opportunity.

[SadB0iHour]

just going to word vomit because I need to work this out somewhere.

I'm 33. married for 12 years. 3 kids. C-PTSD from C:SA, autism, depression, passively suicidal for as long as i can remember. attempted once when I was 8 years old by taking handfuls of extra strength tylenol. didn't die, obviously. just spent a few days vomiting bile. fast forward to adulthood and I haven't had a break in 12 years save for hospital stays when I popped another baby out.
I booked a hotel room impulsively for next Monday, just because I broke and realized that I needed a single night to myself.
and now I see that it's an opportunity. and I don't know what to do with that.
what would be the easiest way? I don't have access to guns. or any money of my own to secure other means.
I don't want to fuck it up and have things end up worse than they are.
maybe I should just watch anime and take an edible and let it be an actual break. see if I feel any different after.
or maybe I should just commit.
I don't know. I'm just so tired.

 

[Redacted24]

A rushed, ill thought through try is a risk factor for failure to achieve your intended goal and might result in things being worse due to side effects.

To me, the option to just have a quiet night, a nice dinner, relax and watch some hotel movies sounds delightful!

Go do the things you can't... be a person unto yourself.

(And if you want, tell us how it went because I'm wishing I could do the same)

 

[Abyss Dweller]

maybe I should just watch anime and take an edible and let it be an actual break. see if I feel any different after.

This sounds like a lot better option. Do this pls

 

[SadB0iHour]

update: I drank wine and took an edible and watched the Cartoon Network while eating fancy cheese and grapes and didn't die. still want to. but didn't. yay. thanks everyone.

 

[anopenwound]

update: I drank wine and took an edible and watched the Cartoon Network while eating fancy cheese and grapes and didn't die. still want to. but didn't. yay. thanks everyone.

Glad you're still here. I hope that whatever you decide to do in the future you'll find some peace. For everything else, we're here to help. I'm sorry your life has been so tough.