thelittleprincess
the billboard said "the end is near"
- Dec 5, 2025
- 29
I almost did it last night. Or, almost did something at least. I don't even know what led up to it, I thought I was doing well, but all of a sudden everything caught up to me and it was all too much. I was a little drunk, which probably didn't help, and it was around 2am when the panic attack started. It lasted for almost thirty minutes, the longest one I've ever had, just sobbing and hyperventilating and trying not to wake up my little sister whom I share a room with. I finally got up and grabbed the pills. 62 Ibuprofen tablets and 46 sleeping pills, plus two full bottles of those tiny Arnica pills. I don't know if it even would have killed me but I laid them out on my bed and counted them, I was scared and wanted to buy time but I was so, so close. I texted my best friend multiple times asking if we could call, since I knew they'd be awake, but when they finally answered after thirty minutes of ignoring me, they just seemed annoyed. He wanted to call but kind of made it clear it wasn't important? Regardless of the fact that they knows I'm suicidal and knows I wouldn't be asking like this unless something awful was going to happen. I was about to call my ex but thank GOD I didn't. My friend finally called me and I kind of snapped out of it, I slapped myself twice, hard, and I didn't tell him what was really going on, just let him ramble about random shit. I put the pills back in their bottles and he offhandendly asked what that sound was, I brushed it off and he didn't ask again. I don't know if he realized. I don't know if he cared.
