I had severe 'OCD' at one point but it's manageable now, although it does act up when I get set off in particular ways, I am actually surprised it's not at its worst right now, since the rest of my life IS.
Shambles.
I reduced it to the point of invisibility-even to myself, all on my own, no "help" from any therapy or anything like that, I was just made to feel like a freak about it, or it was a joke to people.
The only times I had any type of revelation about this 'disorder', or where I felt I was not alone in it, was when coming across the film "The Aviator", and funnily enough, when I watched the surprisingly accurate docu-reality series about it on VH1 (I forget the name).
I could not believe there were people like me, if only in that small way, I was so used to people using "OCD" as a synonym for being anal (or fussy).
My OCD consisted of more ritualistic tendencies rather than hygienic ones (although there were some.)
Light switch flipping, door checking, dragging certain feet out of the doorway, attributing "good or bad" to certain numerical digits, along with the digits of my own hands (to the point I wouldn't use certain fingers and they became crippled looking and numb), I could not touch certain finger tips together without doing a weird ass ritual with my hands, I had a right side of body/left side of body dichotomy, I had to repeat certain phrases in my head until they sounded "correct", it affected the efficacy of my writing as I had to "close" any letters that were open or "open" any letters that were closed-also often had to write over the same words-layering them in ink.
It got to the point where it even affected my pattern of breathing (which btw, was particularly antagonizing to me, as someone who already struggles to breathe and get enough oxygen)..if I saw something I liked or wanted incorporated into my life, I would have to "inhale" and if I saw something I did not like and did not want incorporated into my life, I would have to "exhale" or hold my breath.
Having that "disorder" has not made me any more sympathetic to the rhetoric or authority wielded by the mental health professionals.
Just because I give credence to the list of symptoms listed in the OCD defining spectrum, does not mean I believe there is something inherently wrong with my brain or that one diagnosis opens a person up for more.
With OCD, you usually know it's irrational, but you are still compelled to do an action/ritual (or intrusive thought/worry).
At least, that's how it was for me, pure compulsion, my outlook on life, and my outlook on my OCD was always logical and sourced out of reality.
I knew these "rituals" were ridiculous, it was just a matter of stopping them.
It was a similar issue with my experience with eating disorders, I knew that, rationally, they were making me look and feel like shit, but it was the only thing I could control in my life, so I took that control to the maximum level, until it did me less favors versus more.
If anything I believe that my OCD and other disorders I fell/fall under were caused by aggravating circumstances.
They were simply involuntary coping mechanisms for other aspects of my anxious, miserable existence that I had no control over, no say in.
The mind and body work in mysterious ways, it does not mean we are "ill" or abnormal, nor does it mean we deserve to have our rights stripped from us under the false assumption that our "disordered" brains can't think or decide for themselves.
All that said, I am so sorry you have had to experience this disorder, it is an annoying ass motherfucker, very exhausting, especially when you see the pointlessness of certain actions yet still feel compelled to complete them.
Whenever people said "I am so OCD", I would always be like-
"You are so obsessive compulsive disorder? Huh?" Lol
