Need to follow my son into death

[needtogonow]

Hello, I'm looking for help and am hoping that I came to the right place. My only child completed suicide on March 23rd, and I intend to follow him.

My son was a heroin addict, but had been doing very well on suboxone. He was happy and had a great life. Unfortunately, his doctor weaned him off and then started giving him xanax when he complained of cravings. He quickly became addicted to benzos, which turned out to be worse than heroin. He died three months later. My son wasn't even depressed until that drug messed with his brain chemistry. It changed him almost overnight.

I haven't received the toxicology report yet, but it appears that my son died using a combination of xanax and heroin. He was probably drinking too. He smoked the heroin, never injected it. I managed to track down his dealer from texts, who feels terrible. He told me that he sold him five grams of "strong stuff" and that he wishes he had cut it.

My question is: How do you think my son did this? I've never heard of anyone dying by smoking heroin. He told me once that this dealer had some synthetic stuff from China—could that be a form of fentanyl? This seems like a viable method, it worked for my son. Does anyone have any insights?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

You can OD by smoking heroin it´s just way harder, you also said he drank alcohol and used Xanax so that is several drugs that supresses the respitory system that is also why people are told not to mix certain drugs. I am no expert but with that info given it sounds like he had a peaceful death and just slept in if that is any consulation.

And I hope you don´t blame the dealer either it seemed like he was pretty honest to you and he is just a supplier like the liquor store that sold your son the alcohol.

 

[needtogonow]

You can OD on smoking heroin it´s just way harder, you also said he drank alcohol and used Xanax so that is several drugs that supresses the respitory system that is also why people are told not to mix certain drugs. I am no expert but with that info given it sounds like he had a peaceful death and just slept in if that is any consulation.

And I hope you don´t blame the dealer either it seemed like he was pretty honest to you and he is just a supplier like the liquor store that sold your son the alcohol.

Thanks for your response. I don't blame the dealer, he's an addict as well and very lost as a person. So if someone else wanted to try that route, do you think it would be difficult?

 

[Cevapcici]

If you live in the US, don't go now, wait until you sue and expose the hell out of that "doctor " who treats his patients like lab rats first. It could prevent a similar tragedy in another family ...!

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Thanks for your response. I don't blame the dealer, he's an addict as well and very lost as a person. So if someone else wanted to try that route, do you think it would be difficult?

What route? OD´ing on the same drug combo? I think it will be easy since you probably don´t have a tolerance.

 

[needtogonow]

If you live in the US, don't go now, wait until you sue and expose the hell out of that "doctor " who treats his patients like lab rats first. It could prevent a similar tragedy in another family ...!

Yes! I agree in theory, but the doctor prescribed him a small amount of xanax. Once he was addicted, my son supplemented it with stuff he bought on the street. The horrible thing here is that the doctor took him off of the suboxone. My son was doing great, and should have been continued on a maintenance dose. But I don't think there's any malpractice there. It was a judgment call on the part of the doctor.

What roate? OD´ing on the same drug combo? I think it will be easy since you probably don´t have a tolerance.

Thanks for your response. You're right, I have no tolerance at all. But I don't know how to do it. Like, how much would a person need? And was it the especially strong heroin that killed him, or could someone just get "normal" heroin?

I think it's a good route only because I know it can work.

 

[PatKat]

Sorry for your loss :(

 

[needtogonow]

Sorry for your loss :(

Thank you. It's unbearable. We were very close, and I loved him so much.

 

[PatKat]

Thank you. It's unbearable. We were very close, and I loved him so much.

I do not have any children, but I lost my dad when I was a small child 22 years later I still remember it like it just happened, friends, and fellow brothers in arms. Losing loved ones, family, and friends is hard. You are not alone.



If ya ever want to chat I'm here.

 

[Ruffian]

Hello, I'm looking for help and am hoping that I came to the right place. My only child completed suicide on March 23rd, and I intend to follow him.

My son was a heroin addict, but had been doing very well on suboxone. He was happy and had a great life. Unfortunately, his doctor weaned him off and then started giving him xanax when he complained of cravings. He quickly became addicted to benzos, which turned out to be worse than heroin. He died three months later. My son wasn't even depressed until that drug messed with his brain chemistry. It changed him almost overnight.

I haven't received the toxicology report yet, but it appears that my son died using a combination of xanax and heroin. He was probably drinking too. He smoked the heroin, never injected it. I managed to track down his dealer from texts, who feels terrible. He told me that he sold him five grams of "strong stuff" and that he wishes he had cut it.

