Venting Not sad enough to CTB anymore but also not well enough to get fully better

[diphylleia_Grayi]

Like said in the title, I'm not as terribly depressed as I was before, but I don't find much joy in life and I feel like my future is doomed because of it. I could change my life if I had the willpower but I don't, and I don't have the power to end it either. So I'm just here, bored out of my mind and feeling awful over how lazy and incompetent I am. I often wish I was at rock bottom so it would be easier for me to just go. There's also my mom that I don't wanna hurt, I wish I didn't care or could convince myself this would be better for her or that she wouldn't care about me dying.

 

[CatTheBus5689]

Really feels like instead of life giving you just enough to succeed it only gives you just enough so you don't just off yourself right away doesn't it?

 

[devil]

Wow I never related to a thread as much as I do with this one. This is me 100%. I'm not entirely depressed either, but it's definitely consuming part of my life. Like I'm completely alone and have no one to rely on, and I don't exactly like where I'm at with my life.. but I also have food, water, a job, an apartment, etc. so I feel as if I don't have any right to become suicidal especially compared to how I was in my past when I was at my lowest.

 

[reasonablylost]

I feel you.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I'd see this as a sign that you're on the road to recovery …

 

[diphylleia_Grayi]

I'd see this as a sign that you're on the road to recovery …

But how would I advance on this road? that's what's bugging me, I feel stuck in the middle :/

 

[xBrialesana]

But how would I advance on this road? that's what's bugging me, I feel stuck in the middle :/

I feel a looooooooot of people have these feelings, love. I tried to convince myself when I was younger that I was in the middle but I wasn't fooling anyone.

what's going on? You sound bored- maybe you could find a lust for life that you never knew of before

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

But how would I advance on this road? that's what's bugging me, I feel stuck in the middle :/

Things take time.

Maybe get a new, or return to a past hobby?

If need be, ask your doctor for some antidepressants to help you through this stuck period? Mirtazapine is good.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can certainly be exhausting - it is like being trapped, you do not want to ctb and yet you do not have the energy to improve your life. I understand how miserable it must be. I wish you well

 

[Walkingcorpse123]

I wish I would slowly progress towards CTB but I keep holding on these broken dreams.

 

[brutalus]

im also a bit like this. a few days ago i was on the verge bc i lost all my money. but now i feel better. but when i think all the work im going to have to do to get that money back, i just want to give up. im thinking of going out in a blaze of glory: insulting everyone i hate, telling everyone i love that i love them, get in as many fights as i can, fuck as much as possible, do as many drugs, drive as fast, write as many posts in ss, maybe do something i believe in and then have no choice but to die, but do so in a certain glory... its a dream hahaha

 

[diphylleia_Grayi]

I feel a looooooooot of people have these feelings, love. I tried to convince myself when I was younger that I was in the middle but I wasn't fooling anyone.

what's going on? You sound bored- maybe you could find a lust for life that you never knew of before

Weirdly, my gf asked for a break yesterday and I really feel like this is gonna be the end, it hurts a lot like every second that I'm awake my heart is hurting but it strangely made me forget about suicide? Idk why or how lol I thought I was gonna get more suicidal, even she seemed afraid of that. But now seems like I'm too busy being heartbroken to plan a suicide dkdnddm

Things take time.

Maybe get a new, or return to a past hobby?

If need be, ask your doctor for some antidepressants to help you through this stuck period? Mirtazapine is good.

I think gaining weight from new meds would make things worse, as I have issues with my image. I do wanna get back on my hobbies but I feel to heartbroken rn... might use that to make some depressing art or something..

Thank you.