willitpass
The awful things we do to make the head go quiet
- Mar 10, 2020
- 3,373
If I told myself back in March of 2020 that I would not only still be alive, but still be an active user on here… It's some twisted joke. I've lost count of the amount of ways I've hurt myself, tortured myself, my half hearted attempts, my true attempts. This isn't a site anyone wants to be around for long term. To be a long term user on here is an awful thing. It means you haven't found peace, and that's what we're all here for isn't it? You come here and you either CTB or you find peace in living enough that you don't feel the need to visit anymore. What do you do when you've failed at both of those? Still alive despite your best efforts not to be. And still don't want to live despite your best efforts to somehow find a way to make peace with existing. It's a lonely, isolating, heart wrenching existence to be here for 6 years. And that doesn't count the years and years of depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts prior to joining. Oh what I would give to not find a need to be here anymore. What I would give to find peace, be it in this life or not.
