ketchup sandwich
Lost
- Sep 15, 2020
- 50
On Tuesday I clogged the toilet at my psychiatrist's office.. the only bathroom in the office- a tiny one person unisex bathroom that all of the patients and staff use. The damage was very bad. I was too embarrassed to tell the receptionist. I am now consumed with guilt and shame for not speaking up. Also, I am refusing to take the lithium. I am coming into that office, wasting their time and decimating their bathroom. I'm terrified to go to my next appointment. I keep imagining my psychiatrist telling me "I know it was you who clogged the toilet. I hate you. Mental illness aside, you are an inconsiderate, gross person and I don't want to work with you anymore". It would've taken me a split second to tell the receptionist "hey, the toilet is clogged", but instead I remained silent and now I pay the price. Even though days have passed, I want to go into the office and confess my sins to the staff. I ruminate over the smallest things. I stole a Gameboy game from my friend when I was 10 and it still haunts me to this day. How do you unburden your conscience when it's out of control? My Jiminy Cricket is constantly screaming at me. I was catholic as a child, went to confession multiple times every week, so that might explain something.
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