old and sick

[1964dodge]

i'm a 62yo male. i'm disabled due to chronic pain, severe copd, diabetes(on insulin and Victoza) depression, anxiety, ptsd, and some smaller shit. I keep trying and keep getting knocked down. trying is actually helping I have less pain in the evening and my copd is getting a little better. it's not a lot but it's something. but suicidal thoughts are always there and sometimes very serious. my question is this if a person is over 50 and knows that physical problems will get worse should we just say fuck it and die or should we keep trying until somebody else has to wipe our ass

 

[Now_And_Then]

I think I can some what imagine the pain you just be going through


I am so sorry you are going through so much physical pain


One bit of advice I will give is never let an one down talk your problems to you . Only you know what YOUR pain feels like . Too many people try to tell other people what their pain is like and then go on to say that you have no excuse

I wish you well

 

[not_a_robot]

Depends how much worse you can stand. No one else can say.

 

[Soul]

I'm the only one who can judge whether or not my life is worth living.

I have severe COPD too, and have the things I need to kill myself on hand for the day when I'm not enjoying things anymore. Knowing I've got options makes things easier to enjoy.

 

[Jolene40]

I agree that only you know what you can tolerate. This crap people spew about keeping on going and things will get better makes me furious. Things aren't getting better for me either. I'm very physically unwell and it only worsens by the week. No one will ever know what it's like if they aren't in your body.

 

[pole]

im sorry you're going through this :(. Hope you feel better and find peace.

 

[TimeToDie]

I'm not as old as you, though I am notably older than the 20-somethings that dominate this forum. Age is an issue for me too. I've declined significantly and I know what can happen with further aging and it's not pretty.

 

[done_so_done]

Only you can say when life is still worth it and when it's too much.
However, working in a nursing home and doing exactly that, wiping other people's asses for a living...imho it's not worth it. I felt really bad about our residents, being kept alive for no good reason. However, I'm talking about people who were in their 80s or 90s... you are far from that...but it is up to you to decide. My recommendation would be to CTB before you have the misfortune to make it into one of those nursing homes. Terrible things are happening to helpless people over there. Believe me.

 

[not_a_robot]

Only you can say when life is still worth it and when it's too much.
However, working in a nursing home and doing exactly that, wiping other people's asses for a living...imho it's not worth it. I felt really bad about our residents, being kept alive for no good reason. However, I'm talking about people who were in their 80s or 90s... you are far from that...but it is up to you to decide. My recommendation would be to CTB before you have the misfortune to make it into one of those nursing homes. Terrible things are happening to helpless people over there. Believe me.

omg. suicide fuel. They are just lumps of meat.

 

[done_so_done]

omg. suicide fuel. They are just lumps of meat.

Actually, working in a nursing home with dementia patients has a lot to do with my suicidality, tbh...

 

[TimeToDie]

However, working in a nursing home and doing exactly that, wiping other people's asses for a living...imho it's not worth it. I felt really bad about our residents, being kept alive for no good reason.

My mother did rehab in a nursing home after knee replacement at age 70. She was there for 3 weeks and I'd visit every day. I got to see what nursing home residents look like, parked in front of the communal TV and many were just staring blankly, some at the wall rather than the TV, and I had to wonder if they even had any idea where the fuck they were. Probably best that they be totally out of it, since I'd prefer not to be aware that I am the living dead.

It's interesting how some people spend a whole hell of a lot of money on long-term care insurance, when others would invest in a suicide method to never need a nursing home.

 

[kerolox]

if a person is over 50 and knows that physical problems will get worse should we just say fuck it and die or should we keep trying until somebody else has to wipe our ass

Nobody can predict the future so there is always the potential to make the wrong call but I think that whatever is wrong with you if there are good statistics that few people in that position get better over time and it will most likely just get worse and worse then I'd say that's a pretty reasonable time to throw in the towel.

