No happiness

[spectraltease]

I hate posting here, idk if I am the only one but I just think my existence is irrelevant and I should just die. I always have the feeling to be annoying, even on this website. I try to socialize but I just can't. My experience is hopeless and I have no idea how to solve this.
I am not alive for myself rather other people. I hate being me. Living in this body, this casket, this living hell.
I was standing today on a 30m high tourist attraction thing and I thought about how it would be if I would just jump and end my miserable existence.
I have no friends, no good hobbies, no joy. I wish everyday I would just die in my sleep.

Best regards

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I hate posting here, idk if I am the only one but I just think my existence is irrelevant and I should just die. I always have the feeling to be annoying, even on this website. I try to socialize but I just can't. My experience is hopeless and I have no idea hoe to solve this.
I am not alive for myself rather other people. I hate being me. Living in this body, this casket, this living hell.
I was standing today on a 30m high tourist attraction thing and I thought about how it would be if I would just jump and end my miserable existence.
I have no friends, no good hobbies, no joy. I wish everyday I would just die in my sleep.

Best regards

I would never think you were annoying. I have found SS to be a safe place to actually talk about our lives and ctb. Where people all around us understand

 

[noreallynotmarcy]

I hate posting here, idk if I am the only one but I just think my existence is irrelevant and I should just die. I always have the feeling to be annoying, even on this website. I try to socialize but I just can't. My experience is hopeless and I have no idea how to solve this.
I am not alive for myself rather other people. I hate being me. Living in this body, this casket, this living hell.
I was standing today on a 30m high tourist attraction thing and I thought about how it would be if I would just jump and end my miserable existence.
I have no friends, no good hobbies, no joy. I wish everyday I would just die in my sleep.

Best regards

No sass, I love your pfp. I feel you on the living for other people thing- you have to inconvenience yourself just so other people are happy. I'm in the same boat. My Mom lives alone and there's no one to text her. I'm married. I have a dog with emotional problems. I don't want to be that friend who survives and have their friend legit mad at them. Happened to me in 2005. It's crazy.

Living is complete hell and it sucks that humans are pretty resilient in terms of physical pain. I'm freaked out by people who survive suicide by gunshot and have to live with a serious deformity or brain damage. Total kick in the teeth.

Anyway, you're not annoying. I think this is what this forum is for.

 

[NoRespawn]

I am not alive for myself rather other people.

I share this feeling. I don't feel there's no other reason for my existence other than to keep those around me from the turmoil of having the deal with me being gone. I feel as if i'd be a waste of those who invested in me even though i still have nothing to show for it in my life.

If i could vanish without a trace and with no one's concern, i'd speedrun that.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

I hate posting here, idk if I am the only one but I just think my existence is irrelevant and I should just die. I always have the feeling to be annoying, even on this website. I try to socialize but I just can't. My experience is hopeless and I have no idea how to solve this.
I am not alive for myself rather other people. I hate being me. Living in this body, this casket, this living hell.
I was standing today on a 30m high tourist attraction thing and I thought about how it would be if I would just jump and end my miserable existence.
I have no friends, no good hobbies, no joy. I wish everyday I would just die in my sleep.

Best regards

You are never an annoyance, and I hope you can find solace in this place. Are these other people your absolute, only reason for living? Nobody has a permanent position on this planet. The people you live for can just as easily die on you as you can die on them. Are the people you're living for aware of how much you're suffering? If they loved you, they'd want to see you make the right decision for yourself - one that ends with you not being in constant mental or physical pain.

And I certainly know what having no joy is like - I have anhedonia from Schizoaffective Disorder. It's a huge reason why I've chosen to CTB.

When all is said and done - you have to way the pros and cons and decide if these other people in your life are worth living for. Because remember - those people don't have a permanent place on this Earth anymore than you do.

 

[spectraltease]

No sass, I love your pfp. I feel you on the living for other people thing- you have to inconvenience yourself just so other people are happy. I'm in the same boat. My Mom lives alone and there's no one to text her. I'm married. I have a dog with emotional problems. I don't want to be that friend who survives and have their friend legit mad at them. Happened to me in 2005. It's crazy.

Living is complete hell and it sucks that humans are pretty resilient in terms of physical pain. I'm freaked out by people who survive suicide by gunshot and have to live with a serious deformity or brain damage. Total kick in the teeth.

Anyway, you're not annoying. I think this is what this forum is for.

Thank you very much. I only have my girlfriend and she was always loyal and wanted to help me, Im a bad person so I don't really deserve her. It's so depressing that she had to met me and has to be in the same boot as me. I just can't give up.
But same, it's gruesome, that some people survive a self inflicted buckshot blast to the face for example. Firearms are safe tho, just bad choice of gun or ammo or not well planned. Anyway, thank you.

You are never an annoyance, and I hope you can find solace in this place. Are these other people your absolute, only reason for living? Nobody has a permanent position on this planet. The people you live for can just as easily die on you as you can die on them. Are the people you're living for aware of how much you're suffering? If they loved you, they'd want to see you make the right decision for yourself - one that ends with you not being in constant mental or physical pain.

And I certainly know what having no joy is like - I have anhedonia from Schizoaffective Disorder. It's a huge reason why I've chosen to CTB.

When all is said and done - you have to way the pros and cons and decide if these other people in your life are worth living for. Because remember - those people don't have a permanent place on this Earth anymore than you do.

You are right and that is a good perspective. For now, I want to try to stay alive. I just want to stay alive for my girlfriend, she helped me a lot and I would be dead without her. She gave me everything and wanted always to help. I a bad person so I don't deserve it, I deserve only to die. I think I am bad for her, so I am thinking about doing it all the time but yeah

 

[noreallynotmarcy]

Thank you very much. I only have my girlfriend and she was always loyal and wanted to help me, Im a bad person so I don't really deserve her. It's so depressing that she had to met me and has to be in the same boot as me. I just can't give up.
But same, it's gruesome, that some people survive a self inflicted buckshot blast to the face for example. Firearms are safe tho, just bad choice of gun or ammo or not well planned. Anyway, thank you.

I mean, Budd got lucky. Or he calculated right and knew it was going to work. You have to really be in the moment and run with it. You ever seen that video of Björk's stalker when he blew his head off? He sucks in a series of deep breaths- pumping himself up to roll in the moment, before fear would settle in and he'd reconsider his choice. CTB's a wild thing- time moves slowly enough that you pre-regret and it's a matter of whether you can stop yourself in time. When I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills- the darkness closed around me and I immediately regretted it. I fought to stay awake and it was scary on the way down.

Anyway, hang in there. You must mean something to your girlfriend if she's still with you.

 

[spectraltease]

I mean, Budd got lucky. Or he calculated right and knew it was going to work. You have to really be in the moment and run with it. You ever seen that video of Björk's stalker when he blew his head off? He sucks in a series of deep breaths- pumping himself up to roll in the moment, before fear would settle in and he'd reconsider his choice. CTB's a wild thing- time moves slowly enough that you pre-regret and it's a matter of whether you can stop yourself in time. When I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills- the darkness closed around me and I immediately regretted it. I fought to stay awake and it was scary on the way down.

Anyway, hang in there. You must mean something to your girlfriend if she's still with you.

44. Magnum in the mouth should work. Oh yeah, had to search his name but I saw it. I think thats just SI, because the human body is just not designed to kill itself.

Thanks