My question is: How do you think my son did this? I've never heard of anyone dying by smoking heroin. He told me once that this dealer had some synthetic stuff from China—could that be a form of fentanyl? This seems like a viable method, it worked for my son. Does anyone have any insights?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I don't know what it's like to lose a child, so I won't even begin to try to say anything about it. This story is completely tragic, because even drug abusers know how addicting Xanax is, and that someone withdrawing from opiates could get addicted. I have been one, and we also know how difficult it would be to withdraw from it, and it's a long drawn out process. I'm not saying don't kill yourself, but there isn't a lot of awareness that what your son went through is pretty common stuff. It may give you a purpose to live just to try to find a way to make more people aware of this. Either way, I am so sorry, and you will be in my thoughts.

 

[needtogonow]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I don't know what it's like to lose a child, so I won't even begin to try to say anything about it. This story is completely tragic, because even drug abusers know how addicting Xanax is, and that someone withdrawing from opiates could get addicted. I have been one, and we also know how difficult it would be to withdraw from it, and it's a long drawn out process. I'm not saying don't kill yourself, but there isn't a lot of awareness that what your son went through is pretty common stuff. It may give you a purpose to live just to try to find a way to make more people aware of this. Either way, I am so sorry, and you will be in my thoughts.

Thank you so much for your kind words. He bought some fake Xanex on the street once and went into convulsions from the withdrawals. His face turned purple. It's a horrible drug. Apparently, a lot of overdoses have a Benzo component.

The average time of really terrible grief for losing a child is about 2 years. Most people feel a bit better after that, but it never goes away. Losing an only child adds to this shit because not only do you mourn the loss of the individual person, but you also mourn the loss of being a parent. It's clear from the other parents I've met that having more children makes a huge difference in helping them go on. I have this overwhelming urge to set our family heirlooms on fire, but that's crazy. They are beautiful, rare things that my son loved. I'm trying to find some distant relatives before I move on, so I can leave them some of these items.

Do you have any knowledge of Xanex dosages and whether smoking "average" heroin vs something especially high grade would work? Thanks again for your support.

I do not have any children, but I lost my dad when I was a small child 22 years later I still remember it like it just happened, friends, and fellow brothers in arms. Losing loved ones, family, and friends is hard. You are not alone.



If ya ever want to chat I'm here.

Thank you. That's really kind.

 

[Deadgirl]

If you live in the US, don't go now, wait until you sue and expose the hell out of that "doctor " who treats his patients like lab rats first. It could prevent a similar tragedy in another family ...!

I agree, once you get evidence from the toxicology sue that "doctor's" ass. They shouldn't be handing pills like candy to people without telling them the consequences. I am so sorry for your loss. Try to remember that it was not your fault. I hope you find peace.

 

[Meretlein]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My great grandmother lost my grandpa before I was born, she said it almost killed her. No one deserves to lose a child.

As for how your son did it- I think there was definitely fentanyl in the heroin, most fentanyl comes out of China too. Overdoses on pure heroin are rare, most overdoses are fentanyl laced heroin + other CNS depressants like benzos. I hope you find peace and closure.

 

[Lara Francis]

I am so sorry @needtogonow
I hope you find the answers you seek.x

 

[JadedGray]

There are no drug dealers who have capitalized more on people's pain than big pharma. You don't even need to visit a shady neighborhood anymore, just visit a doctor's office. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Superfluous]

Please accept my condolences also. I can't imagine what you're going through at this time.

Regarding your questions, I first have to say that this forum primarily deals in (relatively) painless and reliable methods for those who feel they need it. Heroin OD doesn't really fall into that category and so is rarely discussed as a method.

If you feel the need to follow your son by the same method, then I think we may have some difficulty in providing you with the required quality of information you need. In most cases, we would generally advise against this method in favour of a more peaceful/humane/reliable method.

However, if the method is not so important, may I suggest looking at alternative methods. There are a couple of links in my signature, the first to the List of resources and the second to the latest version of the Peaceful Pill Handbook.

Whatever path you choose, I hope you find the peace you need.

 

[pole]

Hate being an empath during stuff like this. Literally got the chills and goosebumps reading just the first few sentences because i was overwhelmed with emotion, even though i cant relate and never will be. So sorry for your loss, thats heartbreaking.

 

[needtogonow]

Hate being an empath during stuff like this. Literally got the chills and goosebumps reading just the first few sentences because i was overwhelmed with emotion, even though i cant relate and never will be. So sorry for your loss, thats heartbreaking.

Thank you. That's very kind.

Please accept my condolences also. I can't imagine what you're going through at this time.

Regarding your questions, I first have to say that this forum primarily deals in (relatively) painless and reliable methods for those who feel they need it. Heroin OD doesn't really fall into that category and so is rarely discussed as a method.

If you feel the need to follow your son by the same method, then I think we may have some difficulty in providing you with the required quality of information you need. In most cases, we would generally advise against this method in favour of a more peaceful/humane/reliable method.

However, if the method is not so important, may I suggest looking at alternative methods. There are a couple of links in my signature, the first to the List of resources and the second to the latest version of the Peaceful Pill Handbook.

Whatever path you choose, I hope you find the peace you need.

Very helpful, thanks. I only liked the heroin idea because it does seem easy and painless. Injecting a drug could be complicated for people who have never done it, but my son died from smoking the stuff. He also had a lot of Xanax in his system, and there were some empty alcohol containers around as well. I am definitely interested in painless and reliable. What about opioids doesn't fall into those categories? There are so many deaths related to opioid use.

Thanks again for your feedback.

There are no drug dealers who have capitalized more on people's pain than big pharma. You don't even need to visit a shady neighborhood anymore, just visit a doctor's office. Sorry for your loss.

Thanks. The grief is terrible. And it's so true about big pharma. We have a real problem in the US when there's one lobbyist from a drug company for every member of congress.

 

[TheBlackSwordsman]

So sorry for your loss. I am new here, but stories like this make me want to cry. Even though I strongly consider ending things on an almost daily basis, I always try to be positive when it cones to others. Even though I want to give up myself, I always try to encourage others to find a way to continue. So, I sincerely you find a reason to continue living and if not, I hope you find as peaceful and painless a method as possible. From my research it seems overdosing is not a firm science. Like someone mentioned earlier, there are probably better more effective methods. I wish no one ever had to feel this way. Best wishes.

 

[Weems]

Hello, I'm looking for help and am hoping that I came to the right place. My only child completed suicide on March 23rd, and I intend to follow him.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what a parent feels.

 

[sleepless]

Hello, I'm looking for help and am hoping that I came to the right place. My only child completed suicide on March 23rd, and I intend to follow him.

My son was a heroin addict, but had been doing very well on suboxone. He was happy and had a great life. Unfortunately, his doctor weaned him off and then started giving him xanax when he complained of cravings. He quickly became addicted to benzos, which turned out to be worse than heroin. He died three months later. My son wasn't even depressed until that drug messed with his brain chemistry. It changed him almost overnight.

I haven't received the toxicology report yet, but it appears that my son died using a combination of xanax and heroin. He was probably drinking too. He smoked the heroin, never injected it. I managed to track down his dealer from texts, who feels terrible. He told me that he sold him five grams of "strong stuff" and that he wishes he had cut it.

My question is: How do you think my son did this? I've never heard of anyone dying by smoking heroin. He told me once that this dealer had some synthetic stuff from China—could that be a form of fentanyl? This seems like a viable method, it worked for my son. Does anyone have any insights?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

So sorry for your loss. I am new here, but stories like this make me want to cry. Even though I strongly consider ending things on an almost daily basis, I always try to be positive when it cones to others. Even though I want to give up myself, I always try to encourage others to find a way to continue. So, I sincerely you find a reason to continue living and if not, I hope you find as peaceful and painless a method as possible. From my research it seems overdosing is not a firm science. Like someone mentioned earlier, there are probably better more effective methods. I wish no one ever had to feel this way. Best wishes.

I don't think words alone could express what you are going through. Once in a while I happen come across stories like these on here, and while I read them, I feel that at that particular moment, a small part of me dies a little inside as my eyes get teary. Despite having seen many such scenes acted out so strongly in movies, it doesn't even compare to the emotions that it stirs up in me after reading such posts.

I also agree with TheBlackSwordsman on this one. After reading your replies, I really hope someone like you could find the strength go on, but I won't pretend to understand the level of grief that you are shouldering. Whichever path you choose, I sincerely wish you the best, and hope you achieve the best outcome. Boy you can't imagine how hard I am trying to control my emotions right now.

 

[dandan]

I'm so sorry for your loss
I'm so moved , because I really want to go... but my mom, damm.. at least I've got a brother , and he and his wife might have a baby in 9-8 month,
but even with a baby coming, my mom would sure notice my absence if i'm gone
all my love to you

 

[Mircea]

I won't go into most details here. But one of the beings I care for the most also ended her life over 3 years ago. I've been wanting to follow her since, but at the time other people changed my mind. With other factors making it clear that life here might be becoming impossible for me... well, I'm on this forum now.

Especially in a case like this, I do not believe your wish can possibly be held against you. It's sad for anyone to be taking the choice to die... but to live a horrible life in which everyone and everything dies around you, that can be an equivalent form of pain in and of itself. Do what you believe you must, and I wish you all of my good luck whatever your final choice is!