 

[Joannf]

i'm a 62yo male. i'm disabled due to chronic pain, severe copd, diabetes(on insulin and Victoza) depression, anxiety, ptsd, and some smaller shit. I keep trying and keep getting knocked down. trying is actually helping I have less pain in the evening and my copd is getting a little better. it's not a lot but it's something. but suicidal thoughts are always there and sometimes very serious. my question is this if a person is over 50 and knows that physical problems will get worse should we just say fuck it and die or should we keep trying until somebody else has to wipe our ass

Big decision ;)
My grandma is what... 94 and she's totally healthy basically but broke a hip a few years ago and then the other, which caused a longish hospital stay. This ddn't go well with her and they had her on opiates for a two weeks, and probably other stuff I never even heard about, from which she never really mentally recovered. So now she's in a home for the golden age or what they call 'em, and by now she's often being fed and doesn't talk a lot from disuse, and she's mainly just watching TV and smiling along. But she's one of those persons who are immune to overmuch depression so far. I couldn't say - I mean, many people only watch TV all day long and think that's absolutely normal. They might as well be dead... what I can say is only that I won't have her/their patience.
And as I pointed out, she's basically healthy, no pains. So your decision seems to mostly depend on if you're the type who shies away from decisions or not.
I only came here to make sure about my method, bounce my ideas, and I did have a few corroborative responses, may ten in 9 months.
My decision was made up before.

 

[done_so_done]

My mother did rehab in a nursing home after knee replacement at age 70. She was there for 3 weeks and I'd visit every day. I got to see what nursing home residents look like, parked in front of the communal TV and many were just staring blankly, some at the wall rather than the TV, and I had to wonder if they even had any idea where the fuck they were. Probably best that they be totally out of it, since I'd prefer not to be aware that I am the living dead.

It's interesting how some people spend a whole hell of a lot of money on long-term care insurance, when others would invest in a suicide method to never need a nursing home.

They all cried, all day and all night long...they cried: "Please, let me die!"
Over and over. These were dementia patients, they had almost zero functioning brain....yet, they still knew there is something terribly wrong with them....

 

[HGL91]

I worked in a Nursing Home for half a year. Those places are so depressing. To think these people worked so hard in their life to live to their 90s only to be bedridden in a diaper with stage 5 bedsores, dementia, dentures, and failed senses. Many of them don't even have family visit. I'd hand feed stroke patients and they'd squeak, "Killlll meeee". I felt like I was in a horror movie.

Actually, working in a nursing home with dementia patients has a lot to do with my suicidality, tbh...

Same. I haven't worked in a Nursing Home in 4 years and it still haunts me.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

Only you can say when life is still worth it and when it's too much.
However, working in a nursing home and doing exactly that, wiping other people's asses for a living...imho it's not worth it. I felt really bad about our residents, being kept alive for no good reason. However, I'm talking about people who were in their 80s or 90s... you are far from that...but it is up to you to decide. My recommendation would be to CTB before you have the misfortune to make it into one of those nursing homes. Terrible things are happening to helpless people over there. Believe me.

I had to do a rotation in a nursing home, we nicknamed "God's Waiting Room", while in nursing school. Holy Hell that was a nightmare. Just the lack of respect the staff had for the patients. I would go home and cry. The smells are imprinted on my brain, even decades later..I can taste the smell of an overfull colostomy bag. If I wasn't already planning to ctb, I would most assuredly do it if I was on my way to a home, or if I had any early signs of dementia/Alzheimer's. Watched enough of my relatives go through that.

 

[HGL91]

I had to do a rotation in a nursing home, we nicknamed "God's Waiting Room", while in nursing school. Holy Hell that was a nightmare. Just the lack of respect the staff had for the patients. I would go home and cry. The smells are imprinted on my brain, even decades later..I can taste the smell of an overfull colostomy bag. If I wasn't already planning to ctb, I would most assuredly do it if I was on my way to a home, or if I had any early signs of dementia/Alzheimer's. Watched enough of my relatives go through that.

Omg. Colostomy bags smell awful. Though, I describe nursing homes to smell like a combo of decomposing bodies and cheerios. Smells there in general are not appealing.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

They all cried, all day and all night long...they cried: "Please, let me die!"
Over and over. These were dementia patients, they had almost zero functioning brain....yet, they still knew there is something terribly wrong with them....

