Yes. I know, at least, that's why suicide is the best option. Cause I'm poor.
I once had money for 1 year (more than I needed for the first and only time in my life), and I got sober for the first time, studied at uni full time, lived in secure housing, with clean sheets, went grocery shopping and learnt how to cook... that was 6 years ago.
Ever since that money ran out, I've been fucked. It was the best year of my life. And it wasn't like I wasn't depressed. I just had options, time and space. Like waking up sad and then not having to do an entire day of unpaid disability care work for someone on an empty stomach with no clue where you will sleep later... it's very different. I did shit like made collages and ordered food and watched things ON A LAPTOP. I also paid for therapy.
And yeah, it's been fucked before that year and fucked afterwards. And it's because I'm poor. And being poor is fucked beyond not having material resources. You are also socially excluded everyday. Watched. Monitored. Judged. Psychiatrised. Very hard not to engage in substances. The pain is enormous. You have such limited choice and agency. Those things are required in Western individualism to survive.
Anyway, yes. Sorry you're in the same boat.
