Officially homeless. Tonight is the night

[charlavail]

if you're having any sort of doubt, it might be helpful to be in a more steady state of mind and you are feeling like you are lacking being decisive in this decision. not trying to sway you any which way, it's your life and your pain but just keep in mind ctb is final so if you don't feel "decisive" then maybe figure out why.

 

[telekon]

They're a major cause of my current state TBH so not exactly. Seeking their help over the past decade has only done more damage to my psyche

Don't do it... I am sorry this is happening to you. I mean it's happening to me too but the worst thing you can do after being rejected once is ask again. Let them keep their fuckass money, it's all worthless anyways... Probably gonna see a bomb get dropped on it soon... I agree, this is a shitty timeline. Timeline and family are my two biggest reasons and definitely family are fucking up my psyche... So why bother... Just drop them all... How humiliating to be homeless while your family stands by and eats Easter dinner to celebrate Jesus' resurrection. Surely they know nothing about Christ and it's just gross how they pretend. My parents do this kind of shit on Christmas... Last Christmas was surely the last... Prioritize yourself. You are the most important person in your life and the only person that matters right now. If they are damaging your psyche, they are holding you back, and they are the reason for your current situation. I really hope you can come out the other side and find even a small amount of meaning left in this life... Meaning comes in waves and it will come again soon...

 

[Mirrors]

If you're hesitating, you can always catch the bus another day. Take your time and think it through, it's okay to put it down for now and give yourself space.

 

[uselessmanz]

I'm lacking the decisiveness I had a week ago, I probably need to first do the set up and then drink so I can impulsively go through it

Still around?

 

[Exhausted546]

Don't do it... I am sorry this is happening to you. I mean it's happening to me too but the worst thing you can do after being rejected once is ask again. Let them keep their fuckass money, it's all worthless anyways... Probably gonna see a bomb get dropped on it soon... I agree, this is a shitty timeline. Timeline and family are my two biggest reasons and definitely family are fucking up my psyche... So why bother... Just drop them all... How humiliating to be homeless while your family stands by and eats Easter dinner to celebrate Jesus' resurrection. Surely they know nothing about Christ and it's just gross how they pretend. My parents do this kind of shit on Christmas... Last Christmas was surely the last... Prioritize yourself. You are the most important person in your life and the only person that matters right now. If they are damaging your psyche, they are holding you back, and they are the reason for your current situation. I really hope you can come out the other side and find even a small amount of meaning left in this life... Meaning comes in waves and it will come again soon...

I truly appreciate the message. It's quite meaningful, the issue is that I don't have the strength to fight anymore,Ive exhausted most of it, it's slowly coming back but it's not nearly enough to live decently.

My father did accept to let me sleep at his place for now,he can change his mind at any time so at least I am housed and I'm not bleeding money on motels anymore. Doesn't make me want to die less.

Been applying for jobs,nothing so far, might start applying to work in factories although I know from having worked there a decade ago, It was quite demoralizing. A pay is a pay a guess,it could extend my life for a few months.

Sincerely the future just seems really bleak,I don't see much to salvage if anything at all. I don't want a life where I'm only living to struggle to survive,I know it's an extreme first world problem when countless people around the world work themselves to death in extreme poverty but that doesn't change that I don't have the fight and will necessary to fight and survive. Its probably whiny but it is what it is ,I'm exhausted

 

[Harrier]

I truly appreciate the message. It's quite meaningful, the issue is that I don't have the strength to fight anymore,Ive exhausted most of it, it's slowly coming back but it's not nearly enough to live decently.

My father did accept to let me sleep at his place for now,he can change his mind at any time so at least I am housed and I'm not bleeding money on motels anymore. Doesn't make me want to die less.

Been applying for jobs,nothing so far, might start applying to work in factories although I know from having worked there a decade ago, It was quite demoralizing. A pay is a pay a guess,it could extend my life for a few months.

