You do realize that if you do not die via barbiturates (or nitrogen asphyxiation at the least), you're going to die of something far more unpleasant. this follows from two premises: (1) your death is inevitable (2) death is always experienced first-hand; you die in the
present
When your death arrives, your subjective sense of time breaks down: the future no longer makes any meaningful sense, and the past amounts to a vast collection of
snapshots
"Is the flow of time something real, or might our sense of time passing be just an illusion that hides the fact that what is real is only a vast collection of memories?" --Lee Smolin
While Smolin's statement may be debatable during the
interim of the world line of any given human, it becomes an
a posteriori truth when one arrives at their final
specious present.
"Forrest (2004) argues that although there exists a past, it is lifeless and inactive. Consciousness, as well as the flow of time, is not active within the past and can only occur at the boundary of the block universe in which the present exists."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mortality_salience
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Specious_present
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_line#World_lines_in_literature