dollofyarn
Member
- Dec 15, 2025
- 21
Hello people.
I am going to a clinic in a couple weeks hopefully where I'll be focusing on my mental health completely but I'm scared I'm not going to make it. My at home situation makes me so depressed and suicidal and because of my bpd when I'm incredibly high in negative emotions, I immediately jump to the most extreme option which would be harming myself or ctb. It constantly feels like I'm drowning and that there's nothing I can do. Today after a huge fight, where my parents constantly kept blaming me, saying very hurtful things, I told them that I just genuinely cannot take it anymore. Whenever I do so, whenever I have a full mental breakdown in front of them, my mom mocks me in a weird voice which makes everything hurt even more. I do not understand why as I've been in the hospital before for a failed attempt, so it's not like I'm being dramatic for the sake of it. It really feels like they do not even care and nor do they ever want to try to understand. I have nothing to live for anymore anyways and I wish I could just quietly leave. I have no other options either. I'm just completely drained. I haven't seen any future for myself for a very long while now, I think it's time for me to come up with a ctb plan.
I am going to a clinic in a couple weeks hopefully where I'll be focusing on my mental health completely but I'm scared I'm not going to make it. My at home situation makes me so depressed and suicidal and because of my bpd when I'm incredibly high in negative emotions, I immediately jump to the most extreme option which would be harming myself or ctb. It constantly feels like I'm drowning and that there's nothing I can do. Today after a huge fight, where my parents constantly kept blaming me, saying very hurtful things, I told them that I just genuinely cannot take it anymore. Whenever I do so, whenever I have a full mental breakdown in front of them, my mom mocks me in a weird voice which makes everything hurt even more. I do not understand why as I've been in the hospital before for a failed attempt, so it's not like I'm being dramatic for the sake of it. It really feels like they do not even care and nor do they ever want to try to understand. I have nothing to live for anymore anyways and I wish I could just quietly leave. I have no other options either. I'm just completely drained. I haven't seen any future for myself for a very long while now, I think it's time for me to come up with a ctb plan.