Sincerely the future just seems really bleak,I don't see much to salvage if anything at all. I don't want a life where I'm only living to struggle to survive,I know it's an extreme first world problem when countless people around the world work themselves to death in extreme poverty but that doesn't change that I don't have the fight and will necessary to fight and survive. Its probably whiny but it is what it is ,I'm exhausted

No reason you have is whiny.

I am in a fairly stable financial situation, but that could change if I don't start looking for work.

My problem is that I can't motivate myself to do anything but drink to kill the pain.

No reason you have is whiny.

I am in a fairly stable financial situation, but that could change if I don't start looking for work.

My problem is that I can't motivate myself to do anything but drink to kill the pain.

And, I am slowly drinking away my life savings.

If I don't stop soon, I could become homeless.

I do have a potential financial backup, but that is causing me to be depressed too (long story).

I have family who will take me in, but that is the last thing I want to do.

I fail at everything.

Just don't want to fail at this.

 

[Exhausted546]

No reason you have is whiny.

I am in a fairly stable financial situation, but that could change if I don't start looking for work.

My problem is that I can't motivate myself to do anything but drink to kill the pain.


And, I am slowly drinking away my life savings.

If I don't stop soon, I could become homeless.

I do have a potential financial backup, but that is causing me to be depressed too (long story).

I have family who will take me in, but that is the last thing I want to do.

I fail at everything.

Just don't want to fail at this.

Im sorry to hate this fr.
I absolutely hate this timeline. I'd give everything to be sent back to 2015 and cut off my family before traumatic events and the psychological abuse they inflicted in the vulnerable state I was, I wouldn't have become a broken shadow of my former self and failed out of med school. I'd be a thriving doctor instead of a homeless guy that needs to work dead end jobs to even scrape by and I don't even have the energy and will to do that anymore even, this is a nightmare timeline. I still feel suffocated by my toxic family.

I have difficulty tolerating this timeline ,regardless of how first world problem-ish this may be. I just hate it all.

Do you have a safe well paying job that's not killing you inside? Have you considered alcoholic anonymous so you can prevent things from getting worse?

 

[Harrier]

Im sorry to hate this fr.
I absolutely hate this timeline. I'd give everything to be sent back to 2015 and cut off my family before traumatic events and the psychological abuse they inflicted in the vulnerable state I was, I wouldn't have become a broken shadow of my former self and failed out of med school. I'd be a thriving doctor instead of a homeless guy that needs to work dead end jobs to even scrape by and I don't even have the energy and will to do that anymore even, this is a nightmare timeline. I still feel suffocated by my toxic family.

I have difficulty tolerating this timeline ,regardless of how first world problem-ish this may be. I just hate it all.

Do you have a safe well paying job that's not killing you inside? Have you considered alcoholic anonymous so you can prevent things from getting worse?

I have a couple skills that could pay decently if not well.

Problem is that I am middle aged, and those jobs usually want younger people.

So, my backup is the old standby - pushing a pallet jack in a warehouse.

AA really isn't an option.

I can't say that I have a disease, that I don't choose to drink.

If I can't be honest, why bother?

To put a point on it - if I have money, I will drink, to kill the pain.

It might come to a point where I find a job just to have liqour money.

If I lose my room, I will find cans or ask for drinking money.

Or, I can ctb.

 

[meddle]

how are you, friend? are you feeling save at your fathers house?

 

[The Dead Line]

Homelessness is one of the worst thing can could happen to a human being in 2026

 

[telekon]

Sincerely the future just seems really bleak,I don't see much to salvage if anything at all. I don't want a life where I'm only living to struggle to survive,I know it's an extreme first world problem when countless people around the world work themselves to death in extreme poverty but that doesn't change that I don't have the fight and will necessary to fight and survive. Its probably whiny but it is what it is ,I'm exhausted

No I get you... the input-ouput of life is not worth it anymore and people are being drained... I have a good feeling it will change for the better once all the Boomers die... Anyone under 32 seems to understand that this world is not fair anymore. Everybody is feeling it.

