Welcome aboard!
I concur that it's very difficult to find effective professional help when on the spectrum. It took me years to work out that CBT is about as helpful as a fart in a space suit, all because of how my mind works. Would you mind sharing a bit more about your diagnosis? I'm curious as to when you were diagnosed and how you tried to manage it e.g. denial, masking etc.
I'm also sorry to hear about your sons. :( I only have the one, and he's a little older. TBH he's the main thing stopping me from ctb at the moment; ideally I'll be able to put off ctb until he's 18 or so, mainly to try and make it easier for him to get past it and live a good life. As awful as it sounds, at least in your case it's their mother that's more likely to damage those poor lads than the effect of knowing that their old man ctb.