Discussion Need ideas for overcoming Social Anxiety

[ScaredCutter]

At around 2023-2024, I was diagnoised w/ autism and social anxiety. Since then i've realised why i couldnt do many things like communicating to others, looking at others, couldnt be myself around others and some other things.

ive always wanted a way to just talk to others again, i speak very softly because i dont like my actual voice, i can look at people now but it feels awkward after some time but, i cant muster up talking to anyone. im unable to communicate fully with someone unless im used to them after a period of time (my teacher and boyfriend) or just anyone important (being called by professionals or my family). I tend to get really warm and i feel embarrassed unable to speak and sometimes will cry because of how hard it is, it feels like my throat prevents me from trying to speak even if my mouth opens, my heart may race and i just feel like a total loser.

My teacher has and is willing to help me with it but, it just feels like nonsense, i tried suggesting ideas and she agreed with them luckily but, ive made little to no progress.
- Saying hi to people - I walk by - hardly do it
- Waving to people - i wave so low, its unnoticeable
- Responding back to others - i just sometimes refuse to talk and keep things really short
- Trying to communicate in a seperated space - only got to do it once...

I did also talk to my mum about it but it was just the classic "join in with others", "just start talking to them", "its not that hard" and whatever else.

I want to be told things that have helped others or is doing atleast something for them. I probably wont be able to overcome social anxiety but, if something can atleast help me, itd be great.

I also take meds for it but, I can't really tell if theres any major differences.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I strongly believe that the main thing will be repetition. Get through a thousand awkward situations, and you'll be quite resilient to awkwardness.

Autism or not, I think social anxiety is very common for younger people, and that most grow out of it.
It might be harder with autism, but I think it's fundamentally similar. While we all don't qualify for a formal diagnosis, we all have our own oddities and quirks.

I think I personally was helped by interactions with cashiers in stores, repeated many times. I set the objective to get through both confidently and politely (as opposed to avoiding and defensive).
I also made a decision to approach strangers with questions if they caught my interest. That came later though, and was harder, but eventually allowed me to naturally inquire about dogs, cars, solar panels, or whatever interesting thing I see someone deal with.

In short; just keep at it. Being awkward or brief is not offensive.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Medication can help and what I found helped with my social anxiety was exposure response therapy.

It should be done with a professional who knows this but if you don't have the resources I will tell you what I have learned from a social anxiety group I went to and now I am in an exposure group. It can harm you too so make sure you research this too and get all the information you need.

It sucks ass and I am really struggling with it myself too but you need to go out and do the things that give you anxiety so you can expand your "window of tolerance". I have a lot of social anxiety and I barely leave the house because of it but still there has been progress with tolerating things I couldn't before.

Like I couldn't look people in the eyes while talking to them and I would mumble and appear very strange. I might still appear strange but I could look people in the eyes for the most part (still hard in group settings) and even talk normally while interacting with people outside of my home. I had to continue to look people in the eyes and talk and sit with the anxiety to be able to get to this point. Another progress I made is that before I couldn't walk down a busy street with extreme anxiety and feeling sick at times. Now I am able to walk down a busy street a lot better and even enjoy the walk a bit after practicing over time.

This isn't saying your anxiety will go away, I heard in group with the therapist talking to someone else that "your brain will always be your brain". But things can become more manageable and you can be able to tolerate the things you couldn't before with practice. This isn't a quick process, it is a disorder it is hard, so it will take time to be able to look someone in the eyes, it isn't just going to take a week (hard for me to accept lol).

With exposure therapy you need to work up to the hardest thing. You have a SUDS (subjective units of distress scale) from 1-100 and everything will be at a certain place on that scale. You start with the 10 and work up to 100. So you make a list of things that give you anxiety and see what you do first and keep practicing and working up until you get the hang of it. You could start with recording yourself talking and watching the video back and being mindful of what you are feeling in the moment. Then maybe going up to someone you trust in person and giving a speech. Just ideas.

I know some people hate worksheets but this is just a journaling one that could help link

The also before you do it you can do a before, during, and after SUDS to observe how the exposure went and safety behaviors you should avoid. Mindfulness is a big key in getting better.

Remember self compassion too during these things. Self kindness vs self judgement, common humanity (you can relate you others) vs isolation, mindfulness vs over identification (don't be caught up in your negative thoughts, observe them and that they are happening, easier said than done it takes practice. To get better with mindfulness practice it during good moments too so you get the hang of it.)

If I missed something or got something wrong please add on or correct. I am learning this as I go so I am just going off the information I remember. Sorry it is a lot I just can relate to social anxiety a lot so I want to give the information that I learned.

 

[itsgone2]

Good luck. I tried and failed. I do agree with just continue to show up. Keep interacting when you can. Stay humble and have empathy for others many of them are struggling too.