unnaturalmovement
Member
- Mar 31, 2025
- 24
I've been longing for love all my life without realizing.
A sense of belonging.
Deep recollections of memories.
Part of, moving with.
Desired and taken care of.
Able to give and to receive.
Inserted.
I abandoned the streets and the connections around me to stick into a virtual world for years.
Movies, cartoons, anime and all media has filled my mind with places, ideas and memories that are not mine.
The comfort of watching something where you can see people united, sharing food, loving each other and so forth.
My whole life i've consumed media, but that was never me.
I'm 22 now and struggle for connection hard than ever.
I've not cultivated enough friendships nor had love all my life.
I know i am capable of, but even then, this whole time i also abused a lot of drugs, specially psichedelics.
I have thoughts in my head i cannot describe with words. It's as if i'm in many places but not anywhere.
Nothing feels very real to me and even death doesn't look like the final escape. I have a feeling i'll continue as something else or maybe even come back, but i don't mind if i just cease to be forever in a blank screen without a thing going on.
I set the time limit to day 25 of this month.
I also had surgeries in my life and remember my kid-self saying i wouldnt do any more surgeries.
I did 6 so far and have one more scheduled.
Being poor my whole life played a huge role too. I would fill my belly with candies and a lot of food in any given opportunity, because i didn't knew when i would have a banquet again.
Growing up i stopped that behavior, because now i can afford whatever i want. But money and material possessions didn't fix my head.
I know i can do it. My whole life i've been avoiding it.
People say its a permanent solution for temporary problems, but i've had this as a solution my whole life.
A sense of belonging.
Deep recollections of memories.
Part of, moving with.
Desired and taken care of.
Able to give and to receive.
Inserted.
I abandoned the streets and the connections around me to stick into a virtual world for years.
Movies, cartoons, anime and all media has filled my mind with places, ideas and memories that are not mine.
The comfort of watching something where you can see people united, sharing food, loving each other and so forth.
My whole life i've consumed media, but that was never me.
I'm 22 now and struggle for connection hard than ever.
I've not cultivated enough friendships nor had love all my life.
I know i am capable of, but even then, this whole time i also abused a lot of drugs, specially psichedelics.
I have thoughts in my head i cannot describe with words. It's as if i'm in many places but not anywhere.
Nothing feels very real to me and even death doesn't look like the final escape. I have a feeling i'll continue as something else or maybe even come back, but i don't mind if i just cease to be forever in a blank screen without a thing going on.
I set the time limit to day 25 of this month.
I also had surgeries in my life and remember my kid-self saying i wouldnt do any more surgeries.
I did 6 so far and have one more scheduled.
Being poor my whole life played a huge role too. I would fill my belly with candies and a lot of food in any given opportunity, because i didn't knew when i would have a banquet again.
Growing up i stopped that behavior, because now i can afford whatever i want. But money and material possessions didn't fix my head.
I know i can do it. My whole life i've been avoiding it.
People say its a permanent solution for temporary problems, but i've had this as a solution my whole life.
