Discussion Notifying Long Distance & Internet Friends

[Ame]

I hate to devote an entire thread to one of my own questions when I haven't really contributed anything useful to this forum, so I invite you to reply with your own thoughts and experiences on this matter.

I'm conflicted.

There are a few friends that I have made online who are very dear to me. I am not referring to the parasocial "relationships" that can come about while following others on social media, but rather, friends that I have spoken to and confided in for years (and in some cases interacted with offline). I don't really have any social media that crosses over into my social circles offline (for instance I don't use Facebook where most people would interact with their family and friends) and so there would be no way for these friends to see any postings made by my family when the time comes.

Should I just vanish and let them assume that I have ghosted them? I imagine that they would feel hurt but I don't think that the pain of the breakdown of a friendship really compares to the death of a friend (I could be wrong). A part of me feels like it would be better to let them resent me but continue on blissfully unaware. What they do not know cannot hurt them (although I am aware that worrying about the aftermath is a bit of a moot point once I'm dead) and as far as I am aware, I do not believe that they have any reason to believe that I am actively suicidal.

Should I write farewell emails for them and queue them to be sent after my passing? The logistics of the latter method are a bit complicated seeing as almost no one uses e-mail to communicate with friends when there are much more efficient means like texting or IM's. I also have no intention of leaving my family with the burden of contacting others on my behalf. They would have more than enough on their plate.

Thank you so much for your input on this matter.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Sorry, I haven't read your thread yet but the color font you are using is MURDER on the eyes in incognito mode. I'm not sure how many people are gonna highlight / undo this feature to read it.

(Just letting you know for future reference in case you dont get the desired feedback you seek.)

 

[WhiteDespair]

If you're in frequent contact, yes. If the contact is infrequent, your choice.

 

[Stan]

Cut and paste of OP without formatting

I hate to devote an entire thread to one of my own questions when I haven't really contributed anything useful to this forum, so I invite you to reply with your own thoughts and experiences on this matter.

I'm conflicted.

There are a few friends that I have made online who are very dear to me. I am not referring to the parasocial "relationships" that can come about while following others on social media, but rather, friends that I have spoken to and confided in for years (and in some cases interacted with offline). I don't really have any social media that crosses over into my social circles offline (for instance I don't use Facebook where most people would interact with their family and friends) and so there would be no way for these friends to see any postings made by my family when the time comes.

Should I just vanish and let them assume that I have ghosted them? I imagine that they would feel hurt but I don't think that the pain of the breakdown of a friendship really compares to the death of a friend (I could be wrong). A part of me feels like it would be better to let them resent me but continue on blissfully unaware. What they do not know cannot hurt them (although I am aware that worrying about the aftermath is a bit of a moot point once I'm dead) and as far as I am aware, I do not believe that they have any reason to believe that I am actively suicidal.

Should I write farewell emails for them and queue them to be sent after my passing? The logistics of the latter method are a bit complicated seeing as almost no one uses e-mail to communicate with friends when there are much more efficient means like texting or IM's. I also have no intention of leaving my family with the burden of contacting others on my behalf. They would have more than enough on their plate.

Thank you so much for your input on this matter.

 

[Ame]

Sorry, I haven't read your thread yet but the color font you are using is MURDER on the eyes in incognito mode. I'm not sure how many people are gonna highlight / undo this feature to read it.

(Just letting you know for future reference in case you dont get the desired feedback you seek.)

Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention! I have edited my post to remove the formatting but I'm sorry for any eyestrain (and I extend this to anyone who experienced the same). Thank you again!

 

[Are you lost too?]

You should do whatever makes you feel calmer and more at peace. To me, it sounds you'd feel better if you sent the emails.

 

[Ame]

If you're in frequent contact, yes. If the contact is infrequent, your choice.

Those that I have in mind are friends that I communicate with quite frequently. I'm sorry to follow this up with another questions but would you suggest that I send out farewell messages before I hop on that bus or would it be safer to have them sent out "posthumously".

