Venting no matter how hard i try to feel better i still want to kill myself

[Suicidal Ideation]

i dont wanna stop doing the things im doing now. they make me feel good, they really do. but why do i still wanna kill myself so much? i have decided that even if life becomes good and i get all the things i want, i will ctb as soon as i get my hands on sn. is that ungrateful? i don't fucking know. i don't like my mind.

i'm not gonna fucking relapse im not

 

[FuneralCry]

Choosing to leave this existence on one's own terms could never be ungrateful as after all one should never have to feel grateful for this existence they never could have chosen to endure. We all have our right to cease existing on our own terms and it's a personal decision deciding when to leave, I wish you the best.