I worked in a Nursing Home for half a year. Those places are so depressing. To think these people worked so hard in their life to live to their 90s only to be bedridden in a diaper with stage 5 bedsores, dementia, dentures, and failed senses. Many of them don't even have family visit. I'd hand feed stroke patients and they'd squeak, "Killlll meeee". I felt like I was in a horror movie.


Same. I haven't worked in a Nursing Home in 4 years and it still haunts me.

It's so sad as a society that we allow that to happen. I have heard stories like this before. Many nursing homes are over crowded and understaffed.
I visited a relative in a nursing home ... it was scary. If you are rich and can afford a nice retirement home, I'm sure it's different.
As for the original posters question … I'm sure it has been answered.

 

[HGL91]

It's so sad as a society that we allow that to happen. I have heard stories like this before. Many nursing homes are over crowded and understaffed.
I visited a relative in a nursing home ... it was scary. If you are rich and can afford a nice retirement home, I'm sure it's different.
As for the original posters question … I'm sure it has been answered.

Yeah. My grandmother was 91 when she passed and had a 6 month battle with cancer. My mom and I had her stay at our house. My mom and aunt were long time RNs and my cousin and I were CNAs, so she got lots of love, amazing care and drugs. Died peacefully in her sleep. So fortunately, not everyone dies in Nursing Homes.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Yeah. My grandmother was 91 when she passed and had a 6 month battle with cancer. My mom and I had her stay at our house. My mom and aunt were long time RNs and my cousin and I were CNAs, so she got lots of love, amazing care and drugs. Died peacefully in her sleep. So fortunately, not everyone dies in Nursing Homes.

She was so lucky to have both of you to take care of her. Most aren't that fortunate.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

Yeah. My grandmother was 91 when she passed and had a 6 month battle with cancer. My mom and I had her stay at our house. My mom and aunt were long time RNs and my cousin and I were CNAs, so she got lots of love, amazing care and drugs. Died peacefully in her sleep. So fortunately, not everyone dies in Nursing Homes.

My father died from leukemia when he was 82. He went into hospice, but we opted for home care. We set his bed up in the living room, facing a large bay window, overlooking a valley (we were living in West Virginia at the time). I was happy to care for him, felt it was the least I could do for all he had done for me. He was not afraid of dying. In fact, he joked about it. He HATED Dancing with the Stars, but tolerated it because my mom loved it. He joked he was glad he wouldn't be around for the new season. Made comments like hating to wait around for the man in black to come get him. Towards the end, like 2 days before he passed, my mother had to put him into a hospice facility, due to him hallucinating due to lack of oxygen. I can't speak for all facilities, but the staff there were fantastic. Genuinely caring, not only for my father, but for all of us.
It truly saddens me when someone has to die in a nursing home. Then again, with the patients I encountered, most were just dropped off by family that didn't want the burden, and then forgotten.

 

[HGL91]

My father died from leukemia when he was 82. He went into hospice, but we opted for home care. We set his bed up in the living room, facing a large bay window, overlooking a valley (we were living in West Virginia at the time). I was happy to care for him, felt it was the least I could do for all he had done for me. He was not afraid of dying. In fact, he joked about it. He HATED Dancing with the Stars, but tolerated it because my mom loved it. He joked he was glad he wouldn't be around for the new season. Make comments like hating to wait around for the man in black to come get him. Towards the end, like 2 days before he passed, my mother had to put him into a hospice facility, due to him hallucinating due to lack of oxygen. I can't speak for all facilities, but the staff there were fantastic. Genuinely caring, not only for my father, but for all of us.
It truly saddens me when someone has to die in a nursing home. Then again, with the patients I encountered, most were just dropped off by family that didn't want the burden, and then forgotten.

Glad your father also had a lot of love during his passing. Hospice is definitely better than nursing homes. My grandmother joked a lot too! She'd joke the opposite, that she couldn't die yet because she needed to see the last season of Downton Abby!