I hate to devote an entire thread to one of my own questions when I haven't really contributed anything useful to this forum, so I invite you to reply with your own thoughts and experiences on this matter.

I'm conflicted.

There are a few friends that I have made online who are very dear to me. I am not referring to the parasocial "relationships" that can come about while following others on social media, but rather, friends that I have spoken to and confided in for years (and in some cases interacted with offline). I don't really have any social media that crosses over into my social circles offline (for instance I don't use Facebook where most people would interact with their family and friends) and so there would be no way for these friends to see any postings made by my family when the time comes.

Should I just vanish and let them assume that I have ghosted them? I imagine that they would feel hurt but I don't think that the pain of the breakdown of a friendship really compares to the death of a friend (I could be wrong). A part of me feels like it would be better to let them resent me but continue on blissfully unaware. What they do not know cannot hurt them (although I am aware that worrying about the aftermath is a bit of a moot point once I'm dead) and as far as I am aware, I do not believe that they have any reason to believe that I am actively suicidal.

Should I write farewell emails for them and queue them to be sent after my passing? The logistics of the latter method are a bit complicated seeing as almost no one uses e-mail to communicate with friends when there are much more efficient means like texting or IM's. I also have no intention of leaving my family with the burden of contacting others on my behalf. They would have more than enough on their plate.

Thank you so much for your input on this matter.

This post seems vaguely familiar...I cannot quite put my finger on it.

I have to say that since joining, I have really (and I mean this - no sarcasm) enjoyed your witty posting style.

You should do whatever makes you feel calmer and more at peace. To me, it sounds you'd feel better if you sent the emails.

I suppose that the trouble is figuring out which of the two options will make me feel more at peace. There are pro's and con's to both (as is the case with anything) but I would like to consider my friends' well being too. It's not very easy unfortunately.

 

[Stan]

This post seems vaguely familiar...I cannot quite put my finger on it.

I have to say that since joining, I have really (and I mean this - no sarcasm) enjoyed your witty posting style.

Sorry. i cut and pasted it without the formatting for those who could not see it properly

 

[Are you lost too?]

Those that I have in mind are friends that I communicate with quite frequently. I'm sorry to follow this up with another questions but would you suggest that I send out farewell messages before I hop on that bus or would it be safer to have them sent out "posthumously".



This post seems vaguely familiar...I cannot quite put my finger on it.

I have to say that since joining, I have really (and I mean this - no sarcasm) enjoyed your witty posting style.



I suppose that the trouble is figuring out which of the two options will make me feel more at peace. There are pro's and con's to both (as is the case with anything) but I would like to consider my friends' well being too. It's not very easy unfortunately.

it would be safer to program to send them later. On the resources megatred there is a link to that.

What might help you is to put yourself on their position - if it was one of them ctbing would you rather know?

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Based on me ghosting a hand full of what I considered to be deep close friends, people who I've known and loved for dearly 20 years never even took the next step to find out what happened to me after three unanswered texts. LITERALLY

I've sadly learned that most people won't put in that much effort to figure out what happened to you. They will just move on about their business. Sadly thats the world we live in today. It doesnt make them bad people.

If you think your friends would operate otherwise then write notes. Any contact should be about you not them.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Those that I have in mind are friends that I communicate with quite frequently. I'm sorry to follow this up with another questions but would you suggest that I send out farewell messages before I hop on that bus or would it be safer to have them sent out "posthumously".



This post seems vaguely familiar...I cannot quite put my finger on it.

I have to say that since joining, I have really (and I mean this - no sarcasm) enjoyed your witty posting style.



I suppose that the trouble is figuring out which of the two options will make me feel more at peace. There are pro's and con's to both (as is the case with anything) but I would like to consider my friends' well being too. It's not very easy unfortunately.

