Venting Not Making Progress

[Leichter Kampfwagen]

I have failed to take any steps towards ending my life despite my new years resolution to not be here for 2026. As the end of January looms, the 1/12th figure looms larger in my mind. I didn't expect to fulfill my promise to myself and die in 2025, but I had the smallest sliver of hope that I would. In that scenario I would have made more progress than I have, which is none. I still believe it is more of procrastination that uncertainty, and if I am able to overcome that, my past failures in execution don't bode well for my goal. I've never attempted, but I've stood at bridges, held guns, and possessed a nitrogen tank.

Don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel trapped. It seems so easy yet I'm not doing it. It's odd to have let go of all will to live and have fully decided on suicide, and yet not be moving towards it. I am past life but not yet at death, and I don't think that is a place at all. I'm nowhere.

I'm a tank broken down in no man's land (sorry I had to).

 

[squidsponge]

I feel you the part about being "nowhere" I had wondered what you could call this :/