• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

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Lavínia

Lavínia

plalace
Feb 19, 2024
59
Today they said I do my job well, that I'm a source of pride for the company. People are liking me. It seems like a lie. She said how I always try to take more chats. Lately I've been avoiding them. She said how I always find things to do. Lately I've been taking fewer things. She said how much I care and try hard for clients. Lately I've forgotten about almost everyone and put in little effort. Can they see me? It's all a lie, I'm just an image. And to break this illusion, a client came back last night reporting a mistake, and I'll have to apologize to him tomorrow. I want to scream so much, I want to fall so much. This is all I have, I can't have anything else, just this damn job and I'm ruining everything. Don't kill me, I'm in a hell of a fight not to die, so please don't kill me, just a little more is what I always ask for.
We've scheduled my vacation, most of it will be in October. I chose the month and day thinking about my suicide, I chose October 8th next year some time ago. It's not the same year, but it's similar, I could advance. I can't die, there's a lot that depends on me, but the option of being selfish, of it losing its value and being disregarded with a simple "sorry" in a message or a letter, is very comfortable.
 
T

ThatStateOfMind

Enlightened
Nov 13, 2021
1,456
Today they said I do my job well, that I'm a source of pride for the company. People are liking me. It seems like a lie. She said how I always try to take more chats. Lately I've been avoiding them. She said how I always find things to do. Lately I've been taking fewer things. She said how much I care and try hard for clients. Lately I've forgotten about almost everyone and put in little effort. Can they see me? It's all a lie, I'm just an image. And to break this illusion, a client came back last night reporting a mistake, and I'll have to apologize to him tomorrow. I want to scream so much, I want to fall so much. This is all I have, I can't have anything else, just this damn job and I'm ruining everything. Don't kill me, I'm in a hell of a fight not to die, so please don't kill me, just a little more is what I always ask for.
We've scheduled my vacation, most of it will be in October. I chose the month and day thinking about my suicide, I chose October 8th next year some time ago. It's not the same year, but it's similar, I could advance. I can't die, there's a lot that depends on me, but the option of being selfish, of it losing its value and being disregarded with a simple "sorry" in a message or a letter, is very comfortable.
I have a feeling you're being too harsh on yourself. If they see what you're doing and say you're doing well, surely that's a good sign, right? They gain nothing from lying to you about that.
 

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