Venting Newbie poster but need to vent

[Makethispaingo]

Hello newbie poster here but feel like I just need somewhere to vent, so bear with me here...

I've just felt numb for as long as I can remember now, and it's only really in the past two years that I've actively tried to just end it all and finally be at peace. Four times now I have tried to end things, and each time I've just failed... just another thing in life that I've failed at. Added to the mix I've seen 4 different psychologists who have put me on a range of medication, which I have now stopped, struggled to diagnose me, different therapy sessions... I've voluntarily admitted into mental hospitals trying to see if I can actually continue but I just couldn't.

Backstory, and this is probably pouring it all out here I'm 28 from the UK, we're in lockdown at the moment and that suits me fine - I live alone so it doesn't bother me too much not having to actually socialise with people (also a perfect way to put a plan in place when I'm finally ready, 5th time lucky eh?). I'm divorced and have been for 2 years now, coming out of an 8 year relationship where it turned out I just didn't know my ex husband at all. After that, rebound relationship which was incredibly abusive (physical and mental) but in my head I felt it was something I deserved.

I'm just done. I'm drained and I just feel like I can't anymore. I'm researching the SN method but proving to be difficult to source in the UK, once I have everything in order properly I'm hoping this method finally gives me the peace I'm looking for

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Welcome!
Pretty similar story with mine re the relationship (break-up in my case). Do you think this is what has pushed you over the edge?

 

[calendulo]

It is a good thing that you venting your experiences and your deep inside feelings. Sn is not useful, talking about your issues and to solved it,
Just 28 years, When I was 28 life was a party.
You have to do it.

 

[Makethispaingo]

Welcome!
Pretty similar story with mine re the relationship (break-up in my case). Do you think this is what has pushed you over the edge?

I'd say a build up of a number of things - coming from an Asian background divorce is definitely frowned upon. The marriage breakup and not actually knowing the person, then my dad being sick, having a house fire and my cousin actually committing suicide all in the space of a short period of time has just been one thing after another. I think I'm just tired of trying

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'd say a build up of a number of things - coming from an Asian background divorce is definitely frowned upon. The marriage breakup and not actually knowing the person, then my dad being sick, having a house fire and my cousin actually committing suicide all in the space of a short period of time has just been one thing after another. I think I'm just tired of trying

Cumulatively these concomitant events would be hard to manage by any healthy person, not to mention someone who is still reeling from a divorce and another failed relationship (plus the psych problems).

I would honestly recommend you to rest and take a bit of distance, maybe try the more chill portions of our forum

 

[Makethispaingo]

Cumulatively these concomitant events would be hard to manage by any healthy person, not to mention someone who is still reeling from a divorce and another failed relationship (plus the psych problems).

I would honestly recommend you to rest and take a bit of distance, maybe try the more chill portions of our forum

Thank you