Venting Officially diagnosed with treatment resistant depression

[heavyeyes]

This is something I already knew but it was finally confirmed today. I tried so many medications, therapy, and even expensive ketamine infusions. Nothing has helped. I'm out of options within my means and running out of time.

My only option is ctb. Prolifers/normies don't understand that I don't want to live in pain for my rest of my life. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. Half my life is gone and wasted thanks to mental illness. I was doomed from the start.

I long for peace. I just want my mind and heart to rest. I'm so tired

 

[divinemistress36]

I understand <3

 

[thelazyegg]

I relate to this a lot. Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much. It's unfair. I truly hope you are able to get peace and relief from the suffering, in mind, body, and heart <3

 

[ilovemydog]

I've never tried ketamine but I'm curious if it actually helps depression like people claim it does

 

[LunarLight]

I have TRD as well and think about CTB a lot as nothing seems to relieve my symptoms. Have you tried rTMS or ECT? It helps some people with TRD.

I've never tried ketamine but I'm curious if it actually helps depression like people claim it does

I tried for two months and a half (self-medication) and I can tell you it helps very much at the beginning (like depression vanishes) but it doesn't last long.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry thats the case, i can understand it makes everything very hard for you ;(
I hope you will find the peace you need <3

 

[LOVELYDARKDEEP]

I have TRD too. I had high hopes for ketamine therapy, but it didn't have any meaningful effect for me.

It's a hard thing to struggle with, and for so long. Have you read Against Depression by Peter Kramer? I hadn't realized how much chronic depression alters the physiology of the brain. Depression is a disease that slowly ravages your brain. Some days I feel like it's some sort of parasite that crawls up in your skull and slowly replaces all of the parts of your personality with itself, until you can't even tell which parts are you and which parts are the depression.

 

[UKscotty]

You are not alone, there's many if us also with treatment resistant depression sadly.

The only thing I don't think I have tried is ECT but everyone seems to say that is a bad idea.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so much. Live is often so unfair too so many of us.

 

[Trakehner]

I have this too. I've been suggested TMS and ECT, but the idea of it sounds scary. I will probably choose the die before I try either anyways though.

 

[divinemistress36]

I have this too. I've been suggested TMS and ECT, but the idea of it sounds scary. I will probably choose the die before I try either anyways though.

TMS is so gentle I only got minor headaches

 

[Nigh]

Same. I was just put on Pregabalin as a last resort, after being on countless antidepressants and anxiety tablets, and it failed too. I know how you feel. Depleted, isn't even the word. So sorry you have to go through this. Wishing you peace also.

 

[Timothy7dff]

Adderall can be effective for treatment resistant depression. It's hard to get doctors to prescribe these days, but it can be very helpful.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this cruel existence, it really sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[restless.dreams]

I'm so sorry you are suffering with this terrible disease. I probably have it too. Did your doctor have any suggestions when you got the diagnosis?

Wishing you peace <3

 

[BlazingBob]

Adderall can be effective for treatment resistant depression. It's hard to get doctors to prescribe these days, but it can be very helpful.

I took it for TRD and ADD. It worked great but now nobody will prescribe it to me because I'm taking opiates for chronic pain. Apparently our owners limit how many controlled substances we can take. Just like prolifers they know what's best for us

 

[divinemistress36]

Adderall can be effective for treatment resistant depression. It's hard to get doctors to prescribe these days, but it can be very helpful.

Does it make you really anxious though?

 

[BlazingBob]

I have TRD. I did ketamine infusions and also TMS, psilocybin, talk therapy up the wazoo, pretty much every medication. Only stimulants helped but the DEA won't let me have them. I'm exhausted. I'm 51 with multiple physical diseases including Parkinson's. Unfortunately depression can't always be helped. Let us have a peaceful exit but that'll never happen.

Does it make you really anxious though?

It actually helped with my anxiety. It's like a veil of darkness being lifted.

 

[Timothy7dff]

Does it make you really anxious though?

Adderall affects everyone differently. It's a VERY strong drug. I tried every drug for depression and nothing worked. Adderall helped me get my life back on track during a very difficult time. Of course, a couple of deep state a holes undid all my hard work with a couple of mouseclicks, but the adderall gave me a ton of energy. It was a big help with depression but it's really bad for your body in general.