 

[done_so_done]

My father died from leukemia when he was 82. He went into hospice, but we opted for home care. We set his bed up in the living room, facing a large bay window, overlooking a valley (we were living in West Virginia at the time). I was happy to care for him, felt it was the least I could do for all he had done for me. He was not afraid of dying. In fact, he joked about it. He HATED Dancing with the Stars, but tolerated it because my mom loved it. He joked he was glad he wouldn't be around for the new season. Made comments like hating to wait around for the man in black to come get him. Towards the end, like 2 days before he passed, my mother had to put him into a hospice facility, due to him hallucinating due to lack of oxygen. I can't speak for all facilities, but the staff there were fantastic. Genuinely caring, not only for my father, but for all of us.
It truly saddens me when someone has to die in a nursing home. Then again, with the patients I encountered, most were just dropped off by family that didn't want the burden, and then forgotten.

To be perfectly fair. ..dementia is terrible disease. If you saw what I saw our dementia residents doing, it would shock you to the core. I used to be of the same mindset - don't let your loved ones to die in a nursing home. But, dementia is entirely different ball game...I will spare you the details as it would really put you over the edge. I'm glad that you were able and willing to take care of your father....

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Omg. Colostomy bags smell awful.

I have one. :( I could talk about how diet and health affects the smell or how there are chemicals you can add to the pouch to counter the smell. But really, I'm starting to cry. FML.

During my surgery, I knew not to call my family. The first medical issue I had, I was blamed or yelled out, even though doctors said it wasn't my fault and was a known side effect of the drug. After my surgery, I called my friend of 20+ years for support. I usually don't call people for support. Growing up, it was me supporting one or the other of my parents, emotionally, occupationally, etc. In high school I would be researching suicide for my mom and adjustable vs fixed rate mortgages for my dad. Both are a lot of pressure for a kid. Adult decisions. On my own.

Anyway, my friend said she had a trip to go on, but would call me back after. Never did. I called my next friend of 20 years for support, the one who said she would always be there for me. She had a motorcycle trip that weekend but would call me back. She never did. And I remember sitting in my black chair and telling myself, "They're not calling back. I have to deal with this by myself."

And people wonder why I don't talk, why I don't reach out, why I simply disappear, and probably why I will disappear. I can even begin to comprehend how people work.

 

[done_so_done]

I have one. :( I could talk about how diet and health affects the smell or how there are chemicals you can add to the pouch to counter the smell. But really, I'm starting to cry. FML.

During my surgery, I knew not to call my family. The first medical issue I had, I was blamed or yelled out, even though doctors said it wasn't my fault and was a known side effect of the drug. After my surgery, I called my friend of 20+ years for support. I usually don't call people for support. Growing up, it was me supporting one or the other of my parents, emotionally, occupationally, etc. In high school I would be researching suicide for my mom and adjustable vs fixed rate mortgages for my dad. Both are a lot of pressure for a kid. Adult decisions. On my own.

Anyway, my friend said she had a trip to go on, but would call me back after. Never did. I called my next friend of 20 years for support, the one who said she would always be there for me. She had a motorcycle trip that weekend but would call me back. She never did. And I remember sitting in my black chair and telling myself, "They're not calling back. I have to deal with this by myself."

And people wonder why I don't talk, why I don't reach out, why I simply disappear, and probably why I will disappear. I can even begin to comprehend how people work.

That's exactly how people work.... you are only good to them as long as you are good. But when you fall on hard times, they all just disappear.

 

[1964dodge]

That's exactly how people work.... you are only good to them as long as you are good. But when you fall on hard times, they all just disappear.

i'm sorry but I have to disagree. there are still some good people in the world. i'm in poor health and my wife does a lot to help and my 3 adult children are always there to help if I ask or not, plus a few friends that actually care. but on the other side of the coin that some people are shit and care only for themselves
we took care of my mother for 12 years until she passed. she was in the hospital for 6 months a couple years before she died and then had to go to a nursing home for 6 months. I had an agreement with the doctor 6 months max then she comes home even if she died. the nursing home was useless one thing was instead of helping her to feed herself again they fed her all the time and did nothing to get her better. I think it's so she would have to stay until death. well I asked for her to be released and they said no they can't. called my doctor and he had her transported back home and made the nursing home help us set up for her. the place was clean and they had basic needs met, but to make sure we came in at least once a day to be sure