I just got into my grandmother's house last night but I can only stay for a few days. It's 4:58am. My uncle's TV has been on full-blast all night... Just got out of an abusive landlord situation where she kept us in 14 degree temperature all winter. Yesterday she assaulted me and it wasn't the first time (if I am standing between two doors, she likes to slam them together to try and crush me... this has happened twice)... So like yeah the Boomers are fucked. I'll sometimes talk about the economy or the housing crisis and all they can say is "well we're all doing fine"

Shit is not fine, and people are angry. It's not always visible but people are making change...

I live in Canada, so now the worst is over in terms of winter and I'm excited to start exploring the city again. I'm on welfare but I'm also a writer so I'm just gonna live at the library and gym... sleep in a storage unit for 200/month... Just gotta believe... I used to drive for a living... that was a really peaceful job that I didn't really need skills for so I might do that again

 

[Exhausted546]

No I get you... the input-ouput of life is not worth it anymore and people are being drained... I have a good feeling it will change for the better once all the Boomers die... Anyone under 32 seems to understand that this world is not fair anymore. Everybody is feeling it.

I just got into my grandmother's house last night but I can only stay for a few days. It's 4:58am. My uncle's TV has been on full-blast all night... Just got out of an abusive landlord situation where she kept us in 14 degree temperature all winter. Yesterday she assaulted me and it wasn't the first time (if I am standing between two doors, she likes to slam them together to try and crush me... this has happened twice)... So like yeah the Boomers are fucked. I'll sometimes talk about the economy or the housing crisis and all they can say is "well we're all doing fine"

Shit is not fine, and people are angry. It's not always visible but people are making change...

I live in Canada, so now the worst is over in terms of winter and I'm excited to start exploring the city again. I'm on welfare but I'm also a writer so I'm just gonna live at the library and gym... sleep in a storage unit for 200/month... Just gotta believe... I used to drive for a living... that was a really peaceful job that I didn't really need skills for so I might do that again

Im sorry to hear that. I'm in Canada too. Have you ever slept in a storage unit ? How is it?

 

[telekon]

Im sorry to hear that. I'm in Canada too. Have you ever slept in a storage unit ? How is it?

I've owned storage units and fantasized about it but never have, no. It can't be worse than the basement apartment I was just in.

I'm pretty sure U-Haul is marketing their units as apartments now lol. When you go, they ask "do you want a 1-bedroom or 2-bedroom?"

 

[Exhausted546]

I've owned storage units and fantasized about it but never have, no. It can't be worse than the basement apartment I was just in.

I'm pretty sure U-Haul is marketing their units as apartments now lol. When you go, they ask "do you want a 1-bedroom or 2-bedroom?"

I googled it,I can't find relevant informations except their trucks being able to transport à 1bedroom or à 2bedroom, whatever that means

 

[telekon]

Go to https://www.uhaul.com/Storage/ and you should be able to find something ... you'll wanna be sleuth though if you actually do go through with it because it is technically against the rules, but I've heard from others that they've turned a blind eye

 

[paranoias64]

Im sorry to hate this fr.
I absolutely hate this timeline. I'd give everything to be sent back to 2015 and cut off my family before traumatic events and the psychological abuse they inflicted in the vulnerable state I was, I wouldn't have become a broken shadow of my former self and failed out of med school. I'd be a thriving doctor instead of a homeless guy that needs to work dead end jobs to even scrape by and I don't even have the energy and will to do that anymore even, this is a nightmare timeline. I still feel suffocated by my toxic family.

I have difficulty tolerating this timeline ,regardless of how first world problem-ish this may be. I just hate it all.

