Since you reference God, I will try to share as with a fellow Christian.
One has to be cautious because things that are not real can appear so. For example, a Christian cannot be possessed by the devil.
1Jn 4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.
However, one can come to be convinced that one is;
2Ti 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
2Ti 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
2Ti 2:26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.
It sounds like you have encountered a "snare". It used to be that a person that came to the end of their rope could find a strict environment of discipline in the Army or even in prison. However, both these environments today have more drugs than on the outside.
People on opiates have some of the greatest difficult making permanent changes in their life. This is where the benefit of external discipline could come in handy. One can use external discipline while establishing a routine that can serve a new life. This routine can gain inertia and impart stability to someone wishing to make a new start.
Since it is difficult to find a source of external discipline today, you might consider relying on friends, family, and church family to help encourage your attempts at making a fresh start. The less external discipline available to you, the more likely you will be to have to make repeated attempts. The goal might be making each new start last longer and work better and to work at developing your own internal discipline.
It can help to delve into the bible and draw nearer to God so that you are more able to draw on the fruit of the Spirit that is "self control".