If you're absolutely serious about CtB, posthumously. If you have any doubts about CtB, make sure to take care of those beforehand, whichever path you choose, bus or no bus. Anything said pre-CtB can interrupt those plans. However, that may be what you want. A note of caution. If you send out posthumous messages and miss the bus they can be delivered while you're incapacitated or hospitalized. You would come back to that.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Based on me ghosting a hand full of what I considered to be deep close friends, people who I've known and loved for dearly 20 years never even took the next step to find out what happened to me after three unanswered texts. LITERALLY

I've sadly learned that most people won't put in that much effort to figure out what happened to you. They will just move on about their business. Sadly thats the world we live in today. It doesnt make them bad people.

If you think your friends would operate otherwise then write notes. Any contact should be about you not them.

So true. Unfortunately

 

[Ame]

it would be safer to program to send them later. On the resources megatred there is a link to that.

What might help you is to put yourself on their position - if it was one of them ctbing would you rather know?

Thank you for the suggestion. I will be sure to put myself in their place and reflect on that.

Based on me ghosting a hand full of what I considered to be deep close friends, people who I've known and loved for dearly 20 years never even took the next step to find out what happened to me after three unanswered texts. LITERALLY

I've sadly learned that most people won't put in that much effort to figure out what happened to you. They will just move on about their business. Sadly thats the world we live in today. It doesnt make them bad people.

If you think your friends would operate otherwise then write notes. Any contact should be about you not them.

I'm so sorry that your friends did not try to reach out to you when you withdrew. I still think that there are some people who would make the effort. While I cannot speak for those you thought of as friends, I cannot help but think that for most there is a bit of a diffusion of responsibility at play when this happens. Perhaps my own will behave similarly to yours. Hopefully I will never find out. Still I'm sorry for what happened. Thank you for your advice and for sharing a bit of your experience.

If you're absolutely serious about CtB, posthumously. If you have any doubts about CtB, make sure to take care of those beforehand, whichever path you choose, bus or no bus. Anything said pre-CtB can interrupt those plans. However, that may be what you want. A note of caution. If you send out posthumous messages and miss the bus they can be delivered while you're incapacitated or hospitalized. You would come back to that.

The potential for them to contact emergency services and have them intervene before I succeed is something that I thought of when I considered the option of sending my message before. Regarding the potential problems with the posthumous messaging method, I think that a good practice would be to set the time of delivery to about 90 days or so after planned suicide date. In this way, if anything should happen, there is a reasonable window of time left to cancel the sending of the message.

You bring some very important points to the table that I think everyone should consider if they find themselves in a similar situation. Thank-you so much for your contribution!

 

[sanction]

Its not an easy one, but for me, I have decided to let the couple friends that are considered closest to me know about my CTB (leave them a note). I will also get my closest friend to pass this news on to my family. I won't be holding any funeral or anything, and just want everything as low profile as possible. The rest of the people that are considered less close, I will just appear as disappeared without a reason. Maybe many years later, some of them may or may not find out, but it won't matter as much by that time. On a side note, I've already distanced myself from a fair amount of people over the past few years mostly for this reason, so by the time I CTB, less people will have to know or find out. Its not an easy process, but is the one I chosen

 

[Daniela]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...e-email-account-are-they-going-to-get-it.2546

No conclusive answer to this

 

[daikon]

I plan on doing delayed emails for all my notes, so that just in case someone finds me, it'll be less obvious that I was trying to commit suicide. I was thinking delaying them a week -- SN recovery is about two to three days, based on what others have said, and I would hate for the people I care about to think I went without leaving a note for longer than that.

 

[Daniela]

I plan on doing delayed emails for all my notes, so that just in case someone finds me, it'll be less obvious that I was trying to commit suicide. I was thinking delaying them a week -- SN recovery is about two to three days, based on what others have said, and I would hate for the people I care about to think I went without leaving a note for longer than that.

Do you think your recipients will receive the delayed emails if you delete your accounts?

 

[daikon]

Do you think your recipients will receive the delayed emails if you delete your accounts?

I don't plan on deleting my email accounts, so it shouldn't be a problem.