 

[done_so_done]

i'm sorry but I have to disagree. there are still some good people in the world. i'm in poor health and my wife does a lot to help and my 3 adult children are always there to help if I ask or not, plus a few friends that actually care. but on the other side of the coin that some people are shit and care only for themselves
we took care of my mother for 12 years until she passed. she was in the hospital for 6 months a couple years before she died and then had to go to a nursing home for 6 months. I had an agreement with the doctor 6 months max then she comes home even if she died. the nursing home was useless one thing was instead of helping her to feed herself again they fed her all the time and did nothing to get her better. I think it's so she would have to stay until death. well I asked for her to be released and they said no they can't. called my doctor and he had her transported back home and made the nursing home help us set up for her. the place was clean and they had basic needs met, but to make sure we came in at least once a day to be sure

I'm glad that you have different experience

 

[Cleopatra123]

I'm old and sick, very sick suddenly though I worked until age 68 then suddenly collapsed with myalgic encephalitis, and no amount of anything natural has been helping. Been reving up my machine to know what supplies to get, but every day it gets harder to walk, or anything. Soooooo time to go. I have benzos, and antihistamines and razors and out of time. Anybody suggest a quiet way to go while I can still get to a hotel please.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

i'm sorry but I have to disagree. there are still some good people in the world. i'm in poor health and my wife does a lot to help and my 3 adult children are always there to help if I ask or not, plus a few friends that actually care. but on the other side of the coin that some people are shit and care only for themselves
we took care of my mother for 12 years until she passed. she was in the hospital for 6 months a couple years before she died and then had to go to a nursing home for 6 months. I had an agreement with the doctor 6 months max then she comes home even if she died. the nursing home was useless one thing was instead of helping her to feed herself again they fed her all the time and did nothing to get her better. I think it's so she would have to stay until death. well I asked for her to be released and they said no they can't. called my doctor and he had her transported back home and made the nursing home help us set up for her. the place was clean and they had basic needs met, but to make sure we came in at least once a day to be sure

It sometimes is a curse to have people who love us. If my husband were only an asshole, I would have been gone years ago, but no, he has to be supportive and loving. It's why I hang on, day after day. I want so much to be rid of this broken body. Sometimes I wonder if God(s) coupled us to make me happy and bring me comfort, or if they are punishing me by allowing me to suffer in pain and guilt.
I'm glad you have a support system. Makes each day bearable. And what you did for your mother was fantastic. I lost my mother quite suddenly, and never got a chance to apologize for being so shitty to her. I had such high hopes of repairing our strained relationship. I was even going to move her into our new home, so she didn't have to live alone, or go to assisted living. I wasn't there when she passed. I wasn't there when my dad passed. I'm a piece of shit, who let her parents down when they needed her most. I'm glad that your mother had so much love and caring at the end of her life. I do wish that for all of us, but not everyone is as fortunate.

I'm old and sick, very sick suddenly though I worked until age 68 then suddenly collapsed with myalgic encephalitis, and no amount of anything natural has been helping. Been reving up my machine to know what supplies to get, but every day it gets harder to walk, or anything. Soooooo time to go. I have benzos, and antihistamines and razors and out of time. Anybody suggest a quiet way to go while I can still get to a hotel please.

Im sorry to hear that. Why can't everyone have an expiration date, and then just live our life until that day, then just cease to exist. No pain, no death, no lingering, no sadness. I hope in the future, euthanasia will be just another medical treatment, and suicide stops being demonized, and family and friends don't grieve , but are relieved that their loved one no longer has pain, physical or emotional. Certainly won't happen in my lifetime, unfortunately.

 

[Final Escape]

After reading this I hope they legalize euthanasia all over but then there is concern that many people will be wrongfully terminated as is the case with abortion. Most women don't want to murder their babies but if they perceive the situation to not be favorable they will. The fetus doesn't have a voice and many vulnerable people don't have much control or power over their lives which can make u feel like being murdered is your only option. But yea euthanizing inconvenient people makes sense in this system.