Do you have a safe well paying job that's not killing you inside? Have you considered alcoholic anonymous so you can prevent things from getting worse?

u put exactly how i feel into words. so ur not alone in that feeling at least, especially that "first world problems" part. i know i'm so privileged and i feel torn up inside for not having any "fight" in me so to speak. so don't feel guilty for feeling the way u do.

 

[Exhausted546]

u put exactly how i feel into words. so ur not alone in that feeling at least, especially that "first world problems" part. i know i'm so privileged and i feel torn up inside for not having any "fight" in me so to speak. so don't feel guilty for feeling the way u do.

It being a first world problem doesn't suddenly give me fight or make want to ctb less. God I hate this timeline.

In any case I feel like I postponed long enough,I have to do it

 

[paranoias64]

i wasn't saying it did? i was just saying i think ppl struggle in any environment and that u shouldn't feel ashamed for that

 

[Exhausted546]

i wasn't saying it did? i was just saying i think ppl struggle in any environment and that u shouldn't feel ashamed for that

Oh you misunderstood, I was building on what you said in agreement with you, didn't express myself properly

 

[telekon]

Okay so I actually went today and I got a U-haul storage unit. They have a policy that if you don't "check out" before 10pm you are automatically locked out of your unit, so sleeping there at night is a no-go. Biggest unit is 250$/month.

But it's really nice, spacious, and heated. No cameras or anything so it's total privacy and kind of feels like an apartment... There's nothing stopping me from sleeping there in the day. Can't wait to organize it with my desk and bed and stuff...

 

[Exhausted546]

Okay so I actually went today and I got a U-haul storage unit. They have a policy that if you don't "check out" before 10pm you are automatically locked out of your unit, so sleeping there at night is a no-go. Biggest unit is 250$/month.

But it's really nice, spacious, and heated. No cameras or anything so it's total privacy and kind of feels like an apartment... There's nothing stopping me from sleeping there in the day. Can't wait to organize it with my desk and bed and stuff...

So at what time can you check in? Like 8am?

 

[Chito and Yuuri]

So at what time can you check in? Like 8am?

Google appears to say that most U-Haul storage units generally allow access from 5 A.M. to 10 P.M., though some do have 24/7 access.

Also, I'm glad to see that you are remaining safe amidst such a scary time for you.

 

[telekon]

Google appears to say that most U-Haul storage units generally allow access from 5 A.M. to 10 P.M., though some do have 24/7 access.

Also, I'm glad to see that you are remaining safe amidst such a scary time for you.

Yeah, it's 5 A.M. There's nothing to be afraid of now that it's spring... Canada is kind of a gorgeous place to be homeless. I highly recommend Feed Scarborough trucks, they give tons of free home-cooked meals and it's really delicious. They say to keep it a secret. There are tons of places like this around.

It's scarier to pay rent and be a debt-slave in Canada than to be a nomad.

 

[Chito and Yuuri]

Yeah, it's 5 A.M. There's nothing to be afraid of now that it's spring... Canada is kind of a gorgeous place to be homeless. I highly recommend Feed Scarborough trucks, they give tons of free home-cooked meals and it's really delicious. They say to keep it a secret. There are tons of places like this around.

It's scarier to pay rent and be a debt-slave in Canada than to be a nomad.

Hm, glad to hear that. Good luck btw, coming from a neighbor down below Canada.

 

[Harrier]

I've read that one can rent cheap office spaces for less than an apartment, and sleep there.

You have to be quiet and discreet.

People aren't really supposed to sleep in commercial spaces.

But, we are allowed to sleep outside.

Go figure.

 

[textmewhenyourehome]

Hi

It's always hard for me to find the right words in moments like this but I wanted to say a lot of your posts and comments resonated with me. I firstly wanted to say, as someone from a country that's being bombed to bits right now, your problems aren't small and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. This world is very messed up, and I can relate to family completely breaking you down and leaving a husk that already feels dead before you even CTB.