I've known other people who couldn't be on it because it made them lethargic. If nothing else is working, it's definitely worth a shot. It could make you anxious. If the positives don't outweigh the negatives, then just stop taking it.

 

[willitpass]

You are not alone, there's many if us also with treatment resistant depression sadly.

The only thing I don't think I have tried is ECT but everyone seems to say that is a bad idea.

I wouldn't completely throw ECT out the window. I didn't benefit from it but I didn't have any harm from it either. It was just another box to check to see if it may help. The only thing I would say is that I was 14 when I had it, so the side effects were minimal due to my age. I feel like the older you are the more likely you are to have the negative effects due to decreased neuroplasticity.

 

[belowhorizon]

I have never tried treatments or medications in the past but I already feel like I'm out of options and running out of time. Everything feels hopeless and the only solution is to end it all.

 

[heavyeyes]

I've never tried ketamine but I'm curious if it actually helps depression like people claim it does

In my experience the effects didn't last very long. Maybe 6 months or less

I have TRD as well and think about CTB a lot as nothing seems to relieve my symptoms. Have you tried rTMS or ECT? It helps some people with TRD.

I've heard rTMS doesn't work. I'm not willing to try ECT because it messed up a friend of mine pretty badly

I have TRD too. I had high hopes for ketamine therapy, but it didn't have any meaningful effect for me.

It's a hard thing to struggle with, and for so long. Have you read Against Depression by Peter Kramer? I hadn't realized how much chronic depression alters the physiology of the brain. Depression is a disease that slowly ravages your brain. Some days I feel like it's some sort of parasite that crawls up in your skull and slowly replaces all of the parts of your personality with itself, until you can't even tell which parts are you and which parts are the depression.

I had the same experience on ketamine too. Depression really does change the brain. I lived it. I'll read the book you suggested it sounds interesting :)

Adderall can be effective for treatment resistant depression. It's hard to get doctors to prescribe these days, but it can be very helpful.

Ah if only adderall was easier to get a hold of. I would try it asap

I have TRD. I did ketamine infusions and also TMS, psilocybin, talk therapy up the wazoo, pretty much every medication. Only stimulants helped but the DEA won't let me have them. I'm exhausted. I'm 51 with multiple physical diseases including Parkinson's. Unfortunately depression can't always be helped. Let us have a peaceful exit but that'll never happen.

It actually helped with my anxiety. It's like a veil of darkness being lifted.

I'm so sorry. Fuck the DEA and fuck prolifers

 

[divinemistress36]

Adderall can be effective for treatment resistant depression. It's hard to get doctors to prescribe these days, but it can be very helpful.

Does it make you really anxious though

In my experience the effects didn't last very long. Maybe 6 months or less

I've heard rTMS doesn't work. I'm not willing to try ECT because it messed up a friend of mine pretty badly

I had the same experience on ketamine too. Depression really does change the brain. I lived it. I'll read the book you suggested it sounds interesting :)

Ah if only adderall was easier to get a hold of. I would try it asap

I'm so sorry. Fuck the DEA and fuck prolifers

ECT gave me a lot of memory loss it should be an absolute last resort

 

[heavyeyes]

ECT gave me a lot of memory loss it should be an absolute last resort

It did the same to my friend. He can't remember years of his life. To this day he still has a lot of memory loss and issues with memory in general

 

[divinemistress36]

It did the same to my friend. He can't remember years of his life. To this day he still has a lot of memory loss and issues with memory in general

It's barbaric

 

[heavyeyes]

It's barbaric

I agree. It shouldn't exist

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. TRD is absolutely awful. I hope you find peace soon

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would never agree to such a treatment. It's just an experiment and if it doesn't help or you're fucked up even more you're left alone with even bigger health problems.

How could electric current cure a fucked up brain ... A brain is not a hard disk.

 

[Timothy7dff]

Ah if only adderall was easier to get a hold of. I would try it asap

It's available for purchase on most dark web sites.

 

[LunarLight]

I would never agree to such a treatment. It's just an experiment and if it doesn't help or you're fucked up even more you're left alone with even bigger health problems.

How could electric current cure a fucked up brain ... A brain is not a hard disk.

If you're out of options, you have nothing to lose. You fail and end up with memory loss? One more reason to CTB. It works? Maybe it saves your life.