numb but excited

[nails]

i think things will be over soon. if i have all my estimations correct, i'll be able to ctb before the year ends.
i feel really numb and apathetic. i don't care about anything as much as i used to and all i can think about is how i'll be at peace soon. i get really excited and giddy whenever i think about ctb. i don't get upset about anything because i know nothing matters, i'll be dead soon anyways. i just wish i could speed things up. waiting around is boring, but i don't have the money to do anything fun. i'm just going through life as normal.

i'm a little annoyed at my lack of experiences, but i'm not bothered enough to do anything. i'm dying a virgin, i've never even kissed anyone or had a real romantic relationship. i've never been to an actual party, i've never been on a roller coaster... stupid shit like that, lol. again, i'm not too upset. just thinking about random, pointless things.

 

[LastLoveSong]

Never kissed anyone or been to a party either lol, people will say that it's pointless and you shouldn't care about that stuff but that's the people that have indulged in that's stuff the most so it means nothing to them anymore. I'm still trying to work up the courage to ctb though, it's hard since my brain has an instinctive urge to leave something behind even though I don't want to, we'll see I guess

 

[mehwhoknows]

its only natural to regret what u missed, specially things like pure innocent young love, imo lifes not worth much if u cant have a family like that

but hey atleast u didnt go thru a horrible experience

 

[feelinggloomy]

We all miss something I life … I've missed a lot and I'm kind of old … but I still need to leave this god forsaken life. But I get it

 

[Adûnâi]

Death is the ultimate equaliser, and it's also the most exciting thing in the world, so it's not too bad. I for one don't miss that I didn't eat chocolate yesterday, the craving only makes sense in the moment. But with the past, it's all but memories and daydreams.