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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
Greetings, komrades.

Funny how things end up, isn't it?
One moment we are nothing, than all at once we are here.
An amalgamated ball of thoughts, flesh and feeling.
Forced to live a life that isn't fair and wrought with suffering and strife.

So as some of you know, my last attempt ended up destroying what little I had left.
I wont' go to much in details, you guys can talk about it when I'm gone. [Hopefully, Goddess Hel willling]
Losing what I held most dear and what had kept me afloat all these years was too much for me to bear.

I've written my letter already [And boy, is it lengthy.] and joined it with my will.
Of course willing everything I have and saved up, for my kid.
Because as a good mother should, they should wish for the happiness and longievity of their only son.
Yet, part of me, the darker aspect of me.
Wishes I could take him with me.

I suppose I'll just have to wait on the other side [if there is one, because part of me still wishes for it.]

I won't post the letter, obviously.
Due to the sensitive nature of the document.
But I do hope that all whom read it are able to get a better sense of clarity about everything.

So as I turn my head towards the sun that refuses to show on this chilling morning.
I can see the twinkle of moonlight shimmer across the land that I had spent my life adoring and wishing I had connected with.
October was always the best month for ushering in the cold embrace of winter wasn't it?
The world slowly dies around you, wilting into shades of golden amber and crimson.
The last burst of life before the slow, somber decay into the grey barreness of winter.

At this moment, I feel the rapid hearbeat of my life give one final crescendo of colour.
And with it, I'll paint the world around me in all the hues I know best.

And in those hues, I will illustrate a pathway that will lead me to that final end.

But before I finish this first post, I want to thank all those who bothered to reach out to me.
You guys are are wondeful [The Chat community.] and have done your best to fight ahead alongside me.
I wish we could have all had some big meetup, what a sight that would be.

Foogs, Mediation Guide, Nasigoreng, T-bone, Observer, Slothrop, Uncle Donk, Sans, Amumu, wateryeyes, MG_39, timetosleep, Persephone, AME, nopointofliving, Dead Meat, those I missed and reacted on my wall.


So the plan is for October 29th - 1st of November.
We'll be staying for at least three days and hopefully will have a streaming plan setup.
This will be dependant on having a secure space and network to livestream from without fear of being doxxed and found.
I'll post the schedhule as the time gets nearer and things start to finalize.
Finalizing renting the cabin, traveling, meeting up with best mate across country, shopping for the week and rounding up all the supplies and droogs for the week.
We have a plethora of drugs, [2gs Ketamine, 60 pills of 60mg Phenobarbital, 95ml of GHB, 60mg of Xanax, 50mg of Etizolam, Booze, Kratom].
When we acquire the rest of the supplies [Exit bag, noose rope, ratchet rope, sharp objects (Either scalpels or knives or something similiar)],
We will have plenty of means to finish the task of ending our suffering once and for all.

Since it will be very secluded and in the woods, it will be VERY unlikely we'll be found for awhile.
So I will probably set up some sort of bot to post here in a week if possible to let you all know that I have passed from this world.
This will be mainly for those who will not be actively watching the daily stream that hopefully we will be able to provide to you all.


|Stops and thinks for a moment|

I guess that's it for now, komrades.

Until next time.



-T̼̼̖̾͟͞h̨͚͚͖ͯ̒̄͗͞ḛ̡̰̳͓̥ͬ͋ͪͧ M͚͚̻͂̇͜͟͟ụ̴̴̾̀͟͡t͖͖̠̬͛ḛ̡̰̳͓̥ͬ͋ͪͧ V̵̡͔͔͔̭̾̀̂̑͞i̧̻̻͉̜͑ͪ̾͟k̼̼̞̦̞̼̔i̧̻̻͉̜͑ͪ̾͟n̫̫̘̗͕̲̲̎ͥg̬̬̱ͩ͋͟͟

"We are but cosmic dust motes held down in place in an infinite black abyss of emptiness."
 

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sadstargazer231

So, so weary…
Jun 29, 2021
37
You write beautifully. I wish you peace.
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
Thank you, @sadstargazer231
I appreciate those words of kindess.

I do hope there is peace.
Maybe if we're all lucky.
There is a paradise awaiting all of us.
 
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littlelungs

littlelungs

Wizard
Oct 21, 2018
646
I'd have to agree with @sadstargazer231; you really have a knack for writing. I was fully immersed in what you were saying, and I can only aspire to express myself as eloquently as you do.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you find the peace that you've always deserved, no matter where it is.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,823
I hope you find the peace you are looking for and freedom from your suffering.
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
I honestly hope so too you guys.

I would be lying to say if I wasn't still nervous about it all.
We have no proof of what lays beyond.
And despite the handful of times nearly dying/dying.
Each time is just as frigtening.

There's no immunity to this kind of soul-shock.

Just waiting on vax and card then I can travel.
Still waiting on a few things to arrive, aka the pheno and stuff.
Which I hope does't take the 3-6 weeks.

That would delay us and I'm really looking forward to leaving this wretched, empty world asap.

You guys are so wonderful.

On a side note. If I die this month, I will miss my sons 10th birthday. Yet. I already have big box of birthday gifts with letter inside. Not suicide letter. A different kind of letter. I even had a two page manga made for us.

Let me know if you guys want to see it. It's super cute and a bit spicey. Some of you will probably be like "Oof. This very spicey."
 
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Bone

Bone

Sad Sack
Jul 29, 2021
168
it was moving hearing a bit of your story. strength and warm wishes in the coming weeks and i hope you feel peace.
 
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downbad

downbad

Member
Jul 18, 2021
7
@The Mute Viking wish I got to know you more. I hope you find the peace you're looking for this time. You seem to be a beautiful soul and talented poet. I'm sure the chat community will be gutted to see you go.
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
Thanks komrades.

I was working on a novel and poetry works.
But I'll probably be gone before I can actually be able to publish them.
I at least should post my poetry here or somewhere.
Hm.
I hope that you guys don't grieve for me. for I am nothing special and worth crying over.


Here's By Blood Into Blood. [From Songs From A Madwoman; A Book of Poetry by me VQS]
 

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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
Mon Amie Seul Fils
 

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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
6,015
Be careful with the picture of your own in this forum. Some people like to leak or harass. (Looking at you prolifers)
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
I'm not worried to be honest.
They can do their worst and it still wouldn't phase me. lmfao.

The Insane Delve Deeper.
 

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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
205
So. I may just go ahead of schedule, since things are not going according to plan and everything is falling apart.

I may just get in the bathtub with what drugs I do have and see if I can pull something together.

I don't know anymore...
 
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Bedrock48

Bedrock48

Dreadful damage, dreadful destiny
Feb 1, 2021
540
I'm sorry things aren't going as intended. Whatever happens I hope the decision you make will bring you peace.
 
Donk

Donk

Useless since day 1
Jan 3, 2020
1,128
Deep down I know you are a great mother and I hope you find peace. Feel free to PM.
 

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