nosurpries
Member
- Jul 3, 2022
- 97
i am so sick of this, there is no help for people like me. it makes me want to vomit when i see things like "mental health matters" and infographics imploring you to get help when in reality help doesn't exist in this world.
"help" is prisons with playing cards and seditives, "help" is medication that numb you up just enough to be able to function in a dead end job, "help" is rehashing your trauma to a stranger again and again and being told to journal and meditate. what a joke. i apologize if you've found medication or therapy that has genuinely helped you its not my intent to discredit you, i'm just so frustrated with everything. psych medication, it has never done anything for me really, other than kill my sex drive and ruin my relationship with food. and i've never been involuntarily admited or held in a psych ward but it's my worst nightmare.
i feel so rejected by everyone and everything in my life, i don't really have anything if i'm honest. i'm only fucking 18 but i feel like i have absolutely ruined my life. ever since i quit my job i have no social interaction with anyone my age. which is my fault i know whatever 90% of the time i don't care i'm very introverted and i have never been excessively social or anything. but man, sometimes it sucks. all i do all day is rot in my bedroom and play video games and sleep. i just can't seem to have any motivation these days because i feel like i have no future. all i have to look forward to is communal living until i'm 35 because rent is 8k a month and working a job i hate until i die because retirement won't exist anymore (i live in the united states for refrence). and i know i sound like such an asshole because my problems are really only 1st world and so many people have it much worse but i feel like all i do is suffer. nothing brings me joy, nothing works, i have no "little things" left to enjoy.
"mental health matter", "reach out", "communication is key" its all garbage its bullshit nobody actually gives a fuck man. i feel so alienated all the time its exhausting me. i am not a saint but i would like to believe i am a good person, i don't do sleazy things to hurt people, i don't lie, i don't cheat, i always give people the benefit of the doubt. but it feels like people are the opposite of me, so unwilling to help, so unwilling to be kind. im not saying i haven't made mistakes and im perfect, but come on. i feel like if i could just catch a break, i could use it.
i don't want to go into too much detail but the thing that pushed me to finally make a ss account after lurking on here on and off for years is because i have been shut out of the last thing i've ever had passion for, for reasons out of my control and of no fault of my own. i feel powerless and frustrated, like i don't matter. and its because i really don't matter, when i say im anti social, i mean it, i don't have friends. im not like an incel or an asshole or anything (although from this post i definately sound like one god) i've maintained friendships in the pasts but these days i'm too exhausted and busy trying not to kill myself that i can't respond to texts or go places, and people eventually stop trying i can't blame them.
there is no help for people like me. i feel like the only people that buy into all that crap are middle aged people who experienced burn out for the 1st time in their 20's/30's and went on an ssri and got therapy and then they got better. i've been suicidal since i was a kid, which i was relieved when i saw other people on here who have also experienced that. i remember being in elementary school trying to figure out a way to ctb, and it's only gotten worse as i've gotten older. there is no help for people like me. my whole life has been a cycle of being suicidal then being distracted from it only for my suicidal ideation to come back when the distraction ends.
"help" is prisons with playing cards and seditives, "help" is medication that numb you up just enough to be able to function in a dead end job, "help" is rehashing your trauma to a stranger again and again and being told to journal and meditate. what a joke. i apologize if you've found medication or therapy that has genuinely helped you its not my intent to discredit you, i'm just so frustrated with everything. psych medication, it has never done anything for me really, other than kill my sex drive and ruin my relationship with food. and i've never been involuntarily admited or held in a psych ward but it's my worst nightmare.
i feel so rejected by everyone and everything in my life, i don't really have anything if i'm honest. i'm only fucking 18 but i feel like i have absolutely ruined my life. ever since i quit my job i have no social interaction with anyone my age. which is my fault i know whatever 90% of the time i don't care i'm very introverted and i have never been excessively social or anything. but man, sometimes it sucks. all i do all day is rot in my bedroom and play video games and sleep. i just can't seem to have any motivation these days because i feel like i have no future. all i have to look forward to is communal living until i'm 35 because rent is 8k a month and working a job i hate until i die because retirement won't exist anymore (i live in the united states for refrence). and i know i sound like such an asshole because my problems are really only 1st world and so many people have it much worse but i feel like all i do is suffer. nothing brings me joy, nothing works, i have no "little things" left to enjoy.
"mental health matter", "reach out", "communication is key" its all garbage its bullshit nobody actually gives a fuck man. i feel so alienated all the time its exhausting me. i am not a saint but i would like to believe i am a good person, i don't do sleazy things to hurt people, i don't lie, i don't cheat, i always give people the benefit of the doubt. but it feels like people are the opposite of me, so unwilling to help, so unwilling to be kind. im not saying i haven't made mistakes and im perfect, but come on. i feel like if i could just catch a break, i could use it.
i don't want to go into too much detail but the thing that pushed me to finally make a ss account after lurking on here on and off for years is because i have been shut out of the last thing i've ever had passion for, for reasons out of my control and of no fault of my own. i feel powerless and frustrated, like i don't matter. and its because i really don't matter, when i say im anti social, i mean it, i don't have friends. im not like an incel or an asshole or anything (although from this post i definately sound like one god) i've maintained friendships in the pasts but these days i'm too exhausted and busy trying not to kill myself that i can't respond to texts or go places, and people eventually stop trying i can't blame them.
there is no help for people like me. i feel like the only people that buy into all that crap are middle aged people who experienced burn out for the 1st time in their 20's/30's and went on an ssri and got therapy and then they got better. i've been suicidal since i was a kid, which i was relieved when i saw other people on here who have also experienced that. i remember being in elementary school trying to figure out a way to ctb, and it's only gotten worse as i've gotten older. there is no help for people like me. my whole life has been a cycle of being suicidal then being distracted from it only for my suicidal ideation to come back when the distraction ends.