical malpractice and the scumbags like your psychiatrist. It breaks my heart seeing people like you who just need help get turned away or mistreated. I'm here for you and for anyone else who need me here. If you need to talk I'll be here.

 

[heartbroken12]

Fuck CMHT and their "psychiatrists". They should never be trusted with the care of critically vulnerable people. There is no consistency, no real help, it's all just a very dangerous guise. But they're not held to account for their failings because a) it's the NHS! b) mentally ill people end up feeling so tired and gaslit after years of this kind of treatment, and their condition worsens to state where they can't speak out. Or they die. It's so awful.

I'm sorry you gave them your time and energy and faith to come away feeling worse. It's not your fault.