I just hope you know that the world is a better place with you in it. It doesn't mean you're obligated to stay, but please know I'm rooting for you. It might not help your case but when I was at my rock bottom, I watched the show "Bojack Horseman" and these final lines in the show really helped me

"Life's a bitch and then you die right?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes life's a bitch and then you keep on living."

You clearly sound like an intelligent person with a lot of potential, and if you feel like your will to live is coming back, it'd be amazing to see you climb out of this rut and eventually thrive. Please don't feel guilty no matter what you choose, and either way I hope you see better days ahead

 

[telekon]

I've read that one can rent cheap office spaces for less than an apartment, and sleep there.

You have to be quiet and discreet.

People aren't really supposed to sleep in commercial spaces.

But, we are allowed to sleep outside.

Go figure.

I've been looking into this route but I can't find anything private for less than 500/month, in which case you mine as well just rent a basement room.

Regus has shared offices for 400/month, and the lady who was showing me them said no one ever comes. Apparently all the renters are European and just use it as a mailing address, and when I told her I worked overnights she said it's not a problem if I'm there all night. The issue right now is they want three months up-front so I just don't have the money right now.

 

[Exhausted546]

Hi

It's always hard for me to find the right words in moments like this but I wanted to say a lot of your posts and comments resonated with me. I firstly wanted to say, as someone from a country that's being bombed to bits right now, your problems aren't small and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. This world is very messed up, and I can relate to family completely breaking you down and leaving a husk that already feels dead before you even CTB.

I just hope you know that the world is a better place with you in it. It doesn't mean you're obligated to stay, but please know I'm rooting for you. It might not help your case but when I was at my rock bottom, I watched the show "Bojack Horseman" and these final lines in the show really helped me

"Life's a bitch and then you die right?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes life's a bitch and then you keep on living."

You clearly sound like an intelligent person with a lot of potential, and if you feel like your will to live is coming back, it'd be amazing to see you climb out of this rut and eventually thrive. Please don't feel guilty no matter what you choose, and either way I hope you see better days ahead

I truly appreciate the message, I thought about it long and hard but the past decade truly wore me down to the point I started doubting i was ever something different than the husk I became. The world treats me like the husk I became. My family sees me as having always been a husk in the first place. I struggled to get back up and prove the world wrong, by the time I recovered enough from tons of issues that were plaguing me and was a year away from graduating the 4yrs long software engineering degree (took me like 7,was barely functional the first 3-4, (I had a ton of issues plaguing me)), I was hit simultaneously with several back-to-back heavy blows, out of ressources, job market for software engineers is dead. I'll admit,I should have chosen another engineering field, at least it wouldn't all have been for naught). I hate that it took me 3-4 years of futile struggle to even start making proper progress.

I don't have it in me to pursue another degree without ressources. I doubt I'll have the mental health to grind a dead-end job to survive and put myself through school again especially while it continues to be me against the world. I could start working in a factory at minimum wage too, I'd end up offing myself anyway as I wouldn't have been able to overcome my past and that in itself is the end of me.

The more I wait,the more pathetic my situation becomes,the more judgement I receive,the less valid my pain becomes and so on. I can't properly convey things in a way that doesn't sound completely childish first world problems imo. But I'm exhausted,I put on an alright fight this past decade, now I'll rest.

I don't believe enough in myself anymore to believe I can still climb out. But I can't stress how much I appreciated your words nonetheless.

I am likely without a shelter again, left before my father kicked me out (he claimed 5x he was going to anyway), rope in my backpack, alcohol, at least it's less cold now, I'll wait another 4-5 hours before heading to the woods.

 

[Exhausted546]

2 hours before I go to the woods

 

[Exhausted546]

Alright I'm going to the woods now. Strange timing for my brother that hadn't contacted me in a while to ask me what's up just now. Welp.

It's raining , good thing I have my rain boots but I have no clue how much it'd complicate things


Edit: it's absolutely freezing with the rain, I'm shivering and wet, dont have my winter jacket or my winter gloves.

God damn