ThriveOrDie
We are already in hell
- Jul 11, 2019
- 449
I can't stop thinking about ctb today. I'm completely alone. My only friend just dumped me. I tried to tell him I just wanted to be friends a couple of months ago but I think he thought he could change my mind. I was trying to make life work but I just can't find anything to live for. I can't find any help getting treatment. I have Lyme disease. I can't even get my doctor to write me a fucking letter so I can apply for a grant for Lyme treatment. I found out that I might have lupus too. I have to wait 2 months for an appointment for more testing. Lupus is incurable. Mainstream doctors have no cure that is. They just pump you full of steroids, chemo drugs, pain killers, immunosuppressants and other nasty stuff. That's just not ok with me. I think there is probably a natural cure (like stem cell therapy) but my insurance wouldn't cover it. I'm completely broke, living on credit which will run out soon. I can't work. I couldn't find a job in this shit hole town even if I could work. The mainstream treatment for lupus is to manage it for the rest of your life which costs an average of $20K per year if you factor in lost productivity and then you have a higher likelihood of getting cancer and/or heart disease. That's not ok. The lyme alone is reason enough to ctb. My future is looking really bleak. I'm so fucking tired.
I think I am going to start making plans to move back home to be near my family until I ctb. Then my family won't have to worry about transporting my body. And I can say goodbye to everyone. Not that they give a shit about me but whatever. I think I will ctb on my bf's ctb anniversary, Nov 8th. I will do SN or CO.
I think I am going to start making plans to move back home to be near my family until I ctb. Then my family won't have to worry about transporting my body. And I can say goodbye to everyone. Not that they give a shit about me but whatever. I think I will ctb on my bf's ctb anniversary, Nov 8th. I will do SN or CO.
