I wasn't so suicidal a month ago,
I don't know what happened but God, I just wanna and wanted to die.
I had dreams, plans. I wanted to start making my own music, krushclub, scenecore - shoegaze - emo rap/trap - metalcore, deathcore.
Mostly wanted to start w/ krushclub & scenecore,
even though I do NOT know how (have FL Studio Producer Edition, Nexus, Serum, Valhalla), and NO, the tutorials on YouTube are shit.
I also dreamed of and wanted to design my own clothes, have my own clothing brand.
Become successful, rich, famous, hot.
I was doing crypto, somewhat successfully.
I'm trans and I've been in therapy for like 5 years for this and finally the HRT should get going soon.
I got my own tattoo gun, I wanted to be fully tattooed.
I had work, I somewhat did not like it but it wasn't the worst, to be honest it was actually good. A social year, 743 bucks a month, for me (re-)doing my high school diploma.
I'm in a relationship, I love him even though he feels like a leech.
I know a girl and God, she's just heaven.
My dad doesn't beat me up anymore, trusts me with money, generally hast some trust in me again, we have a bond, a nice one. After years, decades.
I don't know why.
But I feel so free, and happy.
Knowing it's been shipped and arriving shortly.
I know I can just leave and I had in mind doing it maybe 1-2 weeks after it comes through.
Latest in late December, but I think I'll do it earlier.
And even if not (idk why even, but well, the human mind..), I STILL have it then and KNOW I can be gone forever.
I'll post updates, when it arrives, and when I'm taking it.
Take Care!
Much Love,
J
I don't know what happened but God, I just wanna and wanted to die.
I had dreams, plans. I wanted to start making my own music, krushclub, scenecore - shoegaze - emo rap/trap - metalcore, deathcore.
Mostly wanted to start w/ krushclub & scenecore,
even though I do NOT know how (have FL Studio Producer Edition, Nexus, Serum, Valhalla), and NO, the tutorials on YouTube are shit.
I also dreamed of and wanted to design my own clothes, have my own clothing brand.
Become successful, rich, famous, hot.
I was doing crypto, somewhat successfully.
I'm trans and I've been in therapy for like 5 years for this and finally the HRT should get going soon.
I got my own tattoo gun, I wanted to be fully tattooed.
I had work, I somewhat did not like it but it wasn't the worst, to be honest it was actually good. A social year, 743 bucks a month, for me (re-)doing my high school diploma.
I'm in a relationship, I love him even though he feels like a leech.
I know a girl and God, she's just heaven.
My dad doesn't beat me up anymore, trusts me with money, generally hast some trust in me again, we have a bond, a nice one. After years, decades.
I don't know why.
But I feel so free, and happy.
Knowing it's been shipped and arriving shortly.
I know I can just leave and I had in mind doing it maybe 1-2 weeks after it comes through.
Latest in late December, but I think I'll do it earlier.
And even if not (idk why even, but well, the human mind..), I STILL have it then and KNOW I can be gone forever.
I'll post updates, when it arrives, and when I'm taking it.
Take Care!
Much Love,
J
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