Venting On the daily.

[Afterglow]

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder nearly 10 years ago at the age of 14, and have had it for longer than that.

It's not a fight anymore. I'm not "battling" anything. It feels more like I've already been taken under by the wave, and I'm just waiting to drown.

People in the world who haven't experienced depression talk about it like it's constant sadness.

It's just absence and emptiness. Absence of interest. Absence of anticipation. Absence of the small flickers that used to make any moment feel better.

I think anhedonia is the more accurate word, even though I'm not necessarily diagnosed with that due to my lack of doctor's visits because of my distrust in people.

Hell, even gambling stopped having any effect on me years ago.

Things that used to register enjoyment or any form of stimulation, just don't anymore.

I don't wake up wanting to disappear. I wake up neutral. And that same neutral tone goes for everything in my life.

I don't know why I'm still here. Not in a dramatic sad spiral way. Just factually. There's no clear answer. No reason.

So I continue for the time being.

I'm not hopeful. But I'm not devastated.

I'm just here.

Waiting to drown.

 

[SASU-KE]

It's just absence and emptiness. Absence of interest. Absence of anticipation. Absence of the small flickers that used to make any moment feel better.

I think anhedonia is the more accurate word, even though I'm not necessarily diagnosed with that due to my lack of doctor's visits because of my distrust in people.

Hell, even gambling stopped having any effect on me years ago.

As I'm sitting here doing literally nothing just because nothing interests me anymore. You summed it up perfectly.

I too am just waiting. Not sure what for. There's just nothing left.

 

[ineedssris]

you have described the feeling so well. i thought it was just me for the longest time. hopefully, you'll be able to move past this point in your life and start to feel better. you are doing great right now!

 

[pestilence]

hello, im not sure how you feel because we ofc have different lives however id love to know more if you want to talk