nothing to hang on for

[pelicanportal]

it just isn't working out. i have tried recovery a lot over my life but i've hit that wall that can't be climbed. life isn't worth living anymore. it hasnt been for awhile. why keep stalling?

i am waiting on two methods, one i dont think i will be spending the time to wait on though. the other is SN. then sitting on it and then waiting for a moment to strike. it happens at least once a week, the impulse. i have rarely been happy to stay alive after it passes these days.

i gave it nearly 35 years. i havent been convinced or been able to make or find a reason to live. no hope

i really wish things had been even a little different.

 

[NihilusVan]

I always wonder... if things would have been different how would they be? I've overcome the anhedonia, but it still seems worthless. Are you living without happiness or without pleasure? Are they interconnected?