Discussion Not bad enough

[Stan Swiftie]

The simple fact of the matter is...
My forever alone & miserable pointless pathetic existence is not bad enough to end.
A year ago, I hit a downward spiral of the deepest depression I had ever dealt with... Facing turning 50 years old in January...
Alone & empty.
I was obsessed with it.
In August, I fell down a rabbit hole...
I got on Facebook & Instagram, looking for love
I found nothing but lying scamming pieces of shit
But I paid to keep them around for months because I felt loved, wanted, handsome, & special.
I paid them for their attention...
And for their lies.
And it ended the weekend before Christmas when I attempted suicide because the scammer I fell in love with didn't show up.
None of them ever showed up.
How could they?
They weren't real.
But I found the truth in their lies...
All I have in this life... Existence... is ME.
My parents love me...
They're the only ones who do.
But they don't understand .
And no one else loves me or understands.
No friends, no family, no s.o., not even God...
No one but ME!
I'm ALL I have!
And that is enough!
I just finished watching Cobra Kai...
And I LOVE that show!
There are a few TV shows & movies I love.
There is a lot of music I love.
And I love my parents, my bro, and my cats...
And I love myself!
And yes, even though He doesn't give a shit about me & never has, I love God!
So yeah...
I think I'll stick around a little longer.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you have had some hard lessons. Often if you approach others in the hope thta you can get something from them, you discover that they also are looking to get something.

It could be worthwhile to explore what you might be able to give to others. Volunteer work, like reading to the elderly, might be something in which you could make connections with others without expectations.