neglected as an adult

[owarikigan]

feel extremely pathetic and helpless rn like i'm convinced i'm just invisible. my only options are to just continue letting my entire family walk over me, gatekeep any hope of getting a doctor from me and pretend like i don't exist or to kill myself (which i hope i can look better into once i'm actually home alone) because there is no way anyone would believe me enough to help me in any way shape or form despite begging for years. i have a massive fear of speaking up on this because the typical response is akin to what do you mean you're in your early twenties and haven't learned independence and can't find employment etc etc with zero regard for hearing me out properly. ntm i'm so close to dropping out before my second year of college even begins because i can't handle the stress and there's no point when i have no aspirations but to just Get By and i'm struggling to even achieve that. anyways i just hope i'm not the only unemployed mentally ill shut-in w 0 support system in such situation. i seriously dont know what to do with myself and i'm too stupid and autistic to even know where to start recovering even if everything life threw at me didn't constantly advocate against my wellbeing

 

[UserFromNowhere]

There's a feeling of being trapped and not sure what to do in your post which I think speaks volumes and is very relatable. You're trying to do the one thing we're told to do, "seek help," and keep getting shrugged off because other people believe your problems "aren't that serious" or are "the worries of life" when you're on the verge of life and death. Every one of your issues adds to the burden, the stresses of college, the lack of goals in life, the expectations of others, the expectations you internalize upon yourself. It weighs on your mind, pushing you further down, as you're left wondering if there's any way back. It's a very unfortunate psychological phenomenon we often get trapped in.

If you do believe there's a possibility of recovery, I'd say it's worth it to consider, as unreachable as it can seem. If you just feel the need to let out your problems, there are people here listening, even if they're not responding. For me, looking at the bottom of the page where it shows who's taking the time to read and acknowledge what's written makes the silence easier to deal with. It reminds me that I'm not alone in my thoughts. Others may not have the words or be too afraid to respond, which is a frequent struggle.