WorthlessTrash
Worthless
- Apr 19, 2022
- 2,407
I feel there's no reason to cope with life, or even recover. I realize that me posting here is a giant waste of time, and it seems like I am making these threads as a cry for help, but even if that was the case, I don't think there's a single thing to change my mind.
Having to wake up in this same body for year after year is distressing. Seeing attractive cis women with their feminity and their petitness, where as I am this masculine mess of testosterone is so distressing to me. Not having been brought up and born as a female is traumatizing me. I always hated being a boy and a man. There is nothing beneficial about it for me in my opinion. I also hate the idea that the best that can be done to achieve being a woman is transitioning, which has a lot of cons to itself as well. I don't want to have to settle for a body that is surgically altered. I want a natural female body with no scarring, no remnants of being male, none of that. However, such a thing is not possible because biology decided to give me the wrong side of the coin.
Due to my depression and my dysphoria, I can no longer enjoy my hobbies. I gave them up cold turkey once I saw attractive cis women playing them. That could have been me if the coin landed differently, but ofc not. Meanwhile, friends distance themselves from me. Even my irl friend unfriended me on discord recently. I mean granted I didn't interact with him for months because depression, but still. Friendships are fleeting and once you show you are weak, or you no longer share interests, friends drift apart. No point in trying to make new ones when the same thing will happen again.
Can't try for a relationship because in order to feel like I'd have any chance, I'd have to lose a lot of weight (since looks matter to me, I'd want to date someone I am attracted to), but I can't be arsed to try to lose weight again since I hate the male body as a whole and I'd have to care about how I look, which I don't. You've seen one male body, you've seen them all. Not that it matters as I no longer have a desire for sex or romance. Everything seems meh to me.
No hobbies, no friendships, no relationships, and no self love. So what does this leave in life? Seems just being a wage slave for the rest of my life. No thank you. I don't want that to be my purpose, especially if I have to work and be around people I am extremely envious of.
I'm not making this thread to convince myself or any of you. Or to ask for advice. I made this thread to write out my thoughts since I have nothing better to do with my time.
I fucking hate being born the wrong sex and cannot accept this as my life or any of the middleground options available. I hope I CTB very soon.
Having to wake up in this same body for year after year is distressing. Seeing attractive cis women with their feminity and their petitness, where as I am this masculine mess of testosterone is so distressing to me. Not having been brought up and born as a female is traumatizing me. I always hated being a boy and a man. There is nothing beneficial about it for me in my opinion. I also hate the idea that the best that can be done to achieve being a woman is transitioning, which has a lot of cons to itself as well. I don't want to have to settle for a body that is surgically altered. I want a natural female body with no scarring, no remnants of being male, none of that. However, such a thing is not possible because biology decided to give me the wrong side of the coin.
Due to my depression and my dysphoria, I can no longer enjoy my hobbies. I gave them up cold turkey once I saw attractive cis women playing them. That could have been me if the coin landed differently, but ofc not. Meanwhile, friends distance themselves from me. Even my irl friend unfriended me on discord recently. I mean granted I didn't interact with him for months because depression, but still. Friendships are fleeting and once you show you are weak, or you no longer share interests, friends drift apart. No point in trying to make new ones when the same thing will happen again.
Can't try for a relationship because in order to feel like I'd have any chance, I'd have to lose a lot of weight (since looks matter to me, I'd want to date someone I am attracted to), but I can't be arsed to try to lose weight again since I hate the male body as a whole and I'd have to care about how I look, which I don't. You've seen one male body, you've seen them all. Not that it matters as I no longer have a desire for sex or romance. Everything seems meh to me.
No hobbies, no friendships, no relationships, and no self love. So what does this leave in life? Seems just being a wage slave for the rest of my life. No thank you. I don't want that to be my purpose, especially if I have to work and be around people I am extremely envious of.
I'm not making this thread to convince myself or any of you. Or to ask for advice. I made this thread to write out my thoughts since I have nothing better to do with my time.
I fucking hate being born the wrong sex and cannot accept this as my life or any of the middleground options available. I hope I CTB very soon.