Hello I'm new here and just wanted to tell my story. I've had a lot of loss and turmoil this year and it seems like friends, family, and therapist are done sympathizing.
I've suffered with depression most of my adult life but 14 years ago I met a good man that supported me in many ways and my suicide ideation was mostly curbed.
About 5 years ago my dear elderly father was diagnosed with Parkinson's. My mom was his main caregiver, I tried to help and began spending more time with them. Meanwhile I also cared for a senior dog and cat who ultimately had to be euthanized. In hindsight I neglected my boyfriend who was working very hard to support us and build our home. Fast forward to October last year both parents had falls and dad ended up in hospice, he then passed away December 30. I came home grieving and exhausted to my boyfriend being sick with flu like symptoms, I got sick too. I thought he was just being a huge baby but took him to urgent care and they sent him home with antibiotics and steroids. Next night he was still complaining and called for ambulance. They sent him home and instructed him to continue treatment. Next night he was still suffering and we wondered if maybe he had an ulcer. I got him some mylanta. Shortly after taking it he vomited what looked like coffee grounds. He stumbled out of bathroom and collapsed and looked like he was having a seizure. I called 911 and did cpr. Ambulance came and took him to hospital. He never came back to consciousness and was taken off life support a week later. His dad and stepmom ended up being his executors as we were not legally married and there was no will. He didn't have a very good relationship with them but they inherited everything and tried to make me leave my home. My mom ended up selling her home and bought my house from them but they made it as difficult as possible with many demands and deadlines. As of Tuesday we signed all paperwork and hopefully are done with them. We both have drained our bank accounts and had to accept a donation from my brother. Now we are living together but aren't getting along well. She has a senior dog and I have a young rambunctious dog that my mate and I had adopted a few months before his passing. I am completely exhausted and keep having thoughts of suicide. I can't help but think I am cursed and that I probably deserve this situation that I'm in. I know I can't go through with suicide and leave my dog that no one would want and I can't imagine to put my family through more stress. I feel like I'm in a prison of misery with a life sentence.
I've suffered with depression most of my adult life but 14 years ago I met a good man that supported me in many ways and my suicide ideation was mostly curbed.
About 5 years ago my dear elderly father was diagnosed with Parkinson's. My mom was his main caregiver, I tried to help and began spending more time with them. Meanwhile I also cared for a senior dog and cat who ultimately had to be euthanized. In hindsight I neglected my boyfriend who was working very hard to support us and build our home. Fast forward to October last year both parents had falls and dad ended up in hospice, he then passed away December 30. I came home grieving and exhausted to my boyfriend being sick with flu like symptoms, I got sick too. I thought he was just being a huge baby but took him to urgent care and they sent him home with antibiotics and steroids. Next night he was still complaining and called for ambulance. They sent him home and instructed him to continue treatment. Next night he was still suffering and we wondered if maybe he had an ulcer. I got him some mylanta. Shortly after taking it he vomited what looked like coffee grounds. He stumbled out of bathroom and collapsed and looked like he was having a seizure. I called 911 and did cpr. Ambulance came and took him to hospital. He never came back to consciousness and was taken off life support a week later. His dad and stepmom ended up being his executors as we were not legally married and there was no will. He didn't have a very good relationship with them but they inherited everything and tried to make me leave my home. My mom ended up selling her home and bought my house from them but they made it as difficult as possible with many demands and deadlines. As of Tuesday we signed all paperwork and hopefully are done with them. We both have drained our bank accounts and had to accept a donation from my brother. Now we are living together but aren't getting along well. She has a senior dog and I have a young rambunctious dog that my mate and I had adopted a few months before his passing. I am completely exhausted and keep having thoughts of suicide. I can't help but think I am cursed and that I probably deserve this situation that I'm in. I know I can't go through with suicide and leave my dog that no one would want and I can't imagine to put my family through more stress. I feel like I'm in a prison of misery with a life